Yeah, she had and she knew it. She just didn’t know how to fix it. And because Greg seemed to know exactly what had happened, she didn’t feel the need to go through it again.
Hell, every time she even thought about it, she felt sick to her stomach and wanted to sit in a corner and have a good cry.
“I admit I probably didn’t handle the breakup well.”
She immediately bit her tongue. Damn it, she hadn’t meant to say anything else. She really didn’t want to talk about any of this and she hadn’t even told anyone. Not her friends, not her parents, not her sister. And it was eating away at her until her concentration was shot. And ManDown couldn’t afford for her concentration to be shot right now.
Greg was stretched thin at the moment with everything related to the release and the overall business. He trusted her to keep the details running smoothly. She couldn’t let him down by missing something she would’ve caught at any other time.
“Probably?” That one word held a wealth of sarcasm.
She wrinkled her nose at her boss and considered telling him to go jump off the nearest building. Instead, she blinked away sudden tears.
“Well, it’s not like he’s pining away over me. He’s getting ready to go on tour. He’s got an album releasing in a month. He’s probably not even thinking about me.”
“Uh-huh. You keep deluding yourself, Tru.”
A sudden burst of anger made her glare at him. “What do you want from me, damn it? Why are you here? To make me angry? To make me cry? What? Yes, I could’ve handled it better but . . .”
Greg cocked an eyebrow at her and she wanted to pluck out each individual hair. “But, what?”
“But I don’t think I can handle worrying about what he’s doing every minute of every day. And missing him for weeks on end.”
“Ah.”
She threw up her hands in defeat. “Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?”
Greg’s mouth twisted in a grimace. “No, I’m not. I care about you, hon. And I’m worried about you. You look heartsick and I hate it. And when I talk to Baz, he sounds the same. I don’t want to see two people I love hurt like this.”
And here she thought she’d been doing a good job of maintaining a calm exterior. This is why she hadn’t become an actress.
“It doesn’t matter now. It’s too late. He’s gone. And we’ll both move on. And since when do you get to give me romance advice?”
“Since I’m the one who has an actual romance. You made a mistake. And I know you already regret it.”
“So now you can read minds?”
“No, but I know you. And you’re so fucking sad right now, you can’t even manage to fight with me. Just call the guy.”
“He doesn’t want to hear from me. Not anymore. I’m sure he’s moved on.”
“And now you’re not giving him enough credit. Don’t be a coward, Tru. Just call him.”
She wanted to believe him. And she didn’t want to believe him. She wanted Sebastian to move on.
And she was being a total ass because she was lying to herself.
Christ. How much of an idiot had she been?
A big one, obviously. She’d thought she’d be getting over him by now. It’d been a week. One really, really long week. She’d cried herself to sleep the first three nights. The next night, she’d only cried for an hour.
But instead of feeling a little better every day, she felt a little worse. She’d actually forgotten to update her calendar yesterday and almost missed an important meeting with the city fire marshal. And today, she couldn’t even read through a simple agenda without having to blink away tears.
She’d made a huge mistake. She knew that now. But she couldn’t fix this with a phone call. She’d have to do so much more but for the first time in her life, she didn’t know what exactly she should do. And it left her paralyzed.
He’d walked away and hadn’t looked back. And even though she’d tried not to stalk him through Facebook or Twitter, she couldn’t help herself.
All of the band members had Twitter accounts and they’d been active the past week. Sebastian had posted a couple of pictures, none of himself. But Nik had taken a few of Sebastian and she’d drooled over those more times than she wanted to admit.
“Tru?’
“Yeah?”
“Call him.”
She sighed, unable to think straight.
“A call won’t fix this. I’m not sure anything can. There’s no easy solution.”
“I’ve never known you to give up, Truly.”
That one stung. She wanted to lash out and tell him to go to hell. But he was right.
When she stayed silent, Greg shook his head, his expression resigned. “Alright, how about this? Come with me and Bree Monday night. The band’s doing a secret show at Xander’s. At least go and see him so you can convince yourself you’re over him and move on.”
* * *
“Shit, there’s a fuckload of people out there.”
“You think they know who they’re here to see?”
“No idea, man. But I hope they don’t fucking stone us when we walk out.”
“Yeah, that would totally suck.”
Standing backstage, waiting to perform as Baseline Sins for the first time in a year, Sebastian wasn’t worried about anything.
He was excited as hell about being on stage with his friends again, playing their music. He just wished he didn’t still feel like shit about Tru.
He’d thought about calling her and inviting her to the show, but she’d made it pretty clear they were finished. Hell, she’d probably already made plans to date fucking Cory Shirk again. And that ripped at the hole in his chest a little more.
“Hey, Baz. You okay?”
Turning his head, he found Nik standing next to him, staring at him like he expected to see him puke or run. “I’m good. Just anxious to get this started.”
“Me, too.” Nik fell silent for a second. “She’s out there. Did you see her?”
Every muscle in his body tensed. Damn it, he didn’t want to know that. And now that he did, he wanted to see her.
“No. Doesn’t matter.”
Nik bumped his shoulder against Baz’s. “Fuck that. Of course it matters. Now, what the hell are you gonna do about it?”
Not one damn thing. “She’s the one who dumped me. I don’t know why she’s here. Probably just wants to see me fall on my face.”
Nik snorted. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”
It was. Tru wasn’t like that. Still . . . “I don’t have a fucking clue why she’s here. Maybe just to keep Sabrina company. I wish she wasn’t.”
“And I cry bullshit again. You fucking lit up when I told you.”
Yeah, he had. He honestly hadn’t expected to see her tonight. And now that he knew she was here . . .
Jesus, maybe she’d shown up just to drive him crazy because that’s exactly what was happening.
But he knew that wasn’t Tru. Not at all.
Maybe she was here to see him because she missed him?
Christ, he wished she did because she was almost all he thought about lately.
“Alright, alright, alright.” Xander’s voice boomed above the music pumping out in the pit. “Gentleman, are you ready to get this show started?”
Adrenaline pumped through Baz’s system. Yeah, he was ready. He actually couldn’t fucking wait. Redemption waited out there.
Catching the eyes of each of his bandmates, who all stared at him, Baz nodded to Xander.
“Okay. Let’s do this.”
* * *
An hour and a half into the show, Baz felt like he could play all night.
The audience had screamed and stomped when Xander had introduced them, and that primal, gut feeling of being exactly where he belonged had flashed through his body like a gasoline-fueled blaze.
So fucking good. Better than any drug in the world.
And made better because he knew she was out there. He’d caught sight of Tru standing beside Sabrina, had seen the smile on her face and it made him feel like a god. As if he could do anything.
The energy from the crowd was an entirely different animal but he soaked that up, as well, letting it lift his spirit even higher.