“I don’t know, Paxton.”
“Something happened.”
“I’m afraid so, but I swear I don’t know what. Tell me what you know.”
“I don’t know anything. I only speculate.”
“Can I come up?”
“Suit yourself.”
I didn’t wait for a formal invitation. If Paxton was even close to opening up, I would take it. Once I peeked in on both my sleeping angels I started up the stairs, stopping at the bottom. I needed a drink for this one.
A shot of rum, a half a shot of apricot brandy, a splash of lemon, pineapple juice, and Galliano thrown quickly into two glasses and I had a drink. A damn good drink. How did I know how to do that? I was rather good if I said so myself.
“Thought you changed your mind,” he said from the top step.
I replied back with a smile and one word. “Drinks.”
“You don’t drink.”
“Stop saying that. I don’t know how I lived with you for six years without drinking. I’m lucky I didn’t do more than that. Here, try it.”
I heard a heavy sigh when he took it and walked back to his room. I followed behind feeling like I always did when he did that. Beneath him. To my surprise he stopped and let me walk in front of him. Our eyes met when I stepped around him, smelling the scent of his cologne.
“Outside?” I questioned over my shoulder.
“Yes, I always sit out there before I go to bed.”
“Me too.”
Paxton snickered behind me. “Yes, I know. I watch you.”
I walked straight to the stone wall. I loved the view from Paxton’s room. Morning or night, it was beautiful. Paxton walked with me, but he faced the house.
His ankles crossed and he sipped his drink. “This is very good. What is it?”
“I have no idea, but I feel like it’s something. Like I craved it. The mixture of ingredients are too complex for something just thrown together.” I went out on a ledge and did something daring. Like I had on the beach. I took a long drink and moved between his legs. He uncrossed his ankles and let me move in close. I did. I leaned right into his crotch, keeping our torsos at distance and stared into his eyes.
“Tell me. What is it you think I did?”
“You already know.”
“Lane?”
“Yup.”
“But what happened? Why do you think that?”
Paxton took another drink and spit it out. “Did you know Candace hired a private detective a couple weeks before your accident?”
“No, Paxton. I don’t know any of this.” If he only knew how this felt. How having no recollection of a past with him messed with my mind. Maybe he would understand more.
“Yeah, she sent me a text message a couple days ago. She had something she wanted to show me.”
“What?”
“I don’t know. I told her I didn’t want to see it right now. That I had enough going on without adding to it.”
“And that’s it? She let it go?”
“Sort of. Other than she was rude to you. I knew what happened. She confronted you, didn’t she?”
“No, not at all. I overheard them talking. Was that the sudden change? She liked me before Saturday.”
That drink almost finished it off. Paxton wiped his mouth and set his glass on the banister behind him. His hands pulled my waist toward him more, and he stood. Warm lips met my shoulder when his hands slid down my robe.
“She put a hold on everything after your accident. The investigator wanted to be paid whether she wanted what he had or not. She just received the package a few days ago.”
My eyebrows went up with the heavy sigh. “Well, that explains why she canceled our lunch, and why she’s been avoiding me. I don’t know what to say, Paxton. Do you think she has proof?”
“I’m guessing so, but you know what?”
“What?”
“I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to know, and I don’t want you remember. It’s going to change things. I won’t want you, Gabriella.”
“This might stun you a little, but I’m okay with that. I’m sure these last few weeks have only been the tip of what I have endured from you. If you want to know, go look. But if I did do that, you think about one thing. Why did I do it?”
“I’ve thought about it every day since I saw you with him.”
The shock on my face matched the surprising words from my mouth. “You saw us together? Where?”
I tried to stand up straight but Paxton wouldn’t let me. He wrapped his arms tighter around me and kissed my shoulder again.
“Down by the rocks.”
“What did you see?”
“He had his arms around you and you had your face buried in his chest. I think you were crying.”
Well, that’s not what I thought would come out of his mouth. “Maybe it was something else then. Maybe we weren’t having an affair.”
“Women don’t let men hold them like that without feeling involved. You’ve never let me hold you like that. You’ve never cried on my shoulder the way you did Lane’s.”
I did pull away that time. “Are you for real. You hate me. You won’t let me get close to you.”
“I’ve never hated you. Dam it, Gabriella. We had an agreement. This was never supposed to be this. Whatever this is between us. I never wanted to hold you, and wipe away your tears. That’s not how it was supposed to be.”
I didn’t speak a word. All I did was stand there. Bewildered. Paxton sidestepped me and ran his fingers through his hair.
“It’s this fucking accident. You were with him for three fucking hours before you wrecked. Weren’t you Gabriella? Did you fuck him that day? Was that what had your attention in the middle of a goddamn hurricane?”
This was the part I hated most. No matter what I said, Paxton wouldn’t understand. Nobody could understand. I was being accused of things, horrible things that I didn’t remember. But, I didn’t know where the blame should be pointed. I felt bad, but I didn’t know what for. For coming between Candace and Lane? For cheating on Paxton? For losing my memory. I didn’t know what I was supposed to fill bad for, and there was no way to explain that to Paxton. He couldn’t understand it. I didn’t understand it. Not even a little.
Paxton ran both hands through his hair again, pulled with two fists, and groaned. His hands dropped to his waist and his words softened.
“I thought we were invincible. I thought we had a good thing going. Something nobody could touch. Something most men only dream about. I fucking had it, Gabriella, and you fucked it up.”
“You’re not talking about Lane anymore, are you?” I asked while taking one cautious step toward him.
“Not even a little.” His voice changed to a defeated tone and a heavy sigh. I took another step. “It’s this, Gabriella. You don’t come to me. I come to you.”
Another step and quiet words.
“I want to come to you, Pax. I don’t know what I did with Lane, but I know I don’t want to be in his arms. I want you.”
“But you didn’t before. Why now?”
“I don’t know. I know you’re tired of hearing that, but I don’t. I can’t answer that, and I’m not sure I ever will.”
Paxton’s lips crushed hard into mine. A fervent kiss full of emotion. My robe went to the concrete and my ass went to the cold wall. He slid into me with ease and I felt every inch. We kissed with deep emotion, passion rising like the tide. I barely noticed when he leaned me backward, pressing his lips to my chest. I trusted him. I may not have at one time, but right there in that moment, I did. I trusted him with my life. He wouldn’t let me fall.
I swore the night before after the fourth or fifth orgasm that I never wanted another one. I did. I wanted it more than anything, and I wanted to experience it with him.
There was something there. Something neither of us could deny. If Paxton didn’t feel what I felt when we touched, when we kissed, and when we made love, there was something seriously wrong with him. It was there. He had to feel it, too.