By the second hour, the fourth orgasm, I was done. I didn’t want to orgasm anymore. Of course that wasn’t my decision. Every thirty minutes Paxton came in, asked me the same question, and made me get off. I was a trooper for as long as I could take it. Four a.m.
I was exhausted, I didn’t want to come again, and I didn’t think I had another one in me. Paxton entered my room, ask what had me so upset, and parted me with two fingers. I squirmed, trying to get away that time.
“Stop, I can’t, Paxton.”
Paxton used his fingers, and slid in and out of me, him taking the lead with the smirk. “We can stop. Tell me who said what.”
“There’s nothing to tell. I heard them talking. I don’t know what they said. I just know they were talking about me. Maybe it wasn’t about me. Maybe it was just me being insecure,” I said while spewing out words in a pleading tone. I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t take it.
“Have it your way.”
I tried my best to keep it together and not come again. I couldn’t control it. It took longer and longer each time, but nonetheless, I came. Again and again. I didn’t want to, but I did. I begged and pleaded every time like I was praying for my life. I was. At least it felt like it, anyway. I pleaded in agony every time.
Eight a.m. That’s when Paxton finally emptied his load in my mouth and left me alone, but not to sleep.
“It’s time to get up. Go start breakfast. The girls will be up soon. You might want to reconsider your decision to keep things from me in the future. I’m going for a jog, I’m going to stop and talk to Tricia, and then I’m going to bed.”
I didn’t speak a word. I couldn’t. My body was completely shut down. Not one muscle moved while my arms and legs were freed. As much as I wanted to rub my wrists, I didn’t. I couldn’t. My body melted to the mattress. I was drained.
“Go take a shower. You smell like pussy.”
Again, I didn’t speak. Only to myself. What the hell do you expect, dickwad?
Paxton left me with that. I showered and started my excruciating long day. I cooked, I cleaned, I played with the girls, and Paxton was an ass.
After lunch by the pool, he curled up with both girls on the comfortable cabana bed. I cleaned up the mess and listened to his conversation with Ophelia. Her birthday was two weeks away, and she wanted a party like Chance had. Chance had a princess party with a real princess.
“And Chance is going to come, and maybe Collin, but he’s mean sometimes,” she explained while she twisted hair around and around her finger. I almost told her to stop it when I thought about me being the one to listen to her scream as I combed it out. I didn’t say anything, only because I didn’t want to talk to Paxton. I carried the remnants of lunch inside and stayed there. Far away from Paxton.
He thought this whole keep my house sparkling thing game bothered me. It didn’t at all. Doing the mundane tasks that didn’t need done occupied my mind. I did a lot of thinking. Uncompartmentalize the things I’d learned along this fucked up journey.
I hummed watch me nae, nae with the radio while I shined every visible piece of silver in the kitchen. Ophelia’s birthday party had my attention while I rubbed the handle on the stove to a glimmering chrome. There was no way in hell I would agree to a party with the stepford wives.
“You’re not being very cheerful around the girls today. What’s up?” Paxton asked while sliding his arms around my waist.
“Sorry, I’ll try to do better.”
Soft lips caressed my skin and his grip tightened around me. “A few weeks ago I would have believed that. You don’t hide sarcasm well, anymore.”
“I wasn’t trying to. Are the girls asleep?”
“Ophelia is. Rowan’s putting clothes on a Barbie. I don’t like to be ignored. I suggest you stop.” My eyes closed when his fingers tickled my stomach with a soft touch. A light suction from his lips tugged on my neck and I dropped my head to his chest.
“I hate you. I hate that you can be so cruel and do this to me. I hate you.” Again the filter ceased working. I didn’t want be weak in front of him. I didn’t want him to see the things he caused deep in my soul. Glitter.
Paxton tensed behind me and his lips halted on my skin. I didn’t wait for direction, I turned. Our eyes locked and emotions seared between us. Paxton was weak too.
“I don’t know what happened between us, Gabriella. I can’t do this with you.”
My words matched his. Quiet with a rasp. “Do what, Paxton? Love me? You can’t love me?”
“I don’t want to love you, Gabriella. I want to take care of you financially, I want to give you everything you ever wanted, and I want you to be a good mother to my kids.”
“You want to control me.”
His hands held mine, one on each side of my head. Our eyes stayed locked and our lips close. “It’s a tradeoff. One that worked just fine before you decided to do this. Why can’t you go back to being you? Being us?”
“Is that what you want?”
“No.”
My heart did back flips. It may not have been much, but it was something. It was his way of telling me he did feel. He felt me. My lips parted and his tongue darted in. His hands slid down my sides and rested on my ribs. Mine went around his neck and my body molded with us. There was no way in hell that Paxton could deny this. This searing pull between us. My glitter danced in his heart. I knew it did.
Something changed that day. That moment. Another weird turn was taken. His touch was softer, his kisses sweeter, and his anger lifted. He still wanted the control and I gave it to him. Almost. We had a little disagreement later that evening by the beach.
Rowan and Ophelia was busy with letting the waves push them to the sand. Paxton sat in the sand and pulled my hand. Not beside him. Right between his legs. He never did that. I leaned into his chest and wrapped my arms around his legs.
“I have to know where you were, Gabriella. I’m never going to let it go. You don’t just leave like that. Not unless you were on a mission. Like a plan gone bad. Something’s not right. You never hid things from me. I knew your every move.” Paxton’s lips kissed the top of my head, but it wasn’t the sweet kind. Not that time.
His fingers spread when I laced mine with his. For a second I thought his fingers were going to stay like that and I’d be left hanging, but then he softened. His fingers folded around mine and he sighed a deep breath. A defeated, deep breath. “What if there wasn’t anything malicious about it. What if I gave someone a lift, or something? Something simple, because I’m a good person, and nothing else. Did you ever think about that?”
I sat up a little when Rowan choked on salt water. She was fine, but a fight was born.
“Rowan coughed on me. Tell her she has to cover her mouth.” Ophelia didn’t give me time tell her anything. She scoped up a mouthful of water and spit in right on her arm. One steady stream. Of course that sent Rowan into a frenzy.
I raised up, letting go of Paxton’s hand and shook my head. “Oh, my God. You go take care of that.”
“Do that whistle thing.”
“It stopped working after the third time. Go, before someone gets drowned.”
Paxton leap-frogged my head and growled like a bear. Crooked fingers for scary bear claws. That did it. Both girls screamed and took off running in different directions. Ophelia was caught first. Her little body bounced below Paxton’s arms while he ran after screaming, Rowan. I smiled after them, feeling. Hmm. Happy?
“Out with the family. How nice.”
My hand shielded the bright sun and I looked up. White sneakers, blue running shorts, and a plain white T-shirt.
“I texted you,” I blurted out. Maybe because I knew I didn’t have much time.
“Yeah, I know. Don’t do it again. You look better. How are you feeling,” Lane questioned, his tone changing with distance Paxton closed between us.