“Maybe your P-laser gave it an element it needed,” a crewman suggested, an Oriental gentleman named Chen, whom Jacob had met only at the start of the dive. “An alternative hypothesis would be that it was waiting for someone of reasonable status to speak to.”
Martine sniffed.
“That’s the theory we were working on on the last dive, and it didn’t work. Bubbacub faked contact, and for all of his talents Fagin failed… oh, you mean Peter…”
The silence could be cut with a knife.
“Jacob, I sure wish we could have found a projector,” Donaldson smiled wryly. “T’would have solved all our problems,”
Jacob grinned back, without humor. “Deux ex machina, Chief? You know better than to expect special favors from the universe.”
“We might as well resign ourselves,” Martine said. “We may never see another adult Ghost. Folks were skeptical about all of these stories about ‘anthropomorphic shapes’ back on Earth. It’s just the word of a couple dozen sophonts that have seen them, plus a few blurred photos. In time it may be all put down to hysteria, despite my tests.” She looked down gloomily.
Jacob was aware of Helene deSilva standing next to him. She had been strangely silent since calling them together a few minutes before.
“Well at least this time Sundiver itself isn’t threatened,” Jacob said. “The solonomical research can go on, and so can studies of the toroid herds. The Solarian said that they won’t interfere.”
“Yeah,” Donaldson added. “But will he?” he gestured at LaRoque.
“We have to decide what to do next. We’re drifting near the bottom of the herd now. Do we go up and keep poking around? Maybe Solarians vary among themselves as much as we humans do. Maybe the one we met was a grouch.” Jacob suggested.
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Martine commented.
“Let’s put the Parametric Laser on automatic and add a portion in coded English to the communication tape. It’ll beam into the herd, as we spiral leisurely upward, on the off chance that friendlier adult Solarian might be attracted.”
“If one is, I sure hope it doesn’t scare me out of my codpiece like that last one did,” Donaldson muttered.
Helene deSilva rubbed her shoulders as if fighting a chill. “Has anyone else got anything to say ‘en camera’? Then I’m going to settle the humans-only part of this discussion by ruling out any precipitate action concerning Mr. LaRoque. Just everybody keep your eyes on him, just in case.
“This meeting is in recess. Think about ideas on what to do next. Someone please ask Fagin and Culla to join us at the refreshment center in twenty minutes. That’s all.”
Jacob felt a hand on his arm. Helene stood next to him.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“Fine… fine.” She smiled without much conviction. “I’d just… Jacob, would you come to my office with me, please?”
“Sure, after you.”
Helene shook her head. Her fingers dug info his arm and she pulled him along in a fast walk toward the closet-sized cubbyhole in the side of the dome that. Served as a captain’s office. When they were inside she cleared a space on the tiny desk and motioned for him to sit. Then she closed the door and sagged back against it.
“Oh, God,” she sighed.
“Helene…” Jacob started forward, then stopped. Her eyes blazed blue up at him.
“Jacob,” she was making a concentrated effort to be calm. “Can you promise me you’ll do me a favor for a few minutes and not talk about it afterwards? I can’t tell you what it is until you agree.” Her eyes appealed silently.
Jacob didn’t have to think. “Of course, Helene. You can ask anything. But tell me what’s the…”
“Then please, just hold me.” Her voice trailed off in a cry. She came up against his chest with her arms tacked in in front of her… la mute surprise, Jacob put his arms around her and held on tightly.
Slowly he rocked her back and forth as a series of powerful tremors ran through! her body. “Sshhh… It’s all right…” He spoke reassuring nonsense words. Her hair brushed his cheek and her smell seemed to fill the tiny room. It was heady.
For a time they stood-together silently. She moved her head slowly on his shoulder.
The tremors subsided. Gradually her body relaxed. He stroked the taut muscles of her back with one hand and they loosened one by one.
Jacob wondered who was doing whom the favor. He hadn’t felt this peaceful, this calm, for Ifni knew how long. It moved him that she trusted him so.
More, it made him happy. There was a bitter little voice below that was gnashing its teeth at this moment, but he wasn’t listening. Doing what he was doing now felt more natural than breathing.
After a few more moments, Helene lifted her head. When she spoke her voice was thick.
“I’ve never been so scared in all my life,” she said. “I want you to understand that I didn’t have to do this. I could have been Iron Lady for the rest of the dive… but you were here, available… I had to. I’m sorry.”
Jacob noticed that Helene made no effort to back away. He kept his arms around her.
“No problem,” he spoke softly. “Sometime later I’ll tell you how nice it was. Don’t worry about being scared. I just about went out of my skin when I saw those letters. Curiosity and numbness are my defense mechanisms. You saw how the others were reacting. You just had more responsibility is all.”
Helene didn’t say anything. She brought her hands up and put them on his shoulders, without creating a space between them.
“Anyway,” Jacob went on, brushing free locks of her hair into place. “You must have been more startled lots of times during your Jumps.”
Helene stiffened and pushed back from his chest.
“Mr. Demwa, you are intolerable! You and your constantly mentioning my Jumps! Do you think I’ve ever been as scared as that?! Just how old do you think I am?”
Jacob smiled. She hadn’t pushed back hard enough to shake off his arms. Obviously she wasn’t ready for him to let go.
“Well, relativity-wise…” he began.
“Fuck relativity! I’m twenty-five! I may have seen more sky than you have but I’ve experienced a hell of lot less of the real universe than you… and my competence rating says nothing about how I feel inside! It’s scary having to be perfect and strong and responsible for people’s lives… for me at least, it is, unlike you, you impervious, imperturbable, once-upon-a-time hero-oaf, standing there calm as you please, just like Captain Beloc on Calypso when we ran that crazy fake blockade at J8’lek and… and now I’m going to go highly illegal and order you to kiss me, since you don’t seem about to do it on your own!”
She looked at him defiantly. When Jacob laughed and pulled her toward him, she resisted momentarily. Then her arms slid around his neck and her lips pressed up against his.
Jacob distantly felt her tremble again. But this time it was different. It was hard to tell how it was different, since he was busy at the moment. Enchantingly so.
Suddenly, agonizingly, he realized how long it had been since… two very long years. He pushed the thought aside. Tania was dead, and Helene was beautifully, wonderfully alive. He held her tighter and answered her passion in the only way possible.
“Excellent therapy, Doctor,” she teased as he tried to comb the knots out of his hair. “I feel like a million bucks, though I’ll admit you look like you’ve been through a wringer.”