"I also take pride in his loyalty. I derive no spiritual delight from his companionship, but he's living proof of the existence ofthat past. I desire to establish the reality ofthat era as eagerly as I desire life itself. I wonder what Ai'da's doing now. Where is she in this wide world? How was my heart ever able to recover from the sickness of loving her? All those events are marvels of their kind."
"I'm impressed, Mr. Isma'il. You deserve every success."
Isma'il glanced at his surroundings, inspecting the ceiling, lanterns, alcoves, and the dreamy faces of the patrons, who were absorbed in their conversations and games. Then he asked, "What do you like about this place?"
Kamal did not answer but remarked sadly, "Have you heard? It will soon be demolished so a new structure can be built on its ruins. This historic spot will vanish forever."
"Good riddance! Let these catacombs disappear so a new civilization can rise above them."
"Is be right?" Kamal wondered. "Perhaps… but the heart feels strongly about certain things. My dear coffeehouse, you're part of me. I have dreamt a lot and thought a lot inside you. Yasin came to you foi years. Fahmy met his revolutionary comradeshere to plan for a better world. I also love you, because you're made from the same stuff as dreams. But what's the use of all this? What value does nostalgia have? Perhaps the past is the opiate of the Romantic. It's a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind. Since I don't believe in anything, it doesn't matter what I say."
"You're right. I advocate demolition of the pyramids if some future use is discovered for the stones."
"The pyramids! What's the relationship of the pyramids to Ahmad Abduh's coffeehouse?"
"I'm referring to all historic relics. I mean let's destroy all of them for the sake of today and tomorrow."
Isma'il Latif laughed. He craned his neck, as he had in the past when challenged, and replied, "You've occasionally supported the opposite point of view. As you know, I read al-Fikr magazine from time to time, for your sake. I told you frankly once before what I think of it. Yes, your essays are difficult, and the whole journal is dry, may God grant us refuge. I had to stop buying it, because my wife found nothing in it she wanted to read. Forgive me, but that's what she asserted. I say I've occasionally seen you write the opposite of what you're proposing now. But I won't claim to understand much of what you write. Don't tell anyone, but I don't understand even a little of it. Speaking of this, wouldn't it be better for you to write like popular authors? If you do, you'll find a large audience and make a lot of money."
In the past Kamal had rebelliously and stubbornly scorned such advice. Now he despised it but did not rebel against it. Yet he wondered whether he should be so disdainful, not because he thought the disdain misplaced, but because he worried at times about the value of what he wrote. He was even uneasy about this worry. He was quick to confess to himself that he was fed up with everything and that the world, having lost its meaning, seemed at times to resemble an obsolete expression.
"You never did approve of my way of thinking."
Isma'il guffawed and said, "Do you remember? What days those were!"
Those days had passed. Their fires burned no longer. But they were treasured away like the corpse of a loved one or like the box of wedding candieshe had hidden in a special place the night of Aida's marriage.
"Don't you hear from Husayn Shaddad or Hasan Salim?"
Isma'il raised his thick eyebrows and replied, "That reminds me! Things have happened during the year I've been away from Cairo…". With increasing concern he continued: "I learned on my return from Tanta that the Shaddad family has ended."
Oppressive, rebellious interest erupted in Kamal'sheart, and he suffered terribly as he struggled to conceal it. He asked, "What do you mean?"
"My mother told me that Shaddad Bey went bankrupt when the stock market swallowed up his last millieme. Destroyed, he could not stand the blow and killed himself "
"What awful news! When did this happen?"
"Some months ago. The mansion was lost along with all his other possessions that mansion where we spent unforgettable times in the garden…."
What times, what a mansion, what a garden, what memories, what forgotten pain, and painful forgetfulness…. The elegant family, the great man, the mighty dream…. Was not his agitation more pronounced than the situation warranted? Was his heart not pounding more violently than these once forgotten memories deserve d?
Kamal said sorrowfully, "The bey has killed himself. The mansion ha5 been lost. What's become of the family?"
Isma'il replied angrily, "Our friend's mother has only fifteen pounds a month from a mortmain trust and has moved into an unpretentious flat in al-Abbasiya. My mother, who went to visit them, wept upon her return when describing the woman's condition … that lady who once lived in unimaginable luxury. Don't you remember?"
Of course he remembered. Did Isma'il think he had forgotten? He remembered the garden, the gazebo, and the felicity of which the breezes there sang. He remembered happiness and sorrow. Indeed he felt truly sorrowful just then. Tears were ready to well up in his eyes. It would not do for him to mourn the threatened destruction of Ahmad Abduh's coffeehouse anymore, for everything was destined to be turned head over heels.
"That's really sad, and it makes me feel even worse that we didn't do our duty and present our condolences. Don't you imagine Husayn returned from France?"
"No doubt he came back after the incident, as well as Hasan Salim and A'ida. But none of them is in Egypt now."
"How could Husayn go off again, leaving his family in this condition? What'she got to live on, now that his father's money is gone?"
"I heard he married over there. It's not unlikely that he's found work during his long stay in France. I don't know anything about that. I haven't seen him since we both said goodbye to him. How rauch time has elapsed since then? Approximately ten years… isn't that so? That's ancient history, but this upset me a lot."
"A lot… a lot," the words echoed inside Kamal. His tears were still trying to escape. He had not cried since that era and had forgotten how to. As his heart dissolved in sorrow, he recalled a time when it had chosen sorrow for its emblem. The news shook him so violently that the present dispersed entirely to reveal the person whose life had been pure love and pure sorrow. Was this the end of the old dream?
"Bankruptcy and suicide!" It almost seemed predestined that this family would teach him that even gods fall. "Bankruptcy and suicide… if A'ida was still living luxuriously because of her husband's position, what had become of her lofty pride? Had the events reduced her little sister to …?"
"Husayn had a young sister. What was her name? I remember occasionally, but it escapes me most of the time."
"Budur. She lives with her mother and shares all the difficulties of the new life."
"Imagine A'ida living in reduced circumstances… a life like those of the men sitting here," Kamal thought. "Does Budur have to wear darned stockings? Does she ride the streetcar? Will she marry an employee of some firm?" But how did any of this concern him?
"Oh… don't deceive yourself. Today you're sad. Whatever intellectual posture you adopt concerning the class system, you feel a frightening despair over this family's fall. It's painful to hear that your idols are wallowing in the dirt. At any rate, the fact that nothing remains of your love is gratifying. Yes, what's left of that bygone love?"
Although he thought that no trace remained, his heart pounded with strange affection when he heard any of the songs ofthat age, no matter how trite the lyrics or the tunes. What did this mean?
"But not so fast. A memory of love, not love itself, was at work. We're in love with love, regardless of our circumstances, and love it most when we are deprived of it. At the moment, I feel adrift in a sea of passion. A latent illness may release its poison when we're temporarily indisposed. What can we do about it? Even doubt, which puts all truths into question, stops cautiously before love, not because love is beyond doubt, but out of respect for my sorrow and from a desire that the past should be true."