She didn’t know when or where it would be best, but she knew that if his answer was anything other than elation, she wasn’t capable of dealing with it right then. Her emotions were too raw.
Instead, she blurted, “I’m selling the car.”
Jon blinked several times, too stunned to speak. “Which one, the Toyota or the GTO?”
“The GTO.”
His eyes widened slightly in surprise. “How come?”
Patti looked past him, around him, down at her feet. “I thought about what you said, about me being self-destructive and that I was probably going to get myself killed one day, and I realized you were right. Besides, I’ve poured so many hours into making it what it is and repairing it the last time that I just couldn’t stand the thought of starting all over again.” She shrugged. “It’s time to let someone else do all the work, and get some enjoyment out of it.”
“I don’t think I ever said that you were self-destructive,” Jon said with a teasing smile.
“Well, maybe not in so many words…”
“Patricia, I—”
“There you are!” Jules came dashing into the hall, her smile so broad all of her teeth were showing. She took hold of Patti’s shoulders and turned her around. “Excuse us,” she told Jon absently, then began chattering excitedly. “You won’t believe who I talked to! His name is Travis, he’s a lawyer, and he is totally into me. We’re going out to dinner tomorrow night!”
Patti held on tight as Jules jumped up and down, jostling her. “That’s great,” she said enthusiastically. “Can you hold that thought? I was talking to Jon about something.”
Jules raked her eyes over him. “About what?”
“About stuff,” Patti said meaningfully.
Jon raised his hands in the air. “It’s fine. You two go talk.” To Patti he said, “We’ll catch up later. Can you come by my place? Say seven?”
“Tonight?” Jules asked, sounding distraught. “But I need you tonight. I need help picking out what to wear. I need to figure out what I’m going to do with my hair.”
“Rain check?” Patti asked Jon hopefully.
“Sure, come by tomorrow when you get the time.”
Patti smiled and nodded. She watched him as he walked away, feeling relief from the oppressive weight that had been sitting on her shoulders finally lift. Jon was speaking to her, making time for her, and they were finally going to talk.
This roller coaster of a day had just taken a turn for the better.
23
“I need you to vacate the premises tomorrow,” Jon said as he walked through the front door.
In the middle of watching a movie, his sister, Casey, twisted around to look at him. “Hello to you, too. Thank you for asking about my day.” She rolled her eyes. “I guess I was the only one listening when Mom and Dad were giving lessons on being polite.”
Casey had come to town under the guise of needing a place to stay while her place was fumigated for bugs—hazards of living in an apartment complex he supposed. However, Jon suspected that it had more to do with his parents and the fit he’d had at dinner the other day, but without evidence, he couldn’t very well turn her away. So he’d given her the spare bedroom. Normally a bachelor like himself would probably find having his little sister in his personal space a real buzz kill, but Jon enjoyed having her around. Sometimes the quiet became too much to bear, so he welcomed the distraction.
Kicking of his shoes, Jon joined her on the couch. “Hello. How was your day? Mine was good. Tomorrow, you need to vamoose.”
“Ugh.” Casey tossed her head back. “For how long?”
“I don’t know. Maybe the whole day, maybe the night. Depends on how well things go.” He winked at her, a devilish smile cresting his face.
Casey’s mouth twisted in a disgusted grimace. “I don’t want to hear about your sexual exploits!” She waved her hands as she got up and headed toward the kitchen. “I’ll see if I can stay with a friend or something.”
“Thanks, sis, you’re the best,” Jon grinned. “Hey, grab me a beer while you’re out there?”
“I hope this woman knows what she’s getting into,” Casey said, returning with drinks for them both.
Jon accepted his beer and twisted the cap off. “She does.”
Casey’s eyes widened. “You told her?”
Jon didn’t have to ask to know what she meant. “Yeah, she knows about Nora.”
“What did she say?”
“The same as everyone else, that it wasn’t my fault. I shouldn’t blame myself.” He gulped his beer, all at once feeling uncomfortable.
“Well, she’s right you know.” Casey regarded him thoughtfully. “You’ve never told anyone else before, have you? I mean, is this it? Is she ‘The One’?”
Twisting the cold bottle between his fingers, Jon thought about it. Patricia was one of a kind. She was kind and smart, funny and sexy, and she was the only person besides his family that he had ever trusted with his past. That she hadn’t rejected him meant the world to him. Then he’d screwed it all up, just like he knew he would, just not the way he thought it would happen. He’d assumed that she would run the other way when she learned his truth. Instead, she had accepted it and even tried to reinforce what everyone had told him for years—that he wasn’t to blame.
If he weren’t careful, he might start to believe them. A part of him already did.
He wasn’t sure if it had been overnight change, or if it was a long time coming, but he noticed the difference. It was as though something inside of him had shifted. He no longer felt this gripping sense of despair or the oppressive guilt weighing him down. Oh, it was still there, but it wasn’t as heavy of a burden to carry anymore.
He knew that it had something to do with Patricia and her total acceptance of him.
He hadn’t realized until he’d told her just how much his past had influenced his life. He’d put his future on hold, denied himself one all together, because he didn’t think himself worthy of anyone’s love.
He was wrong.
Nora’s parents were wrong.
If someone like Patricia could find something in him worth caring about, worth saving, then he couldn’t be that far gone.
That day at his parents’ house, he hadn’t lied when he’d told his mother that he would think about fixing things with Patricia. He’d thought about it long and hard. While he was mulling it over, he went about his days as though his personal life wasn’t in a complete shambles. He’d made it to meetings on time, somehow managed to stay plugged in during the most boring presentations, and even managed to work in a few interviews for prospective accountants into his lunch hours.
Overall, he’d kept busy and productive, but it wasn’t until the day of the shower that he’d come to a final decision.
He’d asked his friend, Travis, to come along for moral support, because he knew Patricia would be there and he needed the distraction so he wouldn’t make a complete fool out of himself.
The moment he walked in, it was as if his entire being sensed her, and he zeroed in on her. She was stunning in a navy wrap dress with her golden hair left down around her shoulders. He wanted to go to her right then, drop down on his knees before her, and beg her forgiveness, but the look on her face made him restrain himself.
He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but her strained expression didn’t seem too promising…or welcoming. Somehow, he was able to keep his distance. He tried not to look at her, but his eyes kept straying. He tried not to pay any attention to her at all, but it seemed like the only voice he could hear belonged to her. It was as though he were hyper attuned to her every move, every breath. She consumed him.