“This afternoon! I just can’t wait.”
“I’m afraid you’re gonna have to.” Chew. Snap.
“I said this is an emergency!”
“I win again,” the squeaky voice chimed. Sue Ellen stretched out her neck to see a tiny man behind the desk with a small piece of paper and pencil in his hand.
“Fuck me!” Rosalie screamed. “You cheat.”
“Do not.”
“Cheater! I hate you.”
“Poor sport.”
Sue Ellen said, “Excuse me, but this is an emergency.”
Rosalie turned to Sue Ellen and said, “This is why you never play tic tac toe with a midget. They always cheat!”
“I do not cheat,” the little man said. “And I prefer little man.”
“Shut up you cheatin’ midget.”
“Little man! You hear me? Little man. Little man. Little man.”
“Well beat it you cheatin’ little man. Go clean up the examination rooms.”
“Fine!” He ran towards the door and Rosalie fung her gum at him.
“Excuse me Miz Biddle. He is useless.” She stuck a fresh piece in her mouth. “We’d free him but Dr. Kurtsworth is petrifed of lawyers. Anyway, you were saying.”
“Yes. I said it was an emergency.”
“If it’s a genuine emergency, then we can call an ambulance.” She blew a quick bubble as she looked down at her appointment book. POP! “Otherwise, I have an afternoon cancellation at four o’clock. Why don’t you come back then.”
Sue Ellen breathed heavily as she bit her lip. Then said, “I really need to see Dr. Kurtsworth.”
“Miz Biddle, Dr. Kurtsworth is at the hospital delivering a baby right now. He’ll be back around three. If you really need to see him, come back at three and I’ll try to get you in.”
Sue Ellen shook her head, wondering why Rosalie didn’t just say that in the first place. “I can’t make it at three. I have to pick up my kids from school.”
“Then how about four. I have a cancellation at…”
“I know. Okay. I’ll be back at four. Thank you.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Sue Ellen saw Rosalie nodding while shoving another stick of spearmint gum into her mouth and flicking the green wrapper aside. Sue Ellen grabbed Elie-Dre by the arm and pulled him out the door.
Sue Ellen pulled up to Heinz and Elie-Jay walked over.
Before he could get in, Kimi-Sue jumped out.
“Get in the car, Kimi-Sue!” Sue Ellen rolled down her window and shouted. “Let’s go!”
“Just a minute, Momma. I see Maribel.”
“You can talk to Maribel later. We gotta go!”
Behind Sue Ellen’s car sat a line of oversized SUVs and station wagons, filled with mothers waiting to pick up their children. Some honked their horns.
“I’ll be right there!” Kimi-Sue shouted.
“No! Come now!”
The girls continued talking and giggling as if Sue Ellen wasn’t there. She turned and looked in the backseat. Elie-Jay began reading Dr. Suess and Elie-Dre was hollering at Sponge Bob. Then she looked at the clock. It read: 3:06.
“Kimi-Sue. It is time to go. Mommy has an appointment!”
Sue Ellen pulled the car over to the side; there was no shoulder so she softly thumped up onto the curb, then put the car in park.
“I’ll be right back boys.”
Sue Ellen stepped out of the car and the parade of SUV-driving soccer moms began loading and driving off, swerving around her car and shooting dirty glares her way.
“Kimi-Sue! Get back this instant!”
Kimi-Sue and Maribel ran in the road. Phyllis hobbled over and shouted, “Stop!” The parade of SUVs all stopped. Horns honked and arms failed.
Sue Ellen ran towards them.
“You girls be careful!” Phyllis shouted.
Kimi-Sue grabbed the stop sign.
“Hey! Give that back to me.”
“Give that back this instant,” Sue Ellen said, still running over to try and catch them. But the kids ran faster.
Kimi-Sue tossed the sign to Maribel. Sue Ellen tripped and scraped her knees on the asphalt.
“Shit!” Her knees began to bleed.
“Give me that back!” Phyllis was huffing for air as she hopped after them.
Phyllis leaped at Maribel, and Maribel tossed the sign to Kimi-Sue. Then Phyllis grunted, and pogo-sticked back the other way.
The horns continued to honk as the game of monkey-in-the-middle continued. The line of SUVs stood still.
Sue Ellen got up and rubbed pebbles from her knees. “Enough! Give the sign back.”
“Yes, Momma,” Kimi-Sue said. She reached out and handed the sign to Phyllis. As Phyllis went to grab it, Maribel bent over on all fours and stood behind Phyllis. Kimi-Sue gave Phyllis a little push, and she stumbled over Maribel’s back, plunging to the ground, cursing.
Sue Ellen grabbed Kimi-Sue and yanked her. “Get in the car. Now!” She bent over and helped Phyllis up. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. Yeah. You need to teach those brats manners!”
“I know. I’m really sorry.”
Sue Ellen walked towards her car. Martha, the meter maid was standing in front of her car, writing her a ticket. She held the ticket book in her one good arm and wrote with her teeth.
“Goddammit!” She opened the car door and thrust Kimi-Sue inside. “Get in.” She turned to Martha, who was ripping off the ticket with her teeth. “I’m sorry. Can you give me a break?”
“Sorry. Once the ticket’s been ripped, you gotta pay.” Her voice was slightly muffed as she spoke with her mouth full. She put the ticket book in her mouth while pulling the ticket out of her teeth, and used her hand to tuck the ticket under the windshield.
Sue Ellen grabbed the ticket from between her windshield wiper as she looked at her clock.
It read: 3:17. She was going to have to hurry across town through midday traffic.
THREE
YAWWWWWWN.
That was a pretty good nap. What the hell is that noise? Man, let me rub the chunky gunk from my eyes and pick some goop outta my ears.
Would someone tell me what the fuck is going on here?
It’s the girl. She is making some kind of fuss. What’s that? Oh, she doesn’t want to come along with Mommy to the doctor’s office. Poor, poor wuddle baby. Life is just so hard.
“I don’t wanna go!”
Man! What a freakin’ drama queen my big sister is… well half sister, or something like that. Anyway, I hear her carrying on and on. I feel the car start moving. Thank god. I hate sitting still. It upsets me, and then I have to kick around and try to find a good position. At least when things are moving I feel comfortable. But this kid won’t give it up.
“I don’t wanna go! I don’t wanna go! I don’t wanna go!” she keeps on yelling. No, not yelling, shrieking like a spoiled little banshee. If she doesn’t stop soon, I swear I’m gonna rip right out of Mommy’s belly and beat the shit outta her.
“Mommy, why are we going to the doctor’s office?” It’s the little one talking. If you call that talking, what he does: that pitiful lisp that sounds like he’s spraying half a gallon of spit with each syllable. And he never talks-he hollers. He must give Mommy huge headaches. Shit, I’ve only been around six weeks and I’m already sick of his voice. I wish he would just shut up! “I don’t wanna go to the doctor’s office either.”
“I don’t have a babysitter. You guys are just gonna have to deal. For Mommy’s sake. Please.”
“Okay, Mommy. We’ll be good.” It’s the middle one. How can she even hear a word he says with that whispery voice and the other ones yelling over him all the time. What a little kiss ass he is. A sissy mary too. I bet the little one could beat his big brother’s ass any freakin’ day of the week. But whatever. “Kimi-Sue, Mommy needs to go to the doctor. It’s very important.”