Billy opened up the warrant and said, “You guys are cops? Jesus Christ! I thought you were gonna shoot me, you son of a bitch!”
“If you don’t stay out on this porch while I get everything that’s listed on that warrant, or attempt to interfere in any way, I will.”
Billy grabbed Vic by the arm, “You can’t take that money. Paris will kill me.”
“Paris who?”
Billy’s eyes narrowed, “You don’t even know Paris?” He watched Frank come up the porch steps and smirked, “You guys are just rent-a-cops, aren’t you? I want to talk to my attorney.”
“No problem,” Vic said. “Go find a payphone.”
Billy reached into his pocket and said, “Believe it or not, there’s this new technology called cellphones.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and waved it in front of Vic’s face. “I realize you guys haven’t caught up to the rest of the world out here in Mayberry.”
Vic looked at the phone and said, “Is that the Verizon phone that ends in 6642?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s listed on the warrant,” Vic said. “Give me that.” He took Billy’s cellphone and dropped it into his pocket. “You’re free to go. The house belongs to us until we’re done the search.”
Billy looked at them in confusion. “Free to go? Aren’t you going to arrest me?”
“Nope,” Vic said. “You can stay on the porch here or go wherever you want. Just not inside till we’re done.” He retrieved his toolbox and opened it on the porch, removing a camera and a stack of paper bags. “You’ll get a receipt for anything we take.”
“You guys have to arrest me,” Billy said. “This isn’t funny. Put me in handcuffs.” He held out his hands toward Frank and said, “Please.”
Frank cocked his head for Vic to meet with him at the end of the porch. They kept a careful eye on Billy, who was now burying his face into his fist. “We are gonna arrest this guy, right?”
“Not necessarily,” Vic said.
“Why? He’s a drug dealer. He’s got drugs. We arrest drug dealers. I thought that was the whole point.”
“Frankie, my boy, we’re not gonna run down this hill. We’re gonna walk down, and screw ‘em all.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Let me guess. You never saw Colors, either, did you?”
“No!” Frank said.
Billy’s head popped up and he said, “It’s that scene with Sean Penn and Robert Duvall. Sean Penn’s this young punk who wants to just beat the shit out of everybody and lock up every gangster he sees. Bobby D.’s this old head who tells him they’re gonna go slow and take out everybody at once when the time is right.”
“See?” Vic said. “Even this guy saw the movie.”
“It’s a classic,” Billy said. “Is that what you’re doing to me? Waiting so you can take me out with everybody else?”
“If you live that long, maybe,” Vic said. Vic flashed a smile at Billy as he went into the front door and lifted his camera, snapping photos with every step.
“You have to convince him to arrest me,” Billy said. “There is no way Paris will believe you took all my shit and all my money and didn’t lock me up. He’s going to think I ratted him out, and cut me into tiny little pieces with a chainsaw.”
“Nothing I can do,” Frank said.
“Paris will kill my family,” Billy said. “He’s not some local yokel you guys are used to. He’s got connections all the way from New York to Florida.”
“Why don’t you start by telling me who he is, and I’ll see what I can do,” Frank said.
“Yeah, right,” Billy sniffed. He jabbed his thumb against his chest, “I’m into the game so much higher up than you, it’s pathetic. I’m at, like, the federal level. Get me the FBI. I’ll talk to them.”
“I wouldn’t know how to reach them if I wanted to,” Frank said.
“You guys are a joke,” Billy said. “I’ll get full immunity and witness protection. You watch. I’ll be laughing at you douchebags when you’re out here shoveling snow and the US Marshals are paying for my condo in San Jose.”
Frank ignored Billy long enough that he stopped talking and the two of them watched through the porch windows as Vic walked around the house. Vic finally emerged carrying a handful of paper bags. “Does your wife use?” Vic said.
Billy’s back stiffened. “Never.”
“Good. She won’t miss the bundle of heroin and works I found in her nightstand, then.”
“Shit!” Billy said. He smacked himself in the head with both fists and paced back and forth on the porch. “Can’t you at least leave her a little so she doesn’t get sick?”
“No,” Vic said.
“How’s she going to take care of our daughter if she’s going through withdrawal?”
“Look on the bright side,” Frank said. “When that guy Paris finds out, you won’t have to worry about either of them for much longer.”
Both Vic and Billy turned to look at Frank. Neither of them spoke.
“What?” Frank said. “It was a joke.”
“Dude, that’s not funny,” Billy said.
“That was pretty dark,” Vic said.
“Oh stop it. I was just kidding!”
“About my wife and daughter getting murdered?”
“Well… you were the one who said it first,” Frank said.
“Just get the bags,” Vic said. He watched Frank scoop up the bags in his arms and start trekking them back to the car. “How serious of a threat is this Paris guy?”
“Pretty goddamn disturbingly serious,” Billy said. “I’ve been with him when he shot people before.”
“No shit?” Vic said. “Around here?”
“Hell no, not around here. Nobody shoots anybody around here except you guys when it’s some kid just trying to steal jewelry.”
Frank stiffened at the comment, but Vic drew Billy’s attention by reaching into his wallet and pulling out a business card. “If you decide you want me to help you, get a hold of me. The station is right up the street. Doesn’t matter what time of day it is.”
Billy took the card and looked at it. “Thanks, but I’m going to call the FBI.”
“Not without a phone you aren’t,” Vic said. He handed him the search warrant receipt. “Sign on the bottom.”
Billy started reading the receipt and said, “I’m not signing this. It’s a confession that you found drugs in my house!”
“I already found the drugs, dummy. I don’t need a confession. It’s just a receipt for what I’m taking.”
“I’m not signing shit without my lawyer.”
“Fine. Have it your way,” Vic said. He folded up the receipt and stuck it in his pocket. “I’d tell you to take care, but really, what I mean to say is ‘Enjoy the next forty-eight hours, because you probably don’t have much more than that.’ The next time I see you, you’ll probably look a little different, Billy. Have fun with Paris.”
Frank watched the Detective storm across the lawn and said, “Tell me that wasn’t dark.”
“Shut up and get in the car, rookie,” Vic said.
“I’m not a rookie,” Frank said.
“You’re a rookie until I say otherwise. Did you watch ‘Colors’ yet?”
“I’ve been standing here with you for the past hour. How the hell could I have watched a movie?”
Vic put the car into drive. “Typical rookies,” he said. “Always making excuses.”
They carried the evidence into the station and tried to hurry past the Staff Sergeant’s open office door when Erinnyes bellowed, “There you are!”