But we were all very happy in spite of his grumbling and there was joy in the house of Arvel, and money too. All kinds of goods kept continually arriving from the big shops and stores of London and Paris during this month, and Arvel pulled out handfuls of gold to pay the bills. The garden too cost a lot of money, without counting the photographic requisites and the painting and decorating of the new part of the house, which was never done with and was sufficiently comfortable.
During the breakfast, which was most generously served in spite of Mamma's promises of moderation, Lilian's health was the topic discussed and Papa announced his intention of taking her away on a journey to give her a little change of air. Mamma did not object and Lilian said nothing. I opened my ears as wide as I could, and as I was always ready in that house to agree with everybody, gravely said that it was the very best thing that could be done for the health of Mademoiselle. Papa mentioned the name of a seaport town and asked me what I thought of it. I replied that I did not think she would care much about the sea at this time of year and that there was not much to be seen in a small French port at any time. So Papa suggested Brussels or Berlin, and after a little conversation it was decided that Lilian was to visit Brussels, where she had never been. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask Mamma if she was going too, but I thought better of it, and indeed the sprightly Lilian left me no time for reflection, but kept me thoroughly enchanted with the frequency of her most audacious caresses and never passed her good Papa without touching and tickling him, too.
I told her how excited I had been to see her in Japanese costume and asked if she could not manage, as she knew how to make a dress, to knock up a very low body and come to dinner one night in this very décolleté bodice, which I wanted to be quite low under the arms, so as to show the arm-pits, and was to be cut in the same V-shape as the Japanese costume, both front and back, as that shape suited her thin figure admirably. She replied that she dared not attempt such a thing, as Mamma had scolded her dreadfully about the Japanese disguise, and as for fancy dresses, at that moment: “She wasn't taking any!” I loved to hear her speak in English slang with her French accent.
We had a very nice long walk that afternoon together and she enchanted me by giving me a little present as a surprise. This was quite spontaneous, and formed the first and last present she ever gave me. And it was simply a little sachet about two inches square, of white silk, embroidered with the initials of our two Christian names. It smelt strongly of Lilian's aromatic scent, but the curious part of the matter was that she told me she kept the wadding it contained for two nights inside her virgin (?) furrow, in order that I should always be under the charm of the odor di femina which I loved so well, especially when I knew it was Lilian's. In spite of my blind lust for her, I am sorry to say that I did not believe her; I could not see Lilian sleeping two nights with a little bit of wool inside her crack, for anybody. Still I was very pleased to think she should take the trouble to invent such a pretty lie for me, as the intention to make me happy was clearly there. I discovered that she carried her hatred of sentimentality so far as to be very delighted when I called her by the most opprobrious epithets and, as I applied them to her, she would purr and lick her lips in a transport of delight, and, rubbing herself against me, make me repeat the words: salope, puhin, vache, etc., over and over again.
She also asked for more erotic dreams of cruelty and told me she kept most preciously the strap and the paint-brush I had left behind me at the end of August, when I had slept all night with her. I told her how I should like to spread-eagle her by tying her to the end of a bedstead, her arms and legs stretched out, forming with her body a kind of a Maltese cross, but she pulled a long face whenever I spoke of any position or diversion of passion which would force her to open her legs. I was more than ever sure that her little bird had flown, but I put on a most innocent air and asked her if she was not afraid to trust herself so much alone with me, because I might throw her down and violate her and I could do it easily here at Sonis, as she dare not cry out or make a movement that would disturb her dress.
“You need not take all that trouble, as I am keeping it for Jacky!”
I was so astounded at the coolness of her reply that I was suffocated for the moment, and she profited by my stupefaction to run on and tell me what happiness it would be for her to go on a journey with me to London and sleep with me several nights. I gathered from that proposition that she wanted to keep me from her until she could get me into a bed at night, and then she would make me believe I had seduced her. I was careful not to say too much, or she would have flown into a temper, been on her guard, and I should never have known anything.
The same fun went on as before in the dark-room just as before dinner, and once being alone with Papa, he asked me if the authorities still allowed bawdy-houses to be carried on. I replied in the affirmative, and no more was said about the matter, but I thought it was just on the cards that Papa wanted to take Lilian with him to one of those hospitable homes of free love.
Lilian reappeared and put a stop to our conversation and we soon had to go in to dinner, for which we were late, much to Mamma's disgust, and we were treated to a long lecture from her as she pretended to make out that this photography was a folly and would never bring in a penny, while he and Lilian would catch their death of rheumatism if they passed their evenings in the damp little hut together as they were now doing nightly. This diatribe did not prevent Lilian from following me to the tiny studio when I had to go in the middle of the dinner, or a plate would have been spoilt. We had a good bout of lip and tongue sucking and she put her fingers in the front of my trousers for a second, and then we returned through the dark garden as if nothing had occurred. Lilian's lips were all chapped and feverish and she kept putting on the pink pomade. Both Papa and myself must have been licking her delicious lips this month as they had never been licked before.
After dinner, Lilian and I were quickly in the drawing-room, as Mamma had stopped all photography for the night, and, getting rid of Granny, we kissed and caressed each other to such an extent that I begged her to finish me with her hand, or I should go mad. “What, really? You will enjoy in your trousers? You must not do that!”
Granny now returned and, speaking to me, drove my unsatisfied lust from my mind for a time, and then the pains came on again. I sat by her side as she tried to knock a tune out of the piano, but as her Papa said, “She couldn't play for nuts.”
I talked to her in English and told her how I was suffering from what was called a “suppressed horn” and that I wished she had made me spend in my breeches just then. She said that would be disgusting. I retorted that there was nothing to be disgusted with when it is a man we are supposed to love, and she was very happy to have me tell her that if ever she slept with me again, she would have to lick my feet and under my arms, without counting other peculiar and strongly smelling parts of a man's body, at six o'clock in the morning, when all is hot and redolent of a rutting male. She agreed, and all was arranged in her mind to try and come to the station with me and masturbate me in a secluded spot, but nothing came of it. I think she played a deep part, promising me anything, and praising all I suggested, but I could not take any notice of what she said. I always guessed she would cry off at the last moment, and despite my great desire I never believed much of all the stuff she told me, though at this moment I was ever head over heels in love with her.