‘And he hadn’t?’
‘It was a stack of Star Trek videos. Him and his mate Murray, that’s the guy who works up on the fracking site by Falrigg, are proper geeks. Sergeant Ross thought Dez was into sumthin’ mucky, fact is him and Murray were just plannin’ a Star Trek all-nighter.’
Michelle laughed at the ridiculousness of the story, then took her coffee from Jackie and followed her into the living room where the children were playing. The room was scattered with toys. Scattered. She thought that was a good word to use to describe the whole house; everything where it had been last used, nothing where it should be. She picked her way through the chaos to get to a seat, having to shift newspapers, TV listings magazines, remote controls and toys so she could sit down. Jackie took them from her. ‘Sorry about the state of the place,’ she said, noticing Michelle’s wandering eyes. ‘Fast as I clean it up, Dez and the kids trash it again.’
‘You should see my house,’ Michelle said quickly, worried that she’d caused offence. ‘We’ve still got a load of boxes to unpack. It takes forever. It took me weeks to get everything ready for the move and it’s going to take twice as long to sort it all out at this end.’
‘You sure you want to?’
‘What?’
‘Unpack? I mean with everything that’s happened here since you arrived? Ken Potter killing that girl then doin’ himself in… your other half finding the body… you sure you’re safe here?’
‘You taking the piss? Tell me you’re taking the piss?’
‘Course I am,’ Jackie laughed. ‘Jeez, you’re easy to wind up. I was just messin’ with you. Like I said the other day, I know what you’re goin’ through. Thussock takes some getting used to.’
‘You can say that again.’
‘Actually, it’s not the place, it’s the people. Most of them are all right, it’s just that when they’ve lived here all their lives, they’ve never known nothin’ else, you get me? What’s wrong to us is normal to them. Dez has got these cousins on his dad’s side what live right up in the Highlands, miles away from anyone else. He took me up to meet them once – just the once – and I swear they were the weirdest buggers I’ve ever met. Had their own words for things, like they was talkin’ their own language. Kept a bloody pig in the bathroom.’
‘A pig in the bathroom? You serious?’
‘Absolutely. Thing is, they didn’t have nowhere else to keep it and it was a downstairs bathroom so it kinda made sense. Point is, sittin’ having a piss with a pig lookin’ up at you was normal in their house. If they came to your place they’d be freaked out if you didn’t have no livestock in your bathroom. You get me?’
‘What’re you saying? The further north you go, the more screwed up people are?’
Jackie just shook her head and smiled. ‘I’m sure you had your fair share of fuck-ups down south too.’
‘You can say that again. I could tell you a few tales.’
‘Then we’ll do that one night. We’ll get some drink in, get rid of the kids and the men, then sit here talking bollocks ’til we’ve drunk so much we’ve forgotten our own names. Probably do us both good, that would.’
‘I’ll hold you to that,’ Michelle said, feeling herself slowly beginning to relax. Being here felt reassuringly, unexpectedly, normal. She drank her coffee and watched the children. They were tolerating each other, warming to one another’s company. In her book, that was good enough.
‘So your man’s at Walpoles?’ Jackie asked.
‘Yeah. Driving work, mainly.’
‘That Barry Walpole can be a bit of a bugger at times.’
‘Can’t all men?’
‘You’re not wrong there.’
‘Scott’s a typical bloke. Never tells me anything about work.’
‘Ah, he’ll be fine, I’m sure. Thing about Barry is he’s a big fish in a small pond, you know? Gets himself on every committee he gets wind of, jus’ ’cause he reckons he’s some big businessman or sumthin’. Likes the sound of his own voice.’
‘I get that impression.’
‘But he’s not the worst,’ she added. ‘Unless you rub him up the wrong way or try to short change him, then he’ll come gunnin’ for you.’
‘You’re not making me feel any better, Jackie. There’s no one more stubborn than my other half.’
Jackie, still barely dressed, pulled her dressing gown tighter around her and watched Michelle drinking her coffee and watching the kids. She waited a few moments longer, the silence getting ever louder, before asking another question. ‘What are you doin’ in Thussock, Michelle? You don’t seem the type, no disrespect, nor your family neither. You’re better than this place. Why sell up and move here?’
Michelle looked anywhere but at Jackie. How much did she tell her? ‘Scott’s business went belly-up. We needed a fresh start.’
‘Yeah, but there’s fresh starts an’ there’s fresh starts. You didn’t need to come out all this way, did you? Or if you did, why not keep going that little bit further and go somewhere that’s not such a bloody dead end?’
‘Housing’s cheap here, and we’re short of cash. Really short of cash. Scott’s a builder. He’s going to do up the house and then…’
‘And then what? Housing’s cheap around these parts because there’s more folk movin’ out than in. They did up a load of houses on the other side of town a couple of years back an’ half of them are still empty. So are things really that bad, Chelle?’
Still avoiding eye-contact, Michelle looked past Jackie and out of the window, watching the slow trickle of eye-level traffic driving up and down Thussock high street. She wiped away a tear. ‘Yep,’ she answered, voice cracking, ‘things really are that bad.’
‘Want to talk about it?’
‘I can’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘I’m not supposed to.’
‘Says who?’
‘It’s complicated.’
‘I’ll not tell. Honest, Chelle, I’m no gossip. I don’t talk to many folks, and Dez never listens to anythin’ I tell him.’
‘Honestly, it’s very boring. You wouldn’t want to hear it.’
‘Maybe it’s not about me wanting to hear it, though? Maybe it’s all about you gettin’ stuff off your chest? I seen it in you from when we first started talking the other day. You’re holding onto things. Carryin’ stuff for other people.’
‘You’re wrong, Jackie. It’s been a tough few months, that’s all.’
‘No disrespect, love, and tell me to mind my own business if you want, but I think it’s more than that. I was with this bloke once… he liked to drink. Never let me do anything. When things went wrong – an’ they usually did ’cause he was pissed most the time – he’d blame me, tell me it was all my fault. Thing is, when you hear that stuff for long enough, you start thinkin’ it’s true.’
‘Scott’s not like that.’
‘I didn’t say he was.’
‘Like I said, it’s complicated.’
‘And like I said, you’ll do yourself no good holdin’ onto it all.’
‘It’s the kids more than anything.’
‘What d’you mean?’
Michelle was crying freely now, fishing for a tissue from her handbag. Jackie threw a half-empty box across the room to her. ‘They’re the ones who are struggling most. It’s not fair. We make the mistakes, they pay the price.’
‘They’re not stupid, though. They know what’s what, do kids. They know more than we give ’em credit for.’
‘So what happened, Jackie?’
‘What about?’
‘You and your fella? The one who drank?’
‘My dad happened. See, I thought he’d washed his hands off me on account of him not likin’ Kevin. Turns out he knew exactly what was goin’ on… he’d worked it all out long before I had. I went to see Dad when I couldn’t take no more, an’ he beat the shit out of Kev. Nearly bloody killed him. Took nearly two years, but it got sorted in the end. This kind of stuff always does. I reckon it’s better just to take a deep breath and deal with it.’