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Earth bears me Sand slows me Mud traps me
Euphoria dissuades me Innuendo disquiets me Neutrality convinces me
Sermons annoy me Examples persuade me Action vindicates me
Cleaning bores me Tidying calms me Discarding delivers me
The new attracts me The old anchors me Change animates me
Work fulfills me Hobbies instruct me Holidays sedate me
To know makes me grow Not to know harms me To forget frees me
Losing is bothersome to me Winning is a matter of indifference to me To play is disappointing to me
To deny tempts me To affirm excites me To suggest is enough for me
Seducing seduces me Loving transforms me Separating pains me
Clothing announces me Disguises hide me Uniforms efface me
Speaking commits me Listening teaches me Silence tempers me
Birth befalls me Life occupies me Death completes me
To climb is difficult for me To descend is easy for me To be stationary is useless to me
Homage obliges me Oration touches me Eulogy buries me
The flash blinds me The beam dazzles me The reflection intrigues me
Speaking identifies me Shouting frees me Whispering imposes on me
Humming rocks me Intoning suspends me Singing unfolds me
The beginning enthuses me The middle sustains me The end disappoints me
Goodness impresses me Stupidity amuses me Malice disgusts me
November upsets me April refreshes me September soothes me
Envy indisposes me Jealousy moves me to pity Hatred distances me
Yesterday wearies me Sleep immobilizes me Awakening attacks me
The millennium enfolds me The century situates me The decade decorates me
The hour rules me The minute hurries me Seconds escape me
Threats fool me Anguish moves me Fear excites me
Surprise displeases me Improvisation harms me Announcements buttress me
Traps seduce me Liars fool me Informers horrify me
The baroque sickens me The gothic chills me Novels enlighten me
Red irritates me Black moves me White calms me
The solo attracts me The quartet sustains me The symphony distances me
Rules serve me Constraints stimulate me Obligation extinguishes me
Dialogue binds me Monologue imposes upon me Soliloquy isolates me
The air penetrates me The ground resists me The underground smothers me
Rhythm leads me Melody charms me Harmony troubles me
Aquariums sadden me Aviaries oppress me Cages revolt me
Rain doubles me up Snow enchants me Hail stops me
My finger draws My hand catches My arm enlaces
My brain conceives My eye guides My body makes
The first time tempts me Its sequel accustoms me The last depresses me
Tiredness calms me Lassitude discourages me Exhaustion stops me
Constructing obsesses me Conserving calms me Destroying relieves me
Arriving changes me Staying costs me Leaving animates me
The group oppresses me Solitude holds me Madness stalks me
To please pleases me To displease displeases me To be indifferent is indifferent to me
Age overtakes me Youth abandons me Memory remains with me
Happiness precedes me Sadness follows me Death awaits me

AFTERWORD

Edouard Levé committed suicide on October 15, 2007. Ten days earlier he had given a manuscript to his editor; it was a novel entitled Suicide, the same you hold in your hands.

Suicide’s reception in France has been deeply influenced by the circumstances of the author’s death. Although it is a fictional work, written in the second person about a friend of the narrator’s who had committed suicide twenty years earlier, its title and subject matter ensure that, despite reports that Levé did leave a suicide note, the present text is taken as a sort of literary explanation of his decision to die. Levé’s readers are left to ask, along with the narrator of Suicide:

Did you know why you wanted to die? If you did, why not write it down? Out of fatigue from living and disdain for leaving traces that would survive you? Or because the reasons that were pushing you to disappear seemed empty? Maybe you wanted to preserve the mystery of your death, thinking that nothing should be explained. Are there good reasons for committing suicide? Those who survived you asked themselves these questions; they will not find answers.

Suicide demands interpretation. No one who reads this novel and knows of Levé’s suicide (and its timing guarantees that nearly every reader does know of it) can avoid projecting Levé’s questions back onto his own choice of death.

To what extent can we conflate Levé’s characters and their motivations with the author and his? The “you” of the novel shares at least two factual details with Levé’s life: each were born in winter, and each ended his life by his own hand. But we can find Levé in the artistic method and philosophy of Suicide’s “I” as much as we can in the taste for sparseness and stoicism of Suicide’s “you.” The narrator claims that

[t]o portray your life in order would be absurd: I remember you at random. My brain resurrects you through stochastic details, like picking marbles out of a bag.