No more.
Watching Patti now, her passion bleeding through in her every move and shout of joy, Jon knew the only way to enjoy life was by living it.
He hadn’t lived life for more than five years.
Maybe his mother was right. Maybe the time for punishing himself was over. Maybe he needed to look toward the future and stop living in the past. What was it doing for him anyway, besides giving him an ulcer?
Jon made a pact with himself at that moment and there to put aside the past and make the best of it. Patti had gone out of her way to surprise him, and he appreciated the effort. Besides, it was clear to him that this was something that made her happy, and he wasn’t about to do anything that would put a damper on their date.
He’d been lucky to find someone like her. Someone who enjoyed the same things he did. To share something you love with another person, someone you welcomed spending your time with, connected with on a deeper level, was special. He wouldn’t take it for granted, and he’d be damned if he let her slip through his fingers.
It was incredibly cliché, but Patti made him want to be a better man.
They’d opted not to enter the burn out area where people from the stands had gathered after the races to meet the drivers and get their autographs, but that didn’t hinder her good mood in the slightest. Patti felt like she was on top of the world, her natural high making her feel giddy and light as a feather as they traveled the road toward home.
“That was amazing!” Patti thumped the wheel with her hand. “Wasn’t that so cool? I haven’t been to a race since before my dad died. I almost forgot how much I loved them.”
“Yeah, it was pretty neat,” Jon said, keeping his eyes glued to the road. Patti was too busy reliving every moment of the past two hours to notice how rigid his body was or the tight clench of his jaw. “Maybe you could slow down a bit?”
“I think my favorite was the Nitro. That Cougar stood no chance against that beast. None.” Closing in on the tail end of a minivan, Patti flicked a look over her shoulder and quickly switched lanes. “So who was your favorite? And don’t say the Volkswagen.”
“It was the Camaro, actually.” He reached over and laid his hand on the top of her thigh. “But hey, the races were over twenty minutes ago. What do you say we take it back a notch?”
Patti swung a glance at him, then down to the speedometer. “What? I’m barely going eighty.”
“That’s fifteen over the speed limit.”
An amused chuckled spilled out. “What are you, an old man now?” Honestly, she didn’t know why he was acting so uptight. Maybe he was one of those guys who thought women couldn’t, or shouldn’t be driving. Well, she had a squeaky-clean driving record and she’d gladly shove in his face.
“No,” Jon said slowly, “I just don’t see the need to rush. We have the rest of the day to spend together.”
“I know I have a bit of a lead foot,” Patti explained, trying to keep her patience. She was verging on being offended. “But I’m an excellent driver. I’ve never been in an accident, never even came close. I know how to handle myself on the road.”
Jon’s thumb traced small circles on her skin. It felt so good, giving her tingles everywhere. “I never said you weren’t. In fact, I can see that you’re a good driver, but there’s always a first time for everything.” He turned his soft blue eyes on her. “Let’s just slow down, okay?”
Patti glanced from the road to him and back again, and frowned as her mind was carried away. “Was that supposed to be a pun? Are you saying we’re moving too fast?” She mentally counted off all of their dates and, since this was only their second one, concluded that it was impossible. They’d barely spent enough time together to get to know one another let alone need to dial it down a notch.
“It’s not a pun. I’m strictly talking about the car.”
Patti felt her stubborn streak kick in. While a part of her wanted to slow down to please him, another part shouted at her not to give in to him. She’d always hated being told what to do, and although she recognized that Jon wasn’t being pushy in any way, her knee-jerk reaction to please him made her cringe. She’d spent far too much of her life catering to men, so why should she concede now?
“Why is this so important to you,” she questioned, weaving in and out of traffic. “Don’t you trust me?”
Jon’s free hand came up to grip the door handle, the only physical sign that he was bothered by her driving. “I trust you fine; I just don’t think we need to break any laws to shave a few minutes off our drive time.”
“Would you prefer if I had let you drive?” Patti’s teeth grit together. She saw a small opening in the next lane. It was rush hour and traffic was wall to wall. The space would close up in a heartbeat. While she could have waited it out in favor of something that wasn’t on the verge of qualifying as death-defying, she felt the need to prove to Jon that she possessed the skills to make that leap…and maybe she wanted to see just how much “trust” he really had in her, too.
Pressing the gas pedal, the car shot forward. The bumper came so close to the car in front of them that the hood concealed the other car’s license plate. Beside them, the cars moved at nearly the same pace, pushing forward slightly and then retreating, shrinking and widening the gap she was aiming for.
“What are you doing?” Jon’s face lined with worry.
Flipping on her blinker, Patti whipped into the next lane with barely a margin of error to account for. She sucked in a breath, feeling her heart gallop in her chest as the spike of adrenalin rushed through her veins.
“Jesus Christ!” Jon shouted. “Are you trying to get us killed?”
The proud smile Patti wore died instantly. The deep grooves of anger coupled with the dark look on his face made Patti’s stomach clench painfully. She let her foot up off the pedal. Cars zoomed by them, switching lanes as though they were going slow enough to bring traffic to a standstill. She knew how they felt. Just then, she felt like they were crawling down the highway, but the pit that had opened up in her stomach knocked the wind out of her, and she didn’t think she could keep up her normal pace even if she wanted to.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered into the pervading silence. Humiliation, bitter and strong, coated her insides. She’d never expected him to react so strong. Driving had always been her strong suit. Her dad taught her everything she knew. Now, that strength felt more like a weakness. It didn’t help that Jon’s hand had long ago left her, leaving her feeling bereft.
With one hand firmly gripping the wheel, she wrapped her arm around her waist. Impending tears burned the back of her throat and she swallowed convulsively. Stupid hormones. Sometimes it really sucked being a girl.
Jon didn’t speak right away, but when he did, he surprised her. “No, I’m sorry.” He released a long-suffering sigh and dragged his hands down his face. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
Patti shook her head. “No, I should have been more considerate. I might like driving fast, but that doesn’t mean everyone else does. I should have listened.”
Returning his hand to her leg, Jon squeezed. “No, really. When I say it wasn’t your fault, I mean it. It’s just me dumping my old hang-ups on you, and it won’t happen again.” Lifting his arm, he wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck and kneaded the muscles. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
His soft voice coupled with his firm touch melted Patti’s resolve, and she leaned into him. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s really not, and like I said, it won’t happen again.”
“Okay.” Carefully shifting into the next lane, Patti took their exit.