‘Watkingle! You’ve been promoted!’
‘Yes, sir,’ said Watkingle. ‘And it was for hitting you on the head, sir, and averting a disastrosphe or cataster, whichever you like. That was a good hit for me, if you don’t mind me saying so, sir.’
‘I don’t mind – it was needed at the time.’ Arthur got up and shook Watkingle’s paw. ‘Feverfew would have had me, otherwise.’
‘You’re looking... uh... well, sir,’ said Watkingle. ‘Taller.’
‘Yes,’ replied Arthur, not very happily. He sat back down. Watkingle lounged back against the hull, bracing his paws so that he was not thrown off balance by the pitch and roll of the ship.
‘I take it you have come to ask your third question?’ said Goldbite, after the ensuing silence started to feel uncomfortable.
‘Well, both a question and a request for aid,’ Arthur replied. ‘I hear that Superior Saturday has completely cut off the Upper House, and that there is no way to get there. But I bet you Rats know a way. In fact, I know you must, because a Raised Rat managed to get out with a piece of paper. I want to find out what that way is, and I want you to help me get there.’
‘And me!’ added Suzy.
‘Hmmm,’ said Goldbite. ‘I shall have to send a message to Commodore Monckton-’
Arthur shook his head.
‘There’s no time. I presume you know that the Nothing defences in the Far Reaches were sabotaged and the dam wall was destroyed. The Lower House has also been destroyed. I have to stop Saturday before she manages to destroy the entire House.’
Goldbite wrinkled his nose in agitation.
‘We had news of a disaster, but did not know it was so extreme,’ he said. ‘But to answer your question, I must reveal secrets. I’ve not been in command of this vessel long, nor am I very senior...’
‘I have already ordered the Raised Rats to be left alone unless they act against my forces,’ said Arthur. ‘I’m happy to do anything I can for you, and to answer any number of questions, if you can tell me how to get into the Upper House.’ He paused and then corrected, ‘How to get into the Upper House without being noticed, that is.’
‘As you have guessed, Lord Arthur, there is a way,’ said Goldbite slowly. He looked at Watkingle, who shrugged. ‘All things considered, I believe I must assist you. But you must agree to a price to be set by Commodore Monckton and those Rats senior to me, in addition to the answer you already owe us.’
‘That’s a pig in a poke,’ said Suzy. ‘You Rats really take the biscuit.’
‘Why, thank you,’ said Watkingle. He leaned forward and took a biscuit.
‘That’s not what I meant!’ protested Suzy. ‘Why should Arthur agree to-’
‘It’s okay, Suzy,’ said Arthur. ‘I do agree.’
If I don’t agree, it soon won’t matter, he figured. And a small voice inside him, a deep and nasty part of his mind, added, Besides, I can go back on my word. They’re only Rats...
‘I must also ask you to keep this secret, Lord Arthur,’ continued Goldbite. ‘All of you must keep it secret.’
Arthur nodded, as did Suzy, though he had a suspicion she’d crossed her fingers behind her back.
‘Always happy to keep a secret,’ said Scamandros. ‘Got hundreds of them already, locked up here.’
The sorcerer tapped his forehead, and a tattoo of a keyhole appeared there, a key went in and turned, and then both transformed into a spray of question marks that danced over his temples to his ears.
‘Very well,’ said Goldbite. ‘Lord Arthur, you know about our Simultaneous Bottles, how something put in one bottle of a matched pair will appear in the other bottle?’
‘Yes. For messages and so on. But Monckton told me they only work in the Border Sea!’
‘That is true for most of them. But we do have a small number of very special Simultaneous Bottles, or, to be accurate, Simultaneous Nebuchadnezzars that not only work outside the Border Sea-’
‘What’s a Nebuchadnezzar?’ asked Suzy.
‘Size of bottle,’ said Scamandros. Eight bottles of increasing size appeared on his left cheek and spread across to his right cheek. The smallest was about half an inch high, the largest began at his chin and went to the top of his ear. ‘Big one. There’s your ordinary bottle. Then comes a Magnum – that’s two bottles’ worth. Then a Jeroboam – that holds the same as four of the regular size. And so forth: Rehoboam, six bottles; Methuselah, eight; Salmanazar, twelve; Balthazar, sixteen; Nebuchadnezzar, twenty!’
He started to rummage inside his coat and added, ‘Got a Jeroboam of quite a nice little sparkling wine here somewhere, a gift from poor old Captain Catapillow-’
‘Yes, yes,’ broke in Goldbite. ‘The Simultaneous Nebuchadnezzars are very large bottles that we have twinned in various locations about the House, including one in the Upper House. Their size is important because they are large enough to allow the transfer of one of us. But not, I hasten to say, someone of your stature Lord Arthur.’
‘I thought it might be something like that,’ said Arthur. ‘That’s where you come in, Doctor Scamandros. I want you to turn me into a Raised Rat. Temporarily, that is.’
‘And me,’ said Suzy.
‘It is not an easy thing to do,’ Dr Scamandros warned. ‘It is true I once created illusions for you, to give you the appearance of rats. Actually reshaping you, even for a limited time – I don’t know. You could do it yourself with the Key, Arthur.’
Arthur nodded. ‘I probably could. But I would be worried about turning back again. But if you do it, it will wear off, won’t it?’
‘I should expect so,’ said Scamandros. ‘But I cannot be sure how any spell will affect you, Lord Arthur. It is possible the Key might perceive such a spell as an attack, and do the same thing to me that it did to that Newnith.’
‘I’m sure it wouldn’t if I was concentrating on wanting to turn into a Raised Rat,’ said Arthur. ‘Anyway, let’s give it a try.’
Goldbite coughed and raised a paw.
‘The Simultaneous Nebuchadnezzar that is twinned with the one we have secreted in the Upper House is not aboard this vessel. Should you wish to try it, upon the terms I have outlined, we must rendezvous with the Rattus Navis II. If I send a message and she steams towards us, and we to her, it should only be a matter of half an hour. We have been travelling in convoy.’
‘Convoy?’ asked Arthur. ‘With loads of Newniths aboard? I hope you’re not planning to attack Port Wednesday after all?’
‘I do not know the ultimate destination of the Newnith force,’ answered Goldbite. ‘But I can tell you that we took them aboard in the Secondary Realms, and so I expect we shall disembark them in another.’
‘Okay, good,’ said Arthur. ‘I think. What can they be up to? I wish the Piper would just stay out of everything. I suppose I could ask one of the Newniths-’
‘Please!’ interrupted Goldbite. ‘As I said, the Raised Rats seek to be noncombatants. At present the Newniths have agreed to the polite fiction that one of their number was lost in an accident at sea. They will not come below to seek you out, but should you make yourself known, then they will feel compelled to fight. I expect you would win, Lord Arthur, but your companions could be killed, and certainly many Newniths would die. Please stay here, drink cranberry juice, and when we have made our rendezvous, we will transfer you to the other ship as quickly and quietly as is possible.’
‘All right.’ Once again Arthur had to fight back the urge to stride out upon the deck and order the Newniths to bow before him. And if they would not, then he would blast them to cinders and let wind and wave blow them away...
No, thought Arthur. Stop! I will do this my way. No matter what I look like on the outside, I am not going to change who I truly am. I am human and I know how to love, and be kind, and be compassionate to those who are weaker than me. Just because I have power doesn’t mean I have to use it!
‘I am going to need some things,’ announced Dr Scamandros, who was rummaging in his pockets. ‘Hmm... freshly cut Rat hair... four paw prints in jelly or plaster or sand, at a pinch... grey or brown paint, a bigger brush than this one... I think I have everything else.’