“There’s something familiar about that animal,” she said, and frowned. “I just can’t quite figure it out.” She stared for a couple of seconds, then snapped her fingers. “I know. It’s you. You pace the cabin just like that.”
“You’re right,” he said, surprised that she got it. “We’re both trapped. I can’t come out, neither can he. We’d both be too dangerous to let loose.”
Jamie glanced up at him. Her hazel eyes had a greenish tint that made her look faintly exotic. Her mouth twitched, then she started to laugh.
“Gee, Zach, could you be more melodramatic? I mean, I’m sure that line works great on the bimbos you normally go out with, but you’re going to have to do better with me. ‘We’re both too dangerous to let loose,’” she said, mocking him sotto voce. “Get over it. You’re a spy, not an assassin. We’ve both done some dangerous and scary things, but we haven’t been brainwashed into behaving like monsters. You make it so complicated.”
His first instinct was to get angry with her. It faded in the light of the obvious affection shining from her face. She cared for him. He knew that. He didn’t know how much, nor did he want to. For now those feelings were enough to make him smile.
“Okay, maybe I was a little melodramatic,” he admitted.
“A little? You’re too dangerous to be let loose?” She laughed again and hugged him.
He kissed the top of her head. This was the Jamie he liked best. The one who wasn’t afraid of him. “You’ve always been disrespectful of your elders,” he said. “I should have written you up during training.”
She pushed away and planted her hands on her hips. “I was the best recruit you ever trained, mister, so don’t be telling me I did anything wrong.”
Sunlight made her hair gleam. Her skin was clear, slightly tanned and touched with pink. Her mouth parted. She wasn’t elegant or sophisticated. He knew she didn’t even believe in her own femininity, but in his mind, she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
“You always were fearless,” he said.
“Sometimes that got me into trouble, but most of the time, it saved my butt.”
“Mine, too.”
Her smile faded. “I couldn’t have left you there to die. I would have come after you, no matter what Winston had told me. Even if I’d had to do it on my own.”
Her hazel eyes saw too much. Because of their shared life-style, she knew most of what he’d been through and she could accurately guess at the rest. Her knowledge made him want to hide, because there were some things he couldn’t bear to think about. It also made him want to trust her more.
“Zach, I-” She paused. An emotion flitted across her face. One that made his chest tighten and his heart thunder. He didn’t dare name it. He didn’t want to think about what would generate those feelings in her. Yet he couldn’t look away.
He didn’t want her to care. He couldn’t handle that. Caring implied the potential for a relationship. Or was he just fooling himself by thinking they didn’t have one already? He didn’t know how to play this game, and the rules were unfamiliar to him. The only thing certain was he didn’t want Jamie to leave him today. He could bear anything but that, even the knowledge that she would leave him eventually.
Before she could say anything else, a family came around the corner and joined them by the enclosure. Zach glanced at the two parents, the infant in the stroller and the small child bringing up the rear.
The little girl couldn’t be much more than four, with short, tousled red hair, freckles and huge blue eyes. She wore a miniature khaki jacket over jeans.
Jamie glanced at the family and smiled. The little girl smiled shyly back, then hurried toward the enclosure.
“Daddy, up,” she said, and raised her arms.
Zach watched her in amazement. There was an implicit trust in that statement and gesture, as if her father had always been there to take her where she wanted to go. As if he’d never dropped her or let her down.
Jamie moved close to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. He absorbed her heat, using it to chase away some of the chill from his dark soul.
“Isn’t she sweet?” Jamie asked, whispering in his ear. “So small and cute.”
He didn’t respond, but she didn’t seem to notice. All her attention focused on the little girl. Her father raised her so her feet rested on the waist-high railing. She leaned back against him and clapped her hands. There was no fear that she would fall. Her father anchored her with a strong arm around her waist.
“Kitty,” the child said.
“Leopard. That’s a black leopard.” Her father, nearly six feet with a medium build, said patiently.
The girl giggled. “Pretty kitty. Here, kitty. Come play with me.”
Jamie’s mouth parted as if her breath had caught in her throat. She stared at the child as if she’d never seen one before. Zach saw the longing in her eyes, the hint of pain in the set of her mouth.
He knew what she was thinking. Seven years ago, he’d tried to warn her about all she would give up if she chose the agency as her career. It wasn’t just coming home at five every day; it was being like everyone else. There wasn’t room for close friends, for relationships, no room for a proper marriage or a close family.
Now she wondered if she’d waited too long. Had she been too damaged by her experiences to let her dreams come true? She was hoping that because he’d been the one to show her the way into that life, he could help her reverse the course. When was she going to figure out that he never wanted to find his way?
Zach saw the exact moment the leopard spotted the child. The animal stopped pacing and froze in place. Golden eyes focused on the chattering little girl. Muscles coiled, whiskers twitched. Her size and quick movement marked her as prey.
He and the cat were too much alike. Killers, honed by instinct and knowledge. Like the leopard, he was deadly. Jamie still had a chance, but it was too late for him. He couldn’t risk it.
For a single heartbeat, he allowed himself to think about what it would mean to have a child of his own. Someone who loved him and trusted him because he’d always been there, done the right thing. Then he pushed away the fantasy. He wouldn’t always be there and he wouldn’t know how to do the right thing. In the end, he would be dangerous for the child. Not because he wanted to, but because one day he wouldn’t be able to keep perfect control. One day the demons inside would escape, and everyone around him would be destroyed. He refused to risk hurting anyone he cared about.
Jamie released him and took a step toward the next enclosure. Zach grabbed her hand and followed.
“It’s so weird,” she said when they were staring at a pair of black bears. “That woman was probably a couple of years younger than me and she’s already got two kids. I bet a lot of the girls I went to high school with are married with families.”
“If they knew what you had done with your life, they would envy you.”
She leaned forward on the railing. “You think so? I’m not so sure. I mean it’s hardly glamorous.”
“Not James Bond?” he teased.
“Exactly. Sometimes I think about going back and making other choices.”
“What would they be?”
She scrunched her nose up as she thought. “Maybe I’d be a barrel racer instead.” She laughed. “Or a pilot. I always wanted to learn how to fly. I could have been a scientist.”
“I can’t see you trapped in some lab all day.”
“Me, either. I’m not conventional enough. But sometimes I wonder what it must be like to have regular goals, to live a perfectly ordinary life.” She straightened and smiled. “I knew girls who wanted to be cheerleaders or the homecoming queen. I never went to a dance my whole life. I don’t even know how to dance.”
“It’s not so hard.”
She looked startled. “You can dance?”
“I get by. An undercover assignment put me in an embassy once. It’s a real party circuit. I learned how to dance to protect my cover.”