If this story was a novel, it would now be my duty to say that I was hurried out of the house and left to go to the train alone and then I should say that I climbed over the wall, and, creeping up to the window, saw Papa and the Japanese beauty joined in the closest copulation.
In the excitement of desire, and while emitting freely, as only heroines of bawdy books can, she cries out: “Oh, if Jacky were only with us, Papa!” At these words, I jump through the window, and am naked at once! We join in triple voluptuousness; we are surprised by the return of Mamma and Raoul, and they are also introduced into the tableau.
Unfortunately, this is a true story, and I remember now that Papa saw me to the station alone, while Lilian went probably up to bed to get undressed and wait for him to return, while I went quietly to Paris by the train.
What is perfectly sure, however, is that the continual state of erection I had been in all day, without satisfaction, left me with excruciating pains in my testicles, and I made up my mind not to let the presence of Lilian and her sly caresses have such an effect on me in the future.
On arriving at the Eastern railway station, I met Adèle and her soldier son going to take the train home, and I stopped and chatted with them for a few moments.
The spirit of mischief moved me to tell Mamma in a careless way that she would find her daughter at home in Japanese costume and I added that Lilian had had hard work to find the key to get out the dress.
“Dear me!” replied Madame Arvel, innocently “I've got my key in my pocket. Lilian has her own costume in her bedroom wardrobe.”
After hearty thanks for their cordial reception they went to their train, and I departed thinking over Lily's fib, which was to hide the fact that the Japanese dinner disguise was a pre-arranged project between her and Papa.
Shrove Tuesday, 1899.
Lord Fontarcy was on a flying visit to Paris alone, and we breakfasted together, while I excused myself for leaving him at two o'clock, as I told him that I had to meet Lilian and her brother and join the confetti fight. I asked him to come with me and told him how he could make use of the occasion to worm himself into Raoul's good graces and get him for Clara. He refused, as he did not see the fun of waiting until Raoul had finished his year of military service in September. Nor would he accompany me to see Lilian, and I saw that my good old friend did not like her at all and appeared frightened of her and all her family. Without knowing the secret of Lilian's life, which discovery I kept to myself, his experience in matters of this kind, greater than mine, led him to go so far as to utter the sinister word, “blackmail,” but I laughed at his well-meant warning and told him that I knew how to take care of myself.
I did not tell him that I knew how Lilian, who had undoubtedly had some kind of carnal pleasure with her brother, was too jealous to let him make the acquaintance of Fontarcy and his wife. That was why she had broken off his engagement with Charlotte, meaning to keep him for herself.
He left me, and I went to the place of appointment, arranged with my Lilian of Sonis, which was at the corner of the Place de l'Opéra, near the Café de la Guerre.
I was frightened I might miss her, as the crowd had already begun to thicken, and the tiny atoms of colored paper were flying thickly, as the gay Parisians threw them into each other's faces with many a merry laugh.
Lilian now appeared, prettily dressed as usual, and powdered, scented, with her reddened lips, according to her latest fancy. Raoul had not arrived yet. She told me he had taken an earlier or later train, I forget which, as I was under the charm, and thought only of the happiness I felt at spending a whole afternoon with her. I suppose her brother had gone to see Charlotte, but it is of very little account.
Lily scolded me, as her Papa, she said, had informed her that I was not energetic, and did not try to get on in the world. As long as I could find time to get out with my dog, Smike, that was all I wanted, she said.
I told her of a certain number of projects I had formed and she gravely approved of them, but I could not help saying that I was unaware such interest was taken in me at the villa.
“Oh! we often speak of Jacky; and we want you to get on. I do all I can for you with Papa and Mamma, as I am really very fond of you.”
“Excepting in the winter.”
“You must not complain, as Gaston, poor fellow, ran after me for years, and I never granted him that!”
She clicked her thumbnail against her teeth in true Parisian style.
During the conversation, we were walking round the Opéra, until at last I took her into the Café de la Guerre, and we sat down and had a glass of champagne, her beloved beverage, keeping our eyes on the door, so as not to miss her brother.
She now made me a kind of declaration of love and completed my sense of sensual intoxication, by telling me how she loved me and how she had tried to struggle against her inclination, but unable to forget me, she had now made up her mind to throw all scruples to the winds and let herself be mine without restraint, enjoy herself with me and see as much of me as she could. Life was too short to deprive oneself of love! Did I not believe her? Was she not doing all she could for me at Sonis?
“Doubtless you love me a little. If not, I should not be here today, as there is nothing to make you seek me out, unless you choose, but you are very ambitious and in your worldliness, lose all tender feelings. I know you would like me to be better off and join me in business if possible. But what would Papa and Mamma say to you being in partnership with me, or if I provided a sum of money to start you as a bonnet-builder in Paris, could I afford it?”
I never got an answer when I introduced her parents' names into the debate, and I judged it to be more prudent not to allude to Papa, or the fun on the divan of the preceding evening. Nor did I tell her that Fontarcy was in Paris. We drifted on to other subjects, and I repeated what I had always said and believed, that the only future for a woman in France was the married state, and that if I had always been fool enough to respect her, it was because I saw her with a loving husband in all my dreams of her future. I thought it best not to allude to the least thing that might hurt her feelings.
“You will pass happy nights in the arms of a husband, and will soon forget Jacky, his filthy caresses and his mad ideas of whips and belts. Don't forget, Lilian, that husbands enjoy their wives in very sober fashion, without any fancy flourishes.”
“Then I should not like it!” she exclaimed, with a disdainful toss of her pretty head.
Raoul now appeared on the scene and joined us in a glass of champagne; Lilian told me I was to spend all day with them and return to dinner in their company at the villa, but I demurred, saying that I had already been there the day before, and such behavior would savour intrusion. Lilian told me to have confidence in her and not to prevent her bringing about our mutual happiness in her own way. I accepted, thinking in petto, she was the mistress of the house.
Raoul and his sister whispered together, and begging to be excused, both of them went off to see somebody who was employed at the American bar, which is in another part of the building, and it struck me that Lilian was well-known in the establishment. I knew it was frequented by many officers. She returned soon with Raoul, giggling and whispering foolishly with him, and we began to talk about starting on our tour down the boulevards, to join in the paper war, which had already waxed fast and furious. Lilian boldly said before her brother that she wanted to do a little “pee” first, and we waited until she came back, with a fresh dab of powder on the end of her insolent nose.
After loading ourselves with bags of confetti, we were soon lost in the fray, and I cannot now remember how much we used, but none of the ladies on the boulevards that day were more audacious than Lilian. She attacked all good-looking young men, fighting till vanquished and surrounded, as she always was, by a crowd of lusty males, who, under pretence of covering her with confetti, popped their fingers down her neck, or pinched her posteriors. I am sure she liked the rough horseplay, although she would break away from her tormentors and throw herself in my arms, hiding her head in my breast, which ostrich-like proceeding dispersed the attacking party, and she drew breath until the next onslaught. I noticed that she rushed at all soldiers in uniform, especially young and handsome officers, and, boldly making a stand in front of them, defied them, as it were, to mortal combat, and my suspicious mind, remembering her talk of Boxing-night, immediately gave her an officer as a lover.