“No,” Erin said. “I mean, are you feeling lightheaded? Dizzy?” She frowned and passed a hand across my forehead. “Do you feel like you need to ground yourself?”
Suddenly I understood what she was saying. “You think I did this,” I murmured.
Erin looked calmly at me. “Who do you think did it?” she asked.
Fear shot through me like lightning. “Ciaran,” I said quickly.
“I don’t think so.” Erin’s voice was certain, and I felt a flash of doubt. Could I have been responsible for this? I didn’t think so. I would have felt the magick flowing through me, I reasoned.
“Do you have any idea how you summoned white witch fire when we were working together in Practical Magick?” Erin asked abruptly.
“No,” I admitted.
“Morgan?” said a voice behind me. “My God, Morgan— are you okay?” It was Mary K. Alisa was right behind her.
“I’m fine,” I said as Mary K. rushed over and gave me a hug. I winced at the pain in my shoulder but didn’t complain.
“What happened?” Mary K. said as she eyed the shelf. I turned and stared back at the wreckage. Someone could have been hurt, screamed a voice in my brain. Someone could have been killed! “What were you doing, leaning on it or something?”
I shook my head but didn’t say anything. Alisa was staring at Erin as if she were some kind of poisonous snake or tarantula. Her eyes darted from Erin to the shelf and finally settled on me. I felt I could almost see her mind working. She knows, I realized. She knows it’s another magickal aberration. “Freak accident,” Alisa said.
“Yes,” Erin agreed. She looked at Alisa more closely. “Don’t I know you?” she asked.
“We met last Saturday night,” Alisa replied coolly. “At Hunter and Sky’s.”
Mary K.’s glance went to Erin, and she took an awkward step backward. I could see her putting the pieces together. Saturday night plus Hunter’s house equals witchcraft. She looked back at me. “Aren’t you here to study?” she asked sarcastically. Then she spun and stalked out of the library.
I started to go after her, but Erin held my arm in an iron grip.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” Alisa said quietly. Then she turned and went back to her table, where she started to gather her things.
I stared after her. “Morgan,” Erin said, giving me a gentle shake. I looked at her blankly. “Morgan, we need to have a circle. Right away.”
“Circle?” I repeated dumbly.
Erin’s face was pale and solemn. “This is becoming very serious,” she said, indicating the fallen shelf. “We can’t let it go on any longer.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. I was afraid to hear the answer.
“I mean that we have to rein in your power right away,” Erin replied. “Once you’ve learned more—once you’re more in control of your magick—then we can do an unbinding spell. But right now, you’re dangerous.” She took my hand. “I’m sorry, Morgan.”
I felt the air rush out of my lungs. Dangerous. The word echoed in my mind. “No,” I wanted to say, “absolutely not.” I thought about the white witch fire I had called up the other day. Erin was right; I had no idea where that power and knowledge had come from. Though it was different—I had felt myself channel the energy. Then I remembered the night the candle went out and the lightbulbs exploded. There could have been a fire. And now this. Mary K. was here, I thought. Mary K. could have been standing underneath that shelf.
My chest was tight. Erin was looking at me expectantly. “Okay,” I said at last. “I’ll do it.”
8. Loss
September 30, 1971
It’s been almost a week since it happened. I prepared the ritual, lit the fire in the cauldron, called upon the Goddess and the God for strength, and prepared to destroy Harris Stonghton’s vile book. But I couldn’t do it.
It’s hard to describe exactly what I was feeling. Fear, yes. And revulsion for the book and its author. But I also felt a strange sense of longing. I suppose it’s my Rowanwand blood-the love of and hunger for knowledge that we are known for. At any rate, I simply couldn’t destroy the book and take this knowledge-even though it’s dark knowledge-out of the world forever. I had to find a safe place for it.
My first thought was to bury it behind the house. Earth can be very powerful-it can purify objects that have been spelled. But I didn’t want to run the risk that someone, or even some animal, might dig up the book and find it. Besides, the book itself hasn’t been spelled. It’s a book of dark spells, and there is no mountain of earth in the world that can purify it.
But I realized that there is a place in my very own house that is ringed with spells of obscurity… a secret place no one but initiated blood witches can find: my parent’s library. I decided to put it there for now and to warn the about the book as soon as possible. I hadn’t wanted to tell them about it for fear of getting Sam into trouble. Then again, I thought that things had gone far enough.
My parents keep their dark magick titles, of which they have quite a few, on the highest shelf in the library. I had to get a stool to reach it. I stood there for a moment, reading the title before me. Some of them were fairly chilling, and as I placed the Stonghton book among them, I had a deep sense of foreboding.
At the very moment that I slid the book in among the others, the reading lamp on the table in the corner began to rattle and shake. Then it started to move. Slowly at first, then gaining speed, it slid across the table and crashed to the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. It’s an earthquake, I though, and I wanted to believe it-although whoever heard of an earthquake in Gloucester? Besides, I would have felt the whole room shaking.
Finally I managed to calm breathing and opened my eyes. Everything was still, including the books on the top shelf. I left the library as quickly as possible and redrew the sigils in a hurry.
I was so scared that for a moment I considered doing a circle in my room to calm my nerves. But instead I went up to the widow’s walk and let the rhythmic crashing of the waves hypnotize me.
I have to be honest with myself. Lately magick has seemed terrifying instead of wonderful. For now, I think I’ll let nature be my religion.
— Sarah Curtis
“We have to go right now,” Erin said, checking her watch. “Hunter should be home, and Sky is due back from the record store in twenty minutes. She may even be there by the time we arrive.”
I nodded, mute. The incredible unspeaking Morgan. Part of me just couldn’t believe that this was actually happening, and another part of me grasped that it was vitally important and had to take place right away. I found myself pulled along by the strength of Erin’s will—following her like a stick caught in the current of the river.
Time seemed to slow down and everything around me felt surreal as Erin and I walked to my car. As I slid into my seat and turned the key in the ignition, I noticed that Erin’s feet weren’t touching the floor of the car. She looked ridiculously small on Das Boot’s enormous bench seat, like a doll in an easy chair. Pulling into traffic, I felt hyperaware of the cars around me. Somehow a fly had found its way into my car, and it buzzed loudly against the windshield.
Erin’s voice cut into my thoughts. “I won’t lie to you, Morgan,” she was saying. “The ceremony isn’t going to be easy.”
I interrupted her. “I’ve seen someone stripped of their powers,” I said with a shudder, remembering David Redstone.