~~
My eyes opened to me on my computer. Not this me. The before me. Paxton was watching a muted video of him behind me. My heart hurt and I understood why. Why I looked like a robot when he touched me. I shut down. I shut all the way down. The only expression I showed was blank. Had I not seen Paxton pounding me from behind, I would have never known we were even going at it.
“Paxton?”
The screen instantly closed in front of me. I didn’t even care about that. I just didn’t want to remember anymore. I knew what was happening. I read about it. Some trauma patients remembered in steps. Their brain rested and gave them just enough each time. It wasn’t even like a memory, but it was. I knew it happened, and I knew that’s why I had nothing for Paxton then. I wanted it to stop. I didn’t want to remember anymore. My life was better off from this point forward. Post-accident.
“What?” he said, barely a whisper.
I swallowed the lump and spoke through the horsiness. “Will you put your arm around me?”
I moved a little and snuggled into his chest. Eyes wide open. I wasn’t about to go back to sleep. I wasn’t sure I’d ever sleep again. I had enough. I didn’t want to remember.
Chapter Twenty
Paxton never did admit it, but he loved my vacation plans. Four days at the water resort where he could relax. Perfect waterpark for two little girls. The first day was spent being tired from the flight, yet a lot of fun. Neither Rowan nor Ophelia asked about Disneyland. They were too busy sliding down the multiple slides.
I shielded my eyes from the sun and looked up to Paxton, holding a drink with a pink and white umbrella.
“Thanks, lover.”
“Shh, this is a family resort. Are you seriously making them wait four days?” he asked as one leg went to each side of the lounge chair.
“Look at them. I don’t think they’re going to mind. Relax and enjoy it,” I said while sipping the fruity drink. Awful. If it was someone’s attempt to make a fig-and-bourbon-fizz, they sucked. I didn’t even have a fig.
“What’s wrong?” Paxton asked, eyes darting toward his nose.
I shook off my drink analyzing, letting my vison return to him.
“Nothing. Isn’t this a nice place?”
“It’s perfect. They can play on everything here, and we can see them.”
“Why do you think I picked it?”
“So we’re not spending every day here running around in the heat?”
“Not unless you want to.”
“Hell no. One day in Disneyland is plenty for me.”
It was plenty for me, too. I had the best time of my life those few days. We met another family with the same idea, and spent a lot of time with them. They had boys, but Phi and Ophelia liked them just the same.
Jack and Dee. The Willards. Dee lusted over my husband the entire time, telling me how lucky I was. I felt lucky. I got drunk around Paxton for the first time our second night there. Bloviated drunk.
I woke naked in our adjacent room alone. I sort of remembered it, but not really. I knew I moved my crotch to Paxton’s mouth and rode his tongue, I knew I took one for the team, and I knew a came. A lot. I just didn’t remember the details.
It was fine though. The next night was reenacted per Paxton’s request. Tongue riding became my new hobby, and I let him give it to me up the ass. I may or may not have enjoyed it. Regardless, I was satisfied, multiple times.
We spent the entire day at Disneyland on Friday. It was fun, but hot. The girls got whiny until after lunch and then they were fine. An afternoon rain kept us inside, watching a Disney movie through a simulator. The girls loved that. They really thought they were there, and even Paxton ducked when monkey flew right at us.
I took the time in the dark to seduce my husband. His hand moved mine from the button on his shorts, but I didn’t back down. I handed him the shopping bag we’d just bought T-shirts in, and popped his button. “Let me jack you off,” I said close to his ear, whispering my intentions with sexy words. He covered my hand with the bag and scooted down in his chair.
At least two-hundred people huddled in the same area, and not one of them were aware of the sexual excitement going on around them. Not even our own children, giggling, totally engrossed in the life like show going on around us. At one point, I even dropped my brochure on the floor. Of course I had to get it. My head stayed still while I reached for it, and sucked clear to the back of my throat. That was only once. Paxton wouldn’t let me do it again, but he was turned on with the secrecy as much as I was. He came in my hand ten minutes before the movie was over. Thank God for baby wipes.
That was our entire week, fun during the day and erotic after dark. Sometimes. We did ask our new friends to watch our girls once while we used the bathroom for a quickie. We exchanged the favor for them to go out to a dinner alone for their anniversary. All and all I couldn’t have asked for a better vacation. Thank God Paxton didn’t decide to be a dick for ten days. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss a single second of our trip. I would leave California a happy girl.
Our last night was epic. Ophelia had princess birthday party with Cinderella and fireworks.
“You know Rowan’s going to want a vacation birthday, right?” Paxton asked with a kiss to my cheek. We stood back and watched our little girls interact with the fake people they looked up to. I leaned back to Paxton’s chest and laughed when Ophelia assured Cinderella that she would have to find another job when she got big because she was going to work there and there could only be one Cinderella.
Paxton wrapped his arms around me, pinning mine to my body, and kissed my neck. “Bossy little thing.”
“She’s yours. What do you expect?”
Paxton and I made the most amazing love that night. It wasn’t even meant to happen. I was on my way of getting drunk to ensure we left the water resort with a bang. It didn’t happen that way at all. Paxton left me and the girls alone in their room to read the new book Cinderella gave Ophelia for her birthday. Autographed and all. Both girls listened quietly while I read the story they’d heard a thousand times.
I’d just kissed their sleeping heads and covered them up when Paxton came to find me. Our bodies met at the door in crash. His hands stopped me with a hold to my arms. I don’t know what happened or why after that. I looked up to him with feeling hitting me hard. Glitter.
Paxton held my arms and my gaze. “I’ve never said this to you.”
I sounded like an idiot when I spoke. A voice I didn’t recognize. “Said what?”
“I love you.”
Glitter exploded in my chest, and I stopped breathing. Not only was I not expecting the words, I wasn’t expecting the reaction. Paxton loved me. Why was that such a shocker? I mean, I sensed it, I felt it, but I never imagined hearing it. Not from Paxton. Not ever.
I responded by pulling myself to his lips on the tips of my toes. I didn’t say it back. I kissed him. Paxton kissed me back and closed the door between our room and the girl’s room. I don’t know what made it so different. The way he looked at me as he thrusted himself in and out of me? The tender way his hands explored my body? The way my body became possessed by his body on mine? Or maybe it was the way exploded together. Whatever it was, it was out of this world, and something else changed between us. A little more was chipped away, and I got a little closer. I was irrevocably in love with Paxton Pierce. I was in love with my life.
Once again, I let my guard down and fell. I fell so hard, and I knew with all my heart and saw, if I fell, if he let me go, it would hurt. It would devastate me. A wound I wasn’t sure I could survive.
I went on that trip with the intentions of bringing up a separation. Frustrated with my nine day silent treatment. I left with it being the furthest thing from my mind. I didn’t want go back to Florida. I wanted to stay in Disneyland where life was a fairytale. My fairytale.