Hearing the steady thump-thump-thump of his heart combined with the rhythm of his breathing must’ve lulled me to sleep. I come awake like a shot, quickly realizing that the TV screen is black. At some point positions shifted and Exton is sleeping below me and we’re covered with a blanket. I have a vague recollection of being the one to pull it over us, but that’s it.
Immediately my heart begins racing and I start freaking out. I can’t believe I let down my guard enough to fall asleep with him! The last time I fell asleep with a guy I woke up in hell. What was I thinking letting this happen? This crosses the line and makes me feel ridiculously irresponsible.
Sitting up, I get to my feet and start pushing at Exton’s shoulder. “Wake up! You have to go.”
It takes a few seconds to get him to wake up and when he does he opens his eyes and stares at me blankly. Eyes darting around the room, he looks back at me in confusion. “What?”
“We fell asleep. You have to go.”
He lets out a yawn as he sits up and stretches his arms up over his head. “What time is it?”
Looking over my shoulder to the cable box, I let out a groan. We slept like that for at least six hours! I really need to get a hold of myself because this is quickly taking a turn to the disastrous. He makes me forget the rules that I need to live by. Looking back at him I snap, “It’s four in the morning and you have to go.”
Reaching a hand up, Exton grabs me by the waist and pulls me down onto his lap. “Babe, you have got to stop freaking out. Nothing bad is going to happen. Pretty soon we’ll be sleeping together every night and we’ll be doing it naked. You need to get used to this because we are happening.”
Immediately my fight or flight response kicks into full effect. Setting my hands on his shoulders, I try to push off of his lap. Instead of letting me go, he wraps his arms around me and holds me steady.
“You need to calm down, Beautiful. I don’t know why you’re having a fucking fit but you need to remember one thing—I won’t ever hurt you or make you do anything that you don’t want to do. You’re safe with me.”
“That’s crap,” I say hotly. “You do make me do things I don’t want to do! I didn’t want to have dinner last night. I didn’t want you here tonight! But here you are. You’re like Godzilla—you flatten everything in your way in order to get to your goal. I’m nothing but a test subject to you—you just want to see if you can talk your way into my bed before you leave!”
I say this knowing that I’m going to piss him off and that he will go, but I am so panicked right now that I don’t care. I need to be alone because I am freaking out.
Instead of tossing me off his lap, Exton reaches up and cups my face between his hands. “Arden, stop it. You and I both know that you wanted all of that, you’re just too stubborn or afraid to admit it. This bullshit you’re throwing out right now isn’t going to scare me off. Take a deep breath and look me in the eye right fucking now and tell me that you don’t want to be with me. Tell me that in your heart of hearts you didn’t want dinner last night, you didn’t want me here tonight, and that you never want to see me again. If you can do that, I’ll leave and you’ll never see me again.”
I can do that. No problem.
“I don’t want—”
Dammit. I choke. I can’t say the words. Why can’t I just say it?
“I don’t! I don’t want . . .”
“What don’t you want, Beautiful?”
I open my mouth to tell him that I don’t want him and that I just want to be left alone. Instead I blurt, “I just don’t want to be hurt again.”
And then I burst into tears.
Enveloping me in his arms, Exton holds me while I cry. The last time I shed a tear was the day after my disastrous wedding. Since then, I’ve kept it all inside. Suddenly it’s like I can’t cry enough, and five years of tears come out in a flood, all over Exton’s shirt.
“Beautiful, you need to tell me right now who hurt you because I am going to fucking destroy them. Tell me who did this to you and I’ll rip that rapist piece of shit apart.”
It takes a few seconds for me to get a grip on what he’s saying. “I wasn’t raped,” I blubber. “It wasn’t like that. You don’t need to be mad for me.”
A tiny bit of the tension in his body dissipates but he’s still angry, I can tell.
“Fuck yes I do, Arden. No matter what it was that happened the bottom line is that someone hurt you,” he growls, “I’m not okay with that.”
Other than my mom and my college roommate, no one has ever known that anything bad happened to me. The fact that Exton cares, without even knowing details, makes me cry even harder.
I’m so upset that I don’t even say anything when he shifts us so that he can stand. A second later he swings me up into his arms and starts carrying me down the hall toward the bedroom. After opening the door he lays me down on the bed and walks away. This should be a relief, but instead my silent tears come faster. He left. Of course he left! I’m a flipping nutcase—what the hell did I expect?
I startle when the light in my bathroom goes on. Realizing that he’s still here, I turn my head and watch as he comes back to me with a box of tissues. Climbing into bed next to me, he pulls me against him and wipes at my tears.
“I’m not going anywhere, Beautiful. Cry it out and let it all go. Tomorrow we start fresh.”
Instead of fighting him—or myself—I follow his advice and let it all out.
MY EYES FEEL PUFFY and I’ve got a mild headache. Trying to remember what happened last night, I let out a groan of absolute humiliation when I realize that I cried on Exton for a ridiculous amount of time before falling asleep.
“Good morning¸ Beautiful.”
Holy hell, he’s still here. Wow. I wasn’t sure he would be. Not that I care either way. Not at all.
“Ugh,” I mumble with my eyes still squeezed shut. “I’m so sorry about last—”
“Don’t you even think about apologizing for anything. It was a good thing that you got it out of your system and now we’re moving forward.”
Covering my face with my arm, I let out a groan. “Easy for you to say considering that you aren’t the one that cried a river on someone you barely know. I can’t believe you didn’t leave—”
“Stop that shit right now,” he commands. I startle as he touches my arm and gently lifts it from over my face. “Look at me, Arden.”
Opening both eyes, I blink a few times before I focus on him standing right next to the bed—shirtless. Holy shit he looks even better out of his shirt than he looked in it.
“First of all, I’m not a stranger so don’t even say that shit again. Second, I think it’s pretty fucking great that you felt comfortable enough in front of me to let your guard down and get that shit out. You fight it every step of the way but deep down you fucking know what this is and the fact that you let go last night backs up me saying that. Instead of obsessing about it and thinking that it was a bad thing—let it go.”
I can’t help that I’m gaping at him. “Um, okay.”
Nodding his approval, he smiles. “Now that we got that settled, get your sexy ass up and go brush your teeth so that I can kiss you good morning and we can start the day right.”
Exton Alexander turns my brain to mush, pure and simple. Getting up from the bed I head into my bathroom to take care of business and brush my teeth.
When I finally get to my toothbrush, I notice that it’s already wet. Opening the bathroom door I stick my head into my bedroom where I find him making my bed and he’s still shirtless. I lose my train of thought for a second, but him staring at me inquisitively brings it back. “Why’s my toothbrush wet? Please tell me you didn’t drop it in the toilet,” I joke.