I got very little rest in the long winter nights, being continually awakened to care for my sick mistress. She would settle down to sleep as early as possible and I, in an adjoining room, would read, or smoke, or try to change the current of my ideas in furbishing up this most lascivious textbook.
I remember well one chapter, which spoke of “pleasures of man alone, by the aid of woman, but without her reciprocal participation.” One paragraph recommended a kind of false copulation between the tightly closed thighs of a female.
I added: “This position can be recommended to all having to do with very young girls or half-virgins…. Incestuous Papas please note.” (Dialogue V. Chap. 11.)
And I had in my mind the lecherous old man and the passionate, dissembling girl of Sonis.
No news came from her until a fortnight had passed, when she suddenly took it into her shapely head to send me the following letter:
LILIAN TO JACKY.
Hôtel Joli-Site, Monaco. January 17, 1898.
My own darling,
You must really think I have forgotten all about you, yet such is not the case. Ever since our arrival here, the weather has been so fine that we have been out all day long.
Mamma being ill in bed with influenza, I am her nurse, so I am free for a little while. She is asleep and my very first letter is for you. How is my sweet Papa? Well and happy, I hope. Very naughty?
Since the last few days I am in a nervous state which I am unable to describe. I do not know what to attribute it to, unless it be the warm weather. It acts upon me like the coming of spring. If my little Papa was like that, I should be very much annoyed, for I have not the confidence in his chastity that I have in mine, and as I am absent the results would be disastrous.
I have got my smelling-bottle with me. It is on my toilet-table, and every morning as I dress, I tell to it a heap of things about my Papa. Oh! such pretty things!
I have not been out on my bicycle yet, but I have been several times to the pigeon shooting, and last Friday to Nice races. I have played roulette, too. I have lost, then won, and after all I am just as well off as the day I started, being quits.
I expect a letter from you as soon as possible. You can address it to me like this, of course in your feigned handwriting: Mademoiselle L. Arvel, Hotel Joli-Site, Monaco.
But I won't have “Marie” to write to me any more, or sign. I tear up your letters as soon as read, for my sake as well as yours, which you can well understand.
I fret about my dogs, yearning especially for my Blackamoor. Yours are happier, as they do not leave you. I know a certain person who would often like to be in the place of Smike. You know who I mean as well as I do.
I send you a big, long, and passionate kiss.
Yours lovingly,
LILY.
JACKY TO LILIAN.
Paris. Wednesday, January 23, 1898.
My dear little girl,
Your pretty letter made me very happy. I venture to think that you hoped for that result. It does me good to think that I possess a little bit of your heart and that you have truly some tender feeling for me. All the rest is very nice, doubtless very intoxicating but, without sincere feeling, it has but little value for me.
I tell you frankly that I began to doubt you slightly. I had good reasons. Since the twenty-sixth of last November, you have treated me in rather a peculiar manner. But I will not darken my letter by scolding you. The first time that I shall be alone with you, I will explain in a few words what I mean, and which, by the way, is without importance now, for your letter completely effaces all my doubts. You will understand me if I say that you are not “business-like” enough. Even in love, you should try and realize what torturing thoughts come over us, as we wait for some sparse news of her who has said: “I love you!”
You owed me a word of tenderness; a pretty thought scribbled hastily; a telegram; no matter what to make he who was waiting far away take patience, my darling.
How you forget all those little things which nevertheless are important in life! You wrote to me on the eve of your departure, promising your address in the South. I have not had that wire. I could not therefore send the papers and magazines to Mr. Arvel. Tell him that you have done it, and next Sunday I will post him a packet.
My beautiful Lilian, your Papa has had a strong attack of influenza, short but not sweet, and at this moment I am worthless. I am flabby, feverish, and stupid. I am a rag, an empty sack, and I could look without emotion and see every sofa in the world burnt before my eyes.
I am pleased that you are in good health and that you are amused. Be a good girl, don't let yourself be cajoled.
Often I think of you. Since we… I think of you always, and I hope you will write to me all the pretty things you tell your smelling-bottle. I think that the ideas that gallop through your little brain are the same as those I also have when I think of my daughter. Do you know, my child, that we have such a lot of pretty, nice little things to practice together? You can have no idea of them.
But we'll see about that when you return. Good luck when you gamble! You know the hackneyed saying: “Unlucky at play, lucky in love!” Try and make the proverb lie, by being happy in both. I will attend to my part of the contract. Such is what I wish you.
If you should have bad news of your dogs-or especially of Blackamoor-quick, send me a telegram and I will go to Sonis. They shall have the best of care, the same as mine. This is serious.
My dogs are fit. Smike fought big curs twice this month and he has been well bitten.
He is like his master, his bark is worse than his bite. He is very loving, cannot live without caresses, and the only thing he detests is neglect from those he loves.
Write to me soon and often. I think I deserve a few nice letters. You, wicked one, do not deserve a long letter such as this is.
I think I love you too much. Thank you for your loving kiss. But it is only one. I send you a heap, placed where you like them best.
And now, do not be lazy. Do not be too long without writing to ask me if I am better.
I squeeze you tightly against me, sweet, and ask nothing better than to always be,
Your own darling.
(Unsigned.)
LILIAN TO JACKY.
Cercle des Etrangers de Monaco, Salon de Lecture, Monte-Carlo. January 21, 1898.
My dear Mr. S.,
Just two words to give our address here: Arvel, Hotel Joli-Site, Monaco.
We are all in good health and we hope you are the same.
We beg you to accept the assurance of our good friendship.
LILIAN ARVEL.
LILIAN TO JACKY.
Cercle des Etrangers de Monaco, Salon de Lecture, Monte-Carlo. January 21, 1898.
Dearest,
You are not “business-like” in love, you tell me, in your long and good letter. I did not know that to please you I had to be “business-like,” above all in love. In the future I will be as you wish!
You had doubts, but what doubts could you possibly have? That is an enigma for me. Have I not been always very frank with you; have I not always told you everything, down to the smallest stupidities which other girls less-how shall I say it? — less foolish than me, would have hidden from you? Unless I receive from you very ample and fully detailed explanations, your daughter will be quite angry.
Make haste then to write, and unveil your heart until it is naked before my eyes.
If you would be a real darling, you will go to Sonis and pay a little visit to your grandchildren… the bow-wows. That will please me greatly, and in this way you will insinuate yourself still farther into the good graces of Mamma, which is quite indispensable.
We have received your papers, which are vastly appreciated by Papa and myself. I thank you.