"I'll talk to Fellstamp."
"Don't bother. He won't play with me, and I don't play with cheats."
"All right, I'll ask Slimgrin if he'll play with you."
"He's on assignment. Garvin told Fionh. He won't be back until next week."
"Fionh, then."
"Fionh's too stuck up. Besides, I don't like tennis anyway."
It was my turn to sigh. "Well, what would you like to do?"
"I want to see Mum."
"Alex… it isn't that easy."
"Why? What could be simpler? How hard could it be? We go and see Mum… that's it," she shrugged.
"You can't go back to living with your mother."
"Why not? You just don't want to admit that you lied to her. Again."
"I didn't lie to her."
"You told her I was dead!"
"You were dead… or at least we thought you were. That's what we were told."
Alex straightened her legs and lay with her arms crossed over her chest, eyes closed in a parody of death.
"You're not dead, Alex. I can see you breathing."
She twisted over suddenly. "No! I'm not dead! So why do I have to live in this morgue? Nothing happens here. It's like a home for the elderly. There's nothing to do and no one to do it with. I might as well be dead."
"Don't say that. It's not true."
"I want to see Mum. I want to see Kayleigh and I want my room back." She was shouting and as her voice rose the rumbling in the pipes rose with it. "I want my music, and my things. I want to be in my own room, in my own house, doing my own thing. What's so hard about that?"
I kept my voice quiet, trying to soothe her. "I do understand, but it's more complicated than that. Your mum… It's going to be a huge shock. She needs to be prepared."
"So prepare her! Write her a letter. Get on the phone. Do something! Anything!" The pipes rattled and banged.
"It's not just your mum, Alex. Everyone thinks you're dead. Your teachers, neighbours, friends… you can't just walk into school and say, 'Hi — I'm back'."
"Why not? What do they care? They'll get over it."
"You killed three girls, Alex. You drowned them, remember?"
"They don't know that. They think it was an accident."
"It wasn't an accident, though was it?"
"Is that what you think? You think I killed them on purpose? You think I filled that place up with drain-water and shit just to get even with that slag and her council-flat coven?"
"I didn't mean it like that."
"Well how did you mean it? Huh?"
"I meant that it wasn't an accident. The drains didn't explode, did they Alex? There was no build up of gas. It was you."
She rolled over again, staring at the ceiling. "They should've left me alone. I tried to warn them. Kayleigh did too. Fionh says they got what they deserve."
"I find it hard to believe that Fionh said that."
"She said that if you are challenged and you win, then that's fair. It's blood price. You don't challenge someone if you're not prepared to fight — to the death if necessary."
"She means among the Feyre, Alex. She's not talking about human people."
"I'm fey now, though, aren't I? Them rules don't apply to me."
"Those rules, and they apply to you if you want to be part of human society. I don't think you can go back, sweetheart, not once you've broken them."
"You broke them," she accused.
"Yes, I suppose I did. But I can't go back either."
"Mum's got Barry now."
"That's not what I meant."
"But you're not stuck in here. You can go out whenever you like. You don't have to be cooped up in your room all the time like a freaking prisoner!"
"You're not a prisoner. You can go out. There are all the grounds, you have the freedom of the house for the most part."
"It's just a bigger prison, Dad," she said.
"Look, everyone says you're doing really well, but to be able to go out you have to do better than that. You can't just lose your temper and blow the drain covers off because someone looks at you funny."
"I've never blown drain covers off! Now you're making stuff up about me!" she protested.
"You can go out when you can keep a hold on your temper, and a lid on your abilities." I stood up. "Until then you're not safe. So it's up to you. Prove to me that you can control yourself and I'll take you out."
"To see Mum?" she brightened.
"I'll think about it."
Her expression fell. "No, then."
"Like I said, I'll think about it."
"Yeah, you always say that when you don't want to say no, but you're not going to say yes," she said.
"Some things aren't as easy as yes and no, Alex. Maybe if you grew up a bit and took some responsibility for yourself you'd understand that."
Now she looked sulky.
"You could start by actually practicing some of the control you're supposed to be developing. How many fish can you actually bring to the surface?"
"Seven." The lie was plain again.
"Alex, you're not helping yourself." I moved to the door. "I have things to do, and so do you, if you would only do some of them. I can't keep cleaning up after you."
"Oh, so it's my fault the government was torturing prisoners is it? It's my fault that Porton Down was experimenting on innocent people?"
"No," I said, "but it's your choice how you deal with it."
"You're only saying that because you don't want to explain to Mum."
"I'm only saying it because it's true. I'm trying to help you."
"Maybe I don't want help. Maybe I'm beyond help."
"Look", I said. "Neither of us can go back, but both of us can go forward. Learn to deal with things as they are and you'll be happier for it." I stood in the doorway. "Think about it."
"My life sucks," she said.
"Everyone's life sucks at one time or another. There are people around you who care, but they can't help you if you won't help yourself. You can lay on your bed and sulk all your life or you can get up and do something."
"When you and Mum broke up, you did something. You left. You walked out the door and you left me — with her! You've no idea what she was like."
"That's not fair, Alex." Though I knew very well what Katherine was like.
"Yeah, well. Life's not fair. That's what you always say."
"That's because it's true," I said "Your mother gave me no choice. I didn't like it and it wasn't fair, but that's the way it was. It's about time you learned that life isn't perfect and you have to make the best of what you've got. Grow up, Alex."
The remark came out harsher than I'd intended and her eyes brimmed. She turned away to face the window.
I swept out and retreated down the corridor, feeling that once more I was in the wrong no matter what I did. She knew she'd struck a nerve with her last remark, but then she knew where all my soft spots were and never failed to exploit them. Now I had said too much and I was automatically in the wrong.
I bunched my fists as I walked away. Kids!
When I got back to our rooms, Blackbird was leafing through the folders I had left on the desk.
"Those are supposed to be confidential," I said.
"Secret is what it says here," she said, checking the front of the file.
"Wouldn't that imply that you shouldn't be reading them?"
"They're not really secret. No one would be stupid enough to leave secret documents lying around on a desk where anyone might read them," she pointed out.
"Touche." There was not much point in grabbing them back now. She was most of the way through the pile.
"Where's the baby?"
"Going to sleep."
"I'll just go check on him."
"If you go in there now you'll wake him up again. Leave him be. If he has a nap now he'll be much nicer to know later. Otherwise he'll just be crabby all day, and it won't be you that has to suffer."
I bit my tongue on the reply to that.