“And when it was over, it’s like I said—I wasn’t sure what I’d just been a part of. But I knew that I had never experienced any bond like that with any other woman. Maybe you’re the only one, maybe there’s another…but regardless, I didn’t have it with Maddie. She’s amazing. I do love her. But in that situation again? I would never find her. And I knew it wasn’t fair to lead her into a life without that connection. You and I…I don’t understand what’s between us, but I’d rather spend my life alone than with someone who isn’t you.”
He fell silent, and it was one of those weird times where I had no quick response. Instead, I linked my hand with his and stretched alongside him in the place he’d made on the chair, resting my head on his chest. He placed his hand on my shoulder, his fingers pressing into my skin to make sure I stayed. His heart beat against my ear.
“How’s this going to end?” I asked bleakly.
“I…don’t know, any more than I know how Cady and O’Neill are going to end.” He sighed. “I have a feeling I will be alone. In spite of everything that’s changed between us, nothing’s actually changed.”
“I…I don’t know.”
Again, my clever words were gone, but he was right. A lifetime seemed to have passed since we had split up, but all the same problems were still there. I might wax poetic about the universal connection of our souls, but it could never be matched physically, not so long as I refused him that. And mortality…always there was mortality beating down upon us. Seth wouldn’t live forever, and that knowledge—figuratively speaking—killed me.
Which reminded me of something. I lifted my head and propped myself onto him so that my hair hung around us as I looked down at his face. “When are you coming home?”
He brushed some of the hair away, tucking it behind my ear. It came loose again. “Who said I’m coming home?”
“Don’t joke. You have to.”
“I’m not joking. Do you think I can go back there? I can’t see Maddie…. I can’t stand to see what I’ve done to her.”
“You don’t have to see her,” I said. “Don’t go to the store. People break up all the time and don’t have to move.”
Seth shook his head. “Yeah, but with my luck, we’d still run into each other. At a movie. A restaurant. Something. I’m a coward, Georgina. I don’t want to see her…not after…well, you didn’t see her face when I told her.”
“I saw her face afterward,” I said. “It was probably close enough. I can’t believe you’re seriously saying you’d never come back to Seattle just to avoid her.”
“She’s not the only one I’d be avoiding.” Again, he tried to tuck the unruly hair back. When he failed again, he simply slid his hand down my arm, tracing its curves with his fingertips. “I don’t think I can handle seeing you either. Even being with you now…it’s like the best thing in the world and the worst. Seeing you all the time would just drive home how we can’t be together—and we would see each other all the time, you know. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that fate doesn’t let you and me stay apart for long.”
Seth’s words were such an odd contradiction. On one side, they were all filled with love and romantic sentiment about how agonizing his life was without me. Yet…there was more than just that. There was a defeatist attitude throughout it all, one I’d never seen in him before. Somewhere in all of this, Seth had gained a new bitterness, and I had the uneasy thought that if I could see his soul like Hugh could, the stain of sin would be even darker than before. I made one more attempt.
“Pull me out of the equation. You have to go back for your family. They need you. Andrea’s sick.”
“Everyone gets sick. That’s not a convincing argument.”
“No…you don’t understand. They didn’t tell you. She doesn’t have the flu…she’s got cancer.”
That got a reaction. His expression went rigid. “No, she doesn’t.”
“She does. Brandy told me.”
“She must have been confused,” he said adamantly. “They would have told me.”
“I don’t think she’d mistake ‘cold’ for ‘ovarian cancer.’ And do you think she’d make something like that up?”
He considered a moment. “No, no, she wouldn’t. But why didn’t they say anything?”
“I guess they didn’t tell anyone so they could find out more. Don’t you see?” I leaned closer, hoping to drive home my plea. “They need you. You have to go home for them.”
For a moment, I thought I had him, and then he slowly shook his head. “They’ll be fine without me. And you said yourself they’re waiting to find out more. It might not be that bad.”
“Seth! It’s cancer. It’s going to be some level of bad, regardless. How can you abandon them?”
“Damn it,” he said, about as angry as I ever saw him—which always came off pretty mild. “I don’t need a moral angel on my shoulder right now. Just let me…just let me be selfish for once. I want to just be away from it all. I want to hide from my problems for once, instead of always being the responsible one. If you’re just here to torment me with what can or can’t be, then you should just…you should just go. Let me hide out and be free. Let me write the new series and forget about everything else.”
It was almost a mirror of what I’d done so long ago. Only, instead of trying to forget my problems, I made everyone forget me. Sometimes, I kind of wished I added that last part to the bargain. Consequently, I could understand where he was coming from. I could understand that longing to just make all the bad things disappear. I’d wanted it too. I’d made it happen. The thing was, I’d expected more from him than from me. Sensing my hesitation, he cupped my face between his hands and drew me down into a small kiss. I drew back and stared in astonishment.
“What was that?” I asked.
“I might ultimately be trying to avoid you, but if I’ve got you now, I might as well enjoy it for the moment.” There was a wicked gleam in his eyes, one I couldn’t help but smile at, despite all the misgivings within me.
“You’re a hypocrite,” I said.
“An opportunist,” he countered. “What are you really doing here, Georgina? What do you want?”
I lowered my gaze. I didn’t know. I didn’t know why I was here. I’d come to make sure he was okay…but then what? I was always going back and forth. I loved him. I had to forget him. Back and forth.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “That’s the best I’ve got.”
And with no more deliberation, I kissed him again, longer this time, surprised at how easy it was to fall back into the kinds of kisses we used to do—the ones that just pushed the envelope of when I started to take his energy. He seemed like he was ready to go further, so I was the one who stopped him and returned to lying against him as we watched the sun sink down and paint the sky with brilliant colors. He gave no protest, seeming content just to have me close.
We ate dinner inside one of the resort’s restaurants, my lack of packing not being a problem with shape-shifting. I pulled out a sexy v-cut evening dress whose violet shade reminded me of our first meeting. And as we talked and drank over dinner, our conversation slipped into the funny, comfortable manner we’d always shared. With Maddie removed from the equation, it was exactly as he’d said: so much had changed yet not changed. The rapport, the connection…it all burned between us—as did the sexual tension while we studied each other intently through the effortless conversation. He came alive more than I’d seen him in a while, but whether that was from the drinks or his freedom, I couldn’t say.
Though my heart sang at finally being with him again, I was still battered with a million doubts. He’d told me to push them aside, but it was hard. Maddie. His underlying pessimism. His desire for escape. His family. My own selfishness.
But when we finished dinner, all such worries fled. As soon as we were back in his room—a wide and spacious suite that looked out to the now-dark water—we were all over each other. The longing that had built up between us exploded. His hands undid the zipper of my dress, peeling it from my body. We fell onto the bed, and I tore at his shorts, reason and responsibility nonexistent. His hands ran the length of my body, down the sides of my hips while his mouth moved from my collarbone to the spot between my breasts and then finally onto one of the breasts and its hardened nipple.