I answered calmly and curtly, and gave her a rendezvous for Wednesday, August 3.
LILIAN TO JACKY.
Telegram, received August 3, 1898.
Four o'clock. Usual place.
LILIAN.
Lilian appeared, very pleased to see me, and very penitent, in spite of her peppery note, at the famous rue de Leipzig, where she had said she would never come again.
She looked very sweet in my eyes, and was dressed in a charming, simple costume of écru coutil, fitting closely over her well-made buttocks. She was very proud of her bottom, and I have seen her tighten her skirt over it, and show it to her stepfather, when her Mamma had left her with him and me, saying she was Venus Callipyge.
Lily pretended to be cross, but I bluntly told her what a little fool she was. She had been an hour late on the preceding occasion, and if any one ought to have lost their temper it should have been me and not her. She was perfectly ridiculous, with her jealousy and irritation, and finally I forced her to humbly beg my pardon. Then we kissed, as lovers had never kissed before. I half undressed her, and partly for fun, partly in earnest, slapped her, and pinched her, and pulled the black fleece that shaded her sex, making her suffer just a little.
I told her to come to me on the day when she was late, with the ribbon fastened to the hair on her mons Veneris, and she was also to have a great desire to make water, as she was not to “make herself comfortable” from the hour of rising. All this foolery she had done, and that is what she meant when she had said that she was ripe for me. This time, she had done none of these things, as she was annoyed with me. So I slapped her face. I frequently did so. I loved to see the slight patch of color follow the sting of my hand upon her cheek. After each smarting blow, I saw the light of lust in her eyes, and her ghoulish mouth cupped my lips, as if to thank me for the exquisite joy my chastisement aroused within her. I recurred to the idea of her being my footstool, and I threw her roughly onto her knees in front of me, as I sat on the sofa. Taking her head in my two hands, I pressed her laughing face between my trousered thighs and rubbed her nose and mouth brutally against the cloth, through which the eager staff seemed trying to escape. Then I let her drop full length on the carpet, lying on her back, her skirts all turned up and disordered, her drawers open. I kicked her with my booted feet, and turned her over with the toe of my boots, gently trampling on her naked belly. Lying thus at my mercy, she giggled, purred, and cooed, like a naked, happy baby after its bath. In the romp, some hairpins and combs had fallen from her luxuriant tresses and, gathering them up, I stabbed her thighs with the fine points, until she begged for mercy.
Then I pulled her up and made her take off my Russian leather lace-up boots, ordering her to kiss the soles and uppers. She did all I told her, and was happy to obey. Then I made her undress me, and she awkwardly performed the duties of a valet. Each garment, as she took it off, I ordered her to take across the room, hang it up, and return to me.
I commanded her to unbutton my trousers, fish out my member, and go on her knees and suck it. She was quite unabashed and would not have the curtains drawn. In the open daylight, we went naked to the bed. At the foot of it was the mirror of the wardrobe, and to her astonishment there was a looking glass in the ceiling of the couch. We both sated our sight with the view of both our bodies writhing on the bed, madly kissing and feeling each other, enjoying the sensation of the absolute contact of our sensual skins.
I asked her if she wanted to be licked, but she preferred me to masturbate her.
I did so, and when she had convulsively joined her thighs in the delicious agony of the spending spasm, and recovered from the shock, I lay upon her. I got the tip of my weapon between the moist lips of her toy.
She said, as she always did:
“It does hurt so! Oh, you hurt me!”
And then she exclaimed:
“How nice it would be if it did not hurt!”
I then obliged her to lick my testicles and my thighs, and, lifting my legs high up in the air, I told her and taught her that infamous, entrancing caress, called feuille de rose, when the tongue, made as pointed as possible, penetrates the anus. She was quite docile and performed her strange task in a most charming manner.
Then she sucked me, and I spent freely in her delicious mouth, keeping her head in my hands, until I was quite soft again. Without an effort, she swallowed every drop, and when I left her lips, the urethra was as dry as if I had never emitted. She dearly loved sucking, and called my virile organ her poupée, her dolly.
I told her as she licked me that I had still one or two more dirty little tricks to try with her.
I gave her two vilely obscene books to read, both on the same subject: the entire subjugation of a woman to man's cruelty and lust. They were: The Convent School, and Colonel Spanker's Lecture.
I told her that I meant to make her absolutely shameless, and utterly degraded, by the continual humiliations she would have to undergo when with me, and I explained that I gloried in making her do the most disgusting things. The more unutterably depraved I am, the more she likes it, and calls me her dirty Papa. She enjoyed being knocked about, shaken, and roughly handled by me.
When we were both naked, I made her lick me under the arms and suck my nipples. She demurred at sucking beneath my armpits, but I made her do it.
She liked the penetration of my ruthless fingers in her fundament, and I found that she had a growth of hair between the posteriors. As she gets older, she will be very hairy.
There was no question of money this time, her parents being away, and she informed me that her father and mother would leave her at home on the twentieth, as they go to Germany, so probably I should see a little more of her.
My villainously lecherous brain now began to be excited by a dreadful idea. I dearly desired to give her up to Lord Fontarcy and Clara. In my presence, the couple could do as they chose with her. I tried to drive the dream away, but it kept returning daily and nightly. I thought it would be a fearful effort and a real ordeal for her, and the knowledge that I was corrupting the virgin who seemed to adore me excited and delighted me immensely.
I did not dare broach the subject. I thought over it, and in the meantime I remember that in all the letters I wrote to her, I tried to make myself out as the most abandoned debauchee in the world.
6
O my love come nearer to Lilith
(Eden's bower's in flower)
In thy sweet folds bind me and bend me
And let me fed the shape thou shalt lend me!
What more prize than love to impel thee?
Grip and lip my limbs as I tell thee!
And so I lay all night with him but he… rose up and dressed him in the morning, and left me as innocent for him as I was the day I was born.
I frequently lay with him, and he with me, and altho' all the familiarities between man and wife were common to us, yet he never once offered to go any farther, and he valued himself much upon it.
LILIAN TO JACKY.
Sonis-sur-Marne. August 7, 1898.
My best beloved in the world,
Excuse me for not having answered your letter, and for using the typewriter today, but a mosquito has bitten my hand, and it is in such a state that I cannot use it.
I profit by a momentary absence of Papa to use the machine.
You are very impudent to send me such an awful caricature sketch of my very beautiful and very adored Blackamoor.