That he didn’t do that this time set off warning bells inside her head.
“Are you coming in,” she asked softly, twisting her hands in her lap.
“I shouldn’t,” Jon said, his deep, tortured voice tearing her up inside. “I have an early day tomorrow.”
“I have an alarm clock,” she shot back, smiling despite herself.
Jon continued to stare blankly out the windshield. “I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” Patti snapped. Grimacing, she softened her voice again. “Jon, please. Come inside. We need to talk…and I’m not ready…” She swallowed tightly and Jon’s head swiveled to look at her. She wanted to tell him she wasn’t ready to let him go. She wasn’t ready to end things, not now, possibly not ever. Instead of saying all of that, she simply repeated, “I’m not ready.”
He stared into her eyes, his expression pained beyond her comprehension. Desperate, Patti slid across the bench and took his hand in hers. “Please, Jon,” she whispered. “Come inside.”
He was looking at their joined hands, their fingers woven together, lost deep in thought, when he finally nodded. “Okay.” Turning off the engine, he pulled out the keys and opened the door. Reaching up, he took Patti by the hand and helped her down from the cab, then stood back to let her lead the way.
Deep, unforgiving sadness filled Patti to the point of rupture, but somehow she managed to keep herself from breaking down as she stepped into the living room and felt Jon’s presence at her back. She stepped out of her shoes and busied herself with putting them away. She couldn’t bring herself to face him. Not when she knew what was coming. She felt it all the way to her soul.
“Would you like something to drink? Or eat? I can heat up some soup or something…”
Her voice hitched as Jon came up behind her. She felt the heat of his body sear her back, and she squeezed her eyes shut tight. With firm but gentle hands, Jon turned her around. Patti could feel the sting of tears pricking her eyes, and when she opened them, they spilled down her cheeks. Jon’s thumbs smoothed them away.
“Jon.” His name left her on a shuddering breath.
Without any words, he cupped the back of her head and lowered his mouth to hers. They kissed slowly at first, their lips pressing softly against one another, and then growing in desperation and hunger, until they were both grasping at one another as though their lives depended on it.
Bending down, Jon slipped his arm under her knees and scooped Patti up. Her arms looped around his neck as she returned to his mouth, pouring her love for him into every kiss, hoping he could feel what she felt for him.
She didn’t want to let him go.
As he carried her to the bedroom and laid her out on the bed, her hands grasped frantically at his shirt, dragging him down on top of her.
She didn’t want to let him go.
Even as Jon undressed them both, tearing at their clothes like a man possessed, she never let him out of her reach, out of her sight. She drank him in. His bulging arms, his defined abs, every hard muscle that twitched and flexed, dancing before her eyes. Just thinking about all the things he had done to her body, all the things he was about to do now, made her heart race.
She didn’t want to let him go.
When Jon slid into her, she clutched him tightly, inhaled him deeply, taking every part of him into her and committing him to memory, because she didn’t want to let him go. And after Jon spilled inside of her, his body shuddering, his skin damp with sweat, he lingered at her mouth, stroking her lips with tender, almost reverent kisses that hurt her more than words ever could.
But, then, maybe he knew that.
Rolling on to his side, Jon pulled her against his chest and held her until she drifted off to sleep, and when she awoke, she found herself cold and alone.
He had let her go.
19
He’d hurt plenty of people before, broken plenty of hearts in his time, so why, then, was Jon so bothered this time? Oh, that’s right, because he was in love. Love was a complication he’d never thought he’d have to deal with again, because he’d purposely designed his life to avoid it. A lot of good that did.
The bed felt particularly empty now that he didn’t have anyone to share it with, more so now that he lay there staring at the ceiling with only his thoughts to keep him company. Morning was coming soon, which meant that Patricia would be waking up to find him gone.
It took everything he had in him not to stay, but he’d already screwed up by sleeping with her. Just one more time, he kept telling himself when they’d pulled up to her house last night. He just wanted to hold her in his arms, feel her body against his one more time. The memory would be all that he had left come morning, and he wanted to savor every second.
It was the most bittersweet moment he’d ever experienced, and he was still questioning whether it had been a good or bad decision. Of course, he loved her, and he knew he’d be letting her go. She knew no such thing. While he prepared himself to leave, she had pushed closer, and he had let her because he was selfish. He couldn’t stand not having her one last time.
He thought of her distraught face, her glistening eyes, and the tears he wiped from her face, made him realize that maybe she had known what was happening, after all.
It still didn’t excuse him from taking advantage of the situation, but he couldn’t walk away from her at that moment any more than he could ignore someone injured on the side of the road. In his mind, he was soothing them both, seeking solace in one another’s arms. Saying goodbye.
What would she think of him when she found him missing? What would she do? A heavy pounding startled him from his thoughts and Jon sat up, listening. When it happened again a moment later, he realized it was coming from the front door.
Dragging his weary body out of bed, he made his way to the door and opened it to a very pissed off Patricia. Despite the fire snapping in her crisp blue eyes, he admired everything about her.
She was dressed in a tank top and a pair of yoga pants, her wild blonde hair knotted on top of her head. She wore no make-up, but she looked even more breathtaking to him for it. He loved that she possessed natural beauty. He could stare at her forever, listing all the things about her that he loved, but her waspish words snapped him to attention.
“Is this what you do when you decide you’re done with a woman? You just screw her and leave in the middle of the night so you don’t have to explain yourself?”
Jon expected her to be angry, so this came as no surprise, but he was a little shocked that she had come after him, and so soon. Sliding a practiced mask of cold indifference into place, Jon leaned casually against the doorframe and folded his arms across his chest. “Good morning, Patricia. Did you sleep well?”
Her eyes narrowed a fraction. “Not very considering my boyfriend crawled away in the middle of the night like a coward.” She slung the words at him, searching his face for any sign that she had hit her mark.
She had, but Jon didn’t let her see how deeply she affected him. “I admit, I could have handled it better, but after seeing your behavior with your ex, I was afraid you wouldn’t be very… reasonable.”
Her head jerked back as if she’d been slapped. “You think I would, what, burn your stuff? You should know me better than that.”
“That’s just the thing,” Jon said, cutting her off. “We’ve known each other less than a month, and we spent most of that time fucking. I don’t know you very well at all.”
“You know me well enough to introduce me to your parents,” she rebutted.