I cannot remember how it happened exactly, but I should fancy that I alluded to our masturbation of the morning.
“I owe you one!” said Lilian, “as you made me happy and I was too frightened to finish you, but I will now if you like!”
And before I knew where I was, I was walking along the country road which led from the Villa Lilian to the Place d'Armes, with my person fully exposed, and Lilian gently manipulating me as I walked by her side. Whenever we caught sight of a rare passer-by, I drew my overcoat over my stiffened member, and Lilian, withdrawing her fairy fingers, marched by my side like a nun going to chapel. Was it my fault or Lilian's that Papa's name was mentioned? Lilian always called him: “Mr. Arvel,” when she spoke about him to me, and I talked once more about his love for her, she still pressing the sign of manhood in her warm hand, having taken off her glove for the purpose.
“It would be to your advantage to let him love you. Why don't you seduce him?”
“That would not be difficult!” was her swift rejoinder.
“I am a long time coming tonight,” I said after a few moments' silence, during which I began to enjoy the touch of her clever hand on my private parts, for I could feel she was rapidly becoming an expert. “I suppose Papa is not so long coming as me?” I asked this question in a most quiet, offhand way.
“Oh, he is much longer than you,” she replied quite naturally.
“How do you do it?” I answered, “With your hand or your mouth? Which does he like best?”
I thought I was getting on finely and had I had a proper reply this book would never have seen the light. Another moment perhaps, and I shall know all and as I spend she will confess her imposture. But I had no experience with wicked women, as Lilian dropped my weapon, which was about to go off, and ran away from me across the road. Like a fool, like a man burning to emit, I went after her, my miserable weapon sticking out in front of me at halfcock.
“What's the matter, Lilian?”
“How dare you speak to me like that?”
That is what she said, or words to that effect, as she saw she had been too far. I only knew one thing at that moment; I wanted to spend, any way she liked, so I put my pride in my pockets, especially as I did not care whether Papa used her as a toy or not, if she would toy with me. I begged her pardon, making a very pretty little speech all about people who love each other never sulking or quarrelling together, but making the necessary complaint at once, and after discussing matters, the one in the wrong should freely beg the other's pardon and all be cleared up at once. Entirely mollified, my queen deigned to take me in her soft palm once more and kissed my lips, complaining how chapped and feverish her own were, while she continued to rub my stiff shaft.
We were standing on the pavement against the railings of a beautiful villa, and I told Lilian that she was behaving like a common woman who made men spend in holes and corners at night time for a few pence.
“A common low prostitute that a man can do anything with, not like you, a wretched little cow…quicker now with your hand…who does not love me in spite of all she says!”
“Oh, don't say that! I do love you and would do anything for you!”
“Faster, love…faster, little whore!”
“Oh, yes, I am your little whore!”
“And you would do anything for me? Anything, no matter how dirty or disgusting?”
“Anything, as long as it is you!”
“I take you at your word! I have a little biscuit in my pocket and when I have come, I will moisten it with my spendings and you will eat it!”
“Certainly, my darling, and I am ready to do anything else you may ask me!”
“All this time she kept on with her movements to make me enjoy, and I was so greatly excited that I knew I should be a little longer than usual in attaining the height of pleasure. It was a cold night; I was tired from my ride, and the champagne and the wine and liqueurs I had drunk had got into my head, for I am a water-drinker. I wanted to be finished before anybody came along the road to interrupt us, so I called out to Lilian:
“Faster, go faster still-and grip me tight! So! Hold it as tight as you can!”
“I can't press it tighter! I can't go faster! Oh, my wrist aches! I can't keep on! I shall let you go!”
“Beware if you do, little whore! I'll pay you well! I'll give you a franc, two francs, if you do as I tell you!” She redoubled her efforts. “Now, I'm coming!”
Lilian shrieked, as if frightened, but she had sufficient sang-froid to direct the jet through the railings of the garden against which we were standing, and I lost my head in the delicious agony of this onanistic diversion in the open air.
I took the biscuit and with it wiped away the drop that remained at the urethra, walking after my sweetheart, who had moved on a pace or two. I offered it to her. She refused to keep her word, as I thought, and I was in no way disappointed. I knew my own mania, common to many other men, if they would only confess it. It is that of imagining all kinds of horrors, or impossible tricks and schemes of lust when they are under the influence of extreme sexual excitement, but once they have discharged their elixir, all is generally forgotten. Women know this, and promise anything to the male while he is in this state. Beware then, my masculine readers, of what you tell your mistress during the long-drawn-out copulation of the morning, when, steadied by the work of the night before, the erection is constant, but the end is as yet far off. Ask your mistress at the moment to give up to you all her relations, masculine and feminine, to grant you the most filthy and unheard-of favors. She will consent to all, and when you are satisfied, will laugh at your insensate longings. You, perchance, have betrayed your secrets, while talking as you lazily moved in and out of her hot gap, and now she knows that you want her sister, or would dearly love to have the little girl or boy who is asleep in the next room, in bed with you two. Perhaps the child you covet is of your own blood? So much the more voluptuous, but take heed of the awakening, when the delightful crises is passed. Thus Lilian was debauched, I venture to think, when she came into the bed of her mother, between her and her lover, in the morning early.
I threw away the biscuit, laughing inwardly at my own folly, which I take a strange pleasure in unveiling here, and we began to turn towards her home.
She explained that she intended to go up to Paris on Thursday, the ninth of March, which was the day of Mi-Carême, under the pretext of visiting Charlotte, and her parents would let her, if she took her principal workwoman with her. She would leave her at the station, which would suit the girl too, and come to me, meeting the assistant in the evening to return home with her. I was delighted and thanked her a thousand times. Then she told me what to say to each of her parents in turn when I should see them at the station. I was to evince a lively interest in Raoul, and ask Mamma how I could send him some eau de Cologne, since I myself had taught them that it was a sovereign remedy for tender feet. To Papa, I was to say that I hoped I should soon have the pleasure of a long, long day with him in his dark-room, without any gadding about, so as to become a real and efficient aid to him.
When we got to the station, the train had gone and the German, too. We were both well scolded, and after due apologies on my part, I walked on with Mamma, as there was half an hour to wait for another train. I told her that I wished to send some Cologne water to her son, and she told me to arrange it with Lilian, as Papa must not know, being too jealous of the lad.
During this, I watched Lilian, who was eagerly and excitedly whispering to her Pa. Then I said good night to him as Lilian moved away to let me recite my lesson, and he heard me out patiently. When I had finished, he frowned and grunted, as was his habit, but never answered me at all. He was no dupe of our, or rather of Lilian's, petty intrigue, nor did he take the trouble to dissimulate.