Lynn followed in Dani’s literal footsteps while her thoughts flitted as confusedly as the flocks of birds overhead, drawing her attention inward. She eyed Dani’s back. She seemed oblivious to the dread Lynn felt as hotly as the sun on her neck. Did she not realize what Lynn couldn’t shake: that New York City was too massive to get a grip on? That they were infinitely small and pathetically underequipped to handle it? Lynn took a shuddering breath and released it. Why can’t I get a grip? Isn’t this what I do best?
Over the course of her life, Lynn had spent years in various incarnations of the Wilds. She’d grown up in the ashes of Old-World Chicago, had lived in the outskirts of Ottawa, and had traveled through Detroit and Toronto in between. She’d experienced the same claustrophobic sense of disconnect in those areas as she did now, but she’d also felt… not in control perhaps, but capable. Not now. Her thoughts kept flitting to Dani.
Dammit, that’s it! The thought struck her that the difference between then and now was that she had a human companion. Dani’s presence threw her off-balance.
Lynn’s only other true traveling companion had been her father. While he’d shielded her from a lot of his fears and worries, she’d known, understood, and loved his core being. Dani was a mystery to her. She played her emotions close to the chest, and they hadn’t shared more than a few words prior to and since departing. Dani could harm her, help her, or do nothing in any situation they ended up in, and the fact that Lynn didn’t know which was more likely to happen forced her to divide her attention. She came to an unpleasant conclusion: if she wanted her equilibrium back, she had to connect with her at least a little. They may travel together for just a day or so, but a lot could happen in that time. She stifled a groan. Fine, let’s bond. She inhaled deeply. “So, uh… Daniela, huh?”
“Don’t even try.” Dani didn’t look back.
Thrown off-balance by the instant rebuke, Lynn needed a few seconds to answer. “Try what?”
“To get me to talk to you. I’m not going to.”
Lynn pushed forward to bridge the gap between them. “Look, I get that you’re angry. I just—”
Dani whirled around and brought her spear parallel with Lynn’s gut again.
Lynn jerked to a halt and stepped back on instinct. She raised her hands to chest level and showed Dani one open palm and the handle of her tomahawk, held in place with her thumb as she lifted the other hand as well. Her heartbeat rabbited. This was not what she’d had in mind when she struck up the conversation. “Easy.”
The spear’s tip shuddered with the force of the grip Dani had on its shaft. Her heartbeat surged through a bulging vein on the side of her neck. “This trip wasn’t my idea.”
She examined Dani, trying to sort out this sudden explosive reaction. “Not mine either.”
“Opinions are divided about that one.” Dani forced the words out through a tightly set jaw.
Lynn checked on Skeever to make sure he wasn’t tensing up or otherwise showing signs of impending danger.
He didn’t.
It began to dawn on her that perhaps most of Dani’s ire wasn’t directed at her but at Kate. She relaxed her posture. “Kate made me do this, you know? If you didn’t want to come, you could have taken it up with her. She could have called this whole thing off.”
Dani threw her free arm up. “You think I didn’t?” She laughed, but it was a hollow sound. “I talked to her for over an hour last night—I reasoned with her, pleaded with her, threatened her. Do you know what she said?” She jabbed the spear in Lynn’s direction.
Lynn took another cautious step back. “I can guess.”
Dani shook her head. “I doubt it. She said I owed it to her. I owed it to her to do this.”
“Why?”
“Because she took me into the Homestead. As if I haven’t proven my worth ten times over since!” Dani thrust the spear again.
“Um, could you…?” Lynn motioned at the weapon, but Dani either didn’t hear her or chose to ignore the request.
“I am the one who goes out to set snares and hunt game. I help around the Homestead. I carry my weight!” Dani pounded her chest in a proud and very masculine gesture that was strangely enticing. Not that Lynn had time to focus on such things.
“I’m sure you do carry your weight.”
Dani snorted. “Oh, don’t even start.” She jabbed at Lynn again but not with the intent to harm as the spear tip didn’t get close. “You have no idea who I am, and I haven’t forgotten you chose me to come with you because it might’ve given you an edge.” She waved the tip of the spear around in a circle as if to indicate Lynn’s whole person. “Anything you say or do, I’m taking as an attempt to make your life better. You don’t give a shit about anyone else—least of all me.”
A confusing mix of anger and embarrassment shot through Lynn’s system. She opened her mouth and closed it again when she discovered she didn’t have a reply to that. It was true that she’d tried to give herself an edge by taking Dani, but she didn’t consider herself a selfish person, as Dani seemed to imply. She lowered her hands with the palms down, trying to placate her. “I don’t have to know you to know you pulled your weight. They would have kicked you out long ago if you hadn’t.”
The tip of Dani’s spear drooped an inch or so as she seemed to ponder that. “I guess.” She brought up the weapon again. “But you dragged me into this, so don’t think I’m only pissed at Kate.”
Lynn shrugged in what she hoped would come across as casual but not unsympathetic. “Sorry. You’re a decent person who is strong enough to lift dead weight—literally—but also someone who I think I can take in a fight should you get it into your head to, well, do this.” She nodded toward the spear.
Dani dropped her gaze to the weapon and seemed to register the implied threat of it for the first time. She lifted the tip and let the shaft slide through her loosened fist until the bud settled onto the sand by her feet.
Lynn instantly relaxed a little. “Thanks for that.”
Dani remained silent. The blood still throbbed through the protruding vein on her neck, but it seemed to have slowed a little. Her chin had dropped to her chest, and she clutched the spear as if it was the thing that held her upright instead of the other way around. She’d drifted even further into herself—and away from Lynn.
Lynn realized once more how inept she was at handling human emotion. She couldn’t identify what underlay Dani’s body language, and she wouldn’t know what to say to make her feel better even if she tried. She licked her lips. “Um… maybe we should move on?”
Dani swallowed. “Yeah, I guess.” Her voice cracked halfway through the sentence. She checked the position of the sun before she lifted her spear again. “This way.”
Lynn let her get ahead a few paces to give her the space she had insisted on before, then patted her thigh to draw Skeever’s attention.
He looked up from a pile of rubble he’d been sniffing and trotted over. After a brush against her leg, he pushed on ahead.
As he passed, Dani ran her fingers over his spine, exhaled audibly, and fell in line.
Dani’s words chafed against her mind like badly sewn pants against her thighs. Lynn supposed Dani had a point: she had definitely taken every opportunity to bend the situation to her advantage since the Homesteaders had captured her, but was it selfish to do so when they’d threatened her freedom and her life? The will to live wasn’t selfish, was it? Well… Okay, so it was selfish, but was it bad?
She ran her hand through her hair and shook it out as she glanced left, then right. Jeez. Maybe she should just leave well enough alone for now; this conversation hadn’t made her feel better at all.