“I can’t talk to you about this anymore,” he said roughly. “Just please leave.”
Patricia shook her head. “No, Jon. I won’t let you push me away. I won’t let you beat yourself up and shoulder all the blame for something that was never your fault. Your parents said you were stupid kids. I agree. But you’re an adult now, and from the looks of it, I think you’ve paid enough.”
Furious with her rational thoughts and unwilling to process them, Jon grasped the door, holding it open. “I’ll decide when I’ve paid enough.”
“So you’re just going to kick me out?” Patricia asked, bewildered. “After all of that, you’re just going to turn your back on everything so you can sit here and wallow in self-pity?”
Jon’s lips thinned. He’d had enough self-analyzing for one day. “Yes, that is exactly what I plan to do. I’m going to ‘wallow’ all fucking day for the next month, or year, hell, maybe even the rest of my life if I want, and you don’t have a damn thing you can say about it! Now get the fuck out!”
Her bottom lip quivered, but Jon pretended he didn’t see it. All he had to do was get through another minute and it would be over. Patricia drew herself up tall and marched past him. The moment her foot touched the concrete, she spun around and pointed an angry finger at him. “This isn’t over. Not by a long shot. If you think you can toss me out of your life, then you’re sadly mistaken. You made me love you, Jon, and I’m not letting that go just because you decide to throw a tantrum. Got it?”
Jon stared at her, the words ‘You made me love you’ circling his head. He shook his head to dislodge them. “I hear you, Patricia, but you’re wasting your time, because I don’t love you.” With that, he closed the door on her stunned face and waited until he heard the growl of her car speed away.
20
Fed up and angry at the world, Patti floored it. She didn’t care about anything at that moment except feeling the sweet relief of leaving her worries, hurt, and fear trailing in her dust. She jumped lanes, went too fast, and dared anyone to say anything about it.
How could Jon just push her out of his life like that? How could he let his past determine his future? He didn’t even try to fight for them, and she was worth fighting for, dammit!
There was only one person she could rely on, and that was her daddy. The same in death as he was in life, he never rejected her, he never looked at her with pity, he simply listened, and sometimes that’s all a girl needed—unconditional love and undivided attention.
Like there was a magnetic pull on her heart, she knew where she was headed before she even made a conscious decision to go there.
At the speed she was traveling, the cemetery was only a few minutes south, so Patti cranked up her angry girl music and plotted her course to the only man who had ever shown her unconditional love. The only man who had ever proven to be reliable in her life.
Damn Jon. Damn him and all of his baggage.
He should have fought harder. Instead, he would rather close her out and make them both suffer in some misguided attempt at being noble when all he really was, was a fool.
Well screw him. He’d just proved what she’d known all along—she didn’t need a man in her life to be happy. She didn’t need him at all. He was right, it was better that they ended it now, rather than deluding themselves into thinking they could have a happy and fulfilling life together only to regret it later.
Yeah, it was better to get all the hurt feelings out of the way now so she could move on to greener pastures.
Except, Patti didn’t want to move on. She liked where she was at, she liked whom she was with, and she liked every stinking thing about Jon and the future he offered her. Without even realizing it, she’d begun to hope. He’d given her a glimpse into a world where men weren’t all scum who lied and cheated. Okay, so she’d only known him a few weeks, and as foolish as she knew it sounded, she knew Jon wasn’t that type of guy. Like her father, he was one of the good guys who cherished the women in his life, and damn him for making her see that and allowing her to believe that she could have it.
Just...damn him.
Ahead, Patti could see through watery eyes her exit was coming up. Overeager to get to her father so she could unleash some of her frustration, Patti wasn’t paying close enough attention to her surroundings. As the road began to curve, she steered with it, and the moment it straightened out, she jammed on the accelerator, bolting for the exit. For the first time in her life, she wasn’t as careful as she should have been. She didn’t check her mirrors or turn her head to account for blind spots as her father had taught her to do. She just jumped into the lane that would carry her to her destination and because of that, she didn’t see the oversized diesel pick-up until it was too late.
The flash of gold gave her just enough notice to close her eyes and brace for impact.
Jon stared at the blank television screen, thinking. The way Patricia blew out of there had him worried. He didn’t like the idea of her driving while she was upset. That’s how mistakes were made, and he’d learned the consequences of that far too well to just turn the other cheek.
He must have reached for his phone a dozen times, needing to hear her voice to make sure that she was okay, but each time he felt the weight of it in his hands, it echoed in his heart. He had hurt her and the best thing to do was give her some space, some time to think. Later, he promised himself. Later he would give her a call just to check in, and then he wouldn’t bother her again. He just needed confirmation that the anxious feeling, the feeling building up inside of him like an electrical storm, wasn’t anything to be concerned about.
The only problem was he couldn’t seem to shake the awful feeling that something was wrong.
Restless, Jon waited around at his place until he just couldn’t take it anymore. Dialing her number, he let it ring until it went to voice mail. She was probably avoiding his calls, and that was okay. He expected it. But he left her a message anyway. “I was just calling to make sure you were alright. Call me back so I know you are. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me. Just leave me a message so I know you’re okay.”
He must have left half a dozen messages like that over the next few hours. He kept his phone in his hand the entire time, even when he was in the bathroom, just to make sure he didn’t miss her call. But the phone remained silent.
It was nearing nightfall when Jon had finally had enough and decided that he had to make sure she was okay before he could even hope to get any sleep that night. Dialing her number again, he grabbed his keys and walked out the door. There was still no answer, and when he pulled into her driveway, he noticed that her car wasn’t in the drive.
Stepping out of the truck, he gave the house a visual inspection. Everything appeared locked up tight. Although it wasn’t fully dark yet, it didn’t look like any lights were on inside. It didn’t mean she wasn’t home. The cars might be locked up in the garage. She could be sleeping. Maybe it was egotistical of him, but the thought of her in there, alone, crying, because of him, was too much to bear. He hated even more the idea that she might have gone out and found someone else to share a bed with. He just needed to see her, and then he would leave.
Wondering how many excuses he would make for himself before he actually did leave her alone, Jon strode to the front door and banged his fist against it. He waited several agonizing moments without answer, and then banged his fist again.