The lights came on, and the bong bongs sounded. Lockdown was over. No guards had bothered us through the night to scan in, so I assumed it must have been Alliance guards on this level. I remembered the guard had said he would drop my hat off if he found it. I got up, checked the door, and was happy to see it there.
Jack came into the living room just as I was shutting the door.
“Morning,” he said uncomfortably.
“Good morning.” I wasn’t sure what to say to him.
“You didn’t come back to bed. You must be tired.” He looked sheepish.
“I thought we could both use a little space.”
“Look, I know things are difficult between you and Reyes right now and I promised you that I wouldn’t get in your way. I just want you to know what happened last night will stay between us. He won’t find out.”
He was obviously uncomfortable with all of this. I regretted kissing him. Things were going to get awkward between us.
“Don’t worry about it. Reyes and I aren’t together anymore.”
His head snapped up, and he looked stunned. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t think it was relevant.”
“You didn’t think it was relevant?” He put both hands up to his face and covered his eyes for a moment. I wondered what he was so upset about.
“We’ve been busy with the Alliance… and Madi… and Crystal… My breakup with Reyes seemed so small compared to everything else.”
Jack dropped his hands away from his face and looked at me. He wore a pained expression. “I understand—life is complicated. It’s just… well, both of us are under a lot of pressure and stress right now… and we’re living together… and… I’m interested in what’s going on in your life.”
I knew he was trying to tell me something, yet he had said nothing. I wasn’t sure how to respond. “I didn’t think you would be interested considering everything else that was going on in our lives.”
“Wouldn’t you be interested if I had a girlfriend?”
His question caught me off guard. The mere thought made me feel threatened, and I couldn’t help but be surprised by this knowledge. I was attracted to Jack, which I had always admitted to myself, but when did I develop feelings for him?
“Yes,” I said.
He gave me a satisfied smile.
“I’m sorry. I should have been more honest with you. And I really don’t want things to get awkward between us.” I didn’t know what I would do without him.
Jack closed the distance between us in two strides. He brought his hand up to brush a lock of my hair away from my face.
“It won’t be awkward as long as we’re honest with each other.”
I thought he was going to kiss me, and I held his gaze. I wasn’t going to run away this time. But he just searched my eyes, looking for something in them. I couldn’t stand the distance between our mouths. With a will of their own, my arms came up around his neck and pulled his head toward mine. I had spent most of the night trying to forget the feel of him, and then it was all I could think about. So much had gone wrong in my life, and yet standing there within the circle of his embrace was the only thing that was right. As my lips met his, I breathed in his scent and tasted his mouth and welcomed the warmth and aching that spread through me like fire. I wanted Jack more than I had ever wanted anyone in my life.
“Sunny,” he breathed, barely pulling his mouth away from mine.
“Ssshhh.” There was no need for words right now. I didn’t want reminders of anything. I just wanted him.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
He wrapped his arms tighter around my waist and picked me up off the floor. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waist. I wanted to be connected to him with every fibre of my being. I wanted to touch and be touched. I was vaguely aware that he was walking back to the bedroom, so I wasn’t surprised when he sat down on the bed, bringing my clinging body with him. As he lay back on the bed, my hair fell down around our faces. He let his fingers run up the length of my back, and I shivered in response to his electric touch. I felt his hands tangle in my hair, pulling my face closer to his.
My desire for him increased to a pitch I never thought possible. With feverish urgency, I sat up and started fumbling with the button on his jeans. I tried not to get frustrated when it wouldn’t give way under my hands. It was taking forever, and I didn’t want to spoil the mood. Jack gave me a curious look, and I looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes.
“Sunny?”
I could feel heat creep into my cheeks and hoped that my blush wasn’t obvious. He probably thought I was an inexperienced little girl, which was exactly what I was. I just didn’t want him to know it. But it was so obvious… how could I avoid being found out?
“I’m sorry. I’ve never done this before.”
“What?” Jack looked confused.
“I’ve never… you know.”
It must have been obvious, so why was he making me say it? I put more effort into my task, hoping to free the button of his jeans before time robbed me of all spontaneity. But his hand stopped mine.
“You’ve never made love before?” he asked gently.
“No.”
He raised himself up from the bed with me still straddling his lap. He was looking at me differently now. The want and lust I saw a few seconds ago had been replaced with something else. In my heart of hearts, I knew he was going to tell me I was nothing but a child and I didn’t know the first thing about pleasing a man.
“We can’t do this,” he said, staring directly into my eyes.
A lump began to form in my throat, and I fought it back. I had cried over so many things in my life, and I refused to let this be another one. I disengaged myself from his touch and stood up. He gave me a confused look.
“That’s fine.” My embarrassment was overwhelming.
“What the hell!” Before I could leave the room, he grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. “You’re on, and then just like that you’re off?”
“You just made it clear that you don’t want me.” I hoped I kept any emotion out of my voice.
“Don’t want you? You’re all I’ve ever thought about since before I even married you! You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep every night. You’re the most amazing, brave, beautiful woman I have ever met, and I’ve been going out of my mind wanting you.” Jack’s voice was raw with emotion. He reached a hand toward me, and I took it. I could see the honesty in his face. I knew he was struggling just as much as I was. I took a step toward him, and he held out his other hand to me. I laced my fingers with his. “But despite how much I want you, I won’t let your first time be in a heated rush before we have to get to work. You deserve so much better than that.”
I almost laughed. Was that all he was worried about? We could both be caught and executed today and the only thing I would regret was that I never knew him in the way I wanted to know him right now. I stepped closer and kissed him again.
“I want you too, Jack,” I said against his mouth.
He breathed deeply, pulling me closer against him. “You can show me how much tonight, when we have hours to spend wrapped up in each other, okay?” His eyes darkened with the desire I knew he felt. My heart skipped a beat and my longing for him quickened.
“I spent a lot of time last night talking myself out of making love to you. Now that you’ve talked me back into it, it doesn’t seem fair that you’re not following through.”
“Consider it payback for last night.” He smiled, and kissed me again. “Come on. Let’s go to breakfast before it’s over.”