She says it with such a friendly, offhand tone that I don’t take offense. I knew it was bound to come up. How can it not? Like she said, it’s a small beach. Even if I’m quiet about the situation, I am guessing Skarr is very much not quiet. “I am not, no.”
“Resonance is hard,” she agrees, not looking back at me but studying the landscape instead. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s also delightful, and the babies are amazing, but it still fucks your shit up. Instead of a ‘me’ you become a ‘we’ overnight.”
I grimace at the thought. “I noticed. It doesn’t matter if we’re together or not, everyone pairs Skarr with me in their minds, as if it’s already decided.”
It’s come up in conversation a few times, and people have mentioned us like we’re a couple.
“Look at it from their perspective. In this generation, resonance does decide. Everyone pairs up happily. I’m told that it wasn’t like that in the past, and the stories of Rukh and Raahosh’s father and mother – and how much they hated each other – are legendary. But for the most part? In these people’s eyes, a resonated couple is a happy couple. But I wanted you to know that you’re not trapped.”
Strangely enough, her words choke me up, and a knot forms in my throat, hard to talk around. “I’m not?”
“You’re not,” she says firmly. “Resonance is a force of nature. I’m not telling you what to do, but if you hate Skarr and can’t stand the thought of being with him, you get a little drunk, you have a night of the worst sex ever, and then you go on with your life. We’ve all had a heinous one-night stand that we regretted in the past, but you don’t have to shack up with the guy. If you can’t get along, as long as you can co-parent, no one will blame you if you go your separate ways.”
I stare at her back. “You make it sound so easy.”
She laughs, stabbing at another drift of snow and then skirting around it, gesturing that I should do the same. “Oh, it’s not. It’s not easy at all. There’s a baby involved, and I know how overwhelming resonance can feel. It’s just that everyone’s painting you one specific picture, and I’m letting you know that you can make your own future. It can be what you need it to be, as long as you fulfill resonance.”
“Or get the healer to turn it off.”
That makes Nadine stop. She turns and gives me a long look. “I’m not pro-resonance or trying to talk you into anything, but I did see what happened to Mari when she had Veronica shut off her resonance. She was like a zombie. Well, not completely. Just totally out of it, like she was numb. No one should have to go through life like that. If you’re totally opposed to being a mom, there are other people here that would happily raise your kid, no questions asked. If you don’t want to stay with this tribe because Skarr is here, there’s another one farther inland. I’m not here to talk you into anything one way or another. You get to make your choices, okay? I’m just being a friend and letting you know that you don’t have to have the white picket fence like everyone thinks you do.”
I manage a wry smile. “A picket fence would look stupid on the beach.”
She snorts with amusement. “Yeah, it would. Come on, our stream isn’t too far ahead. We’ll start to smell it when we go around that ridge.”
Nodding, I follow after her when she starts again. “I appreciate the talk. It’s just a lot to think through. And…I know he can be difficult, but I don’t hate Skarr.”
“Girl, you don’t have to tell me about difficult, obnoxious men. Have you met Thrand?”
I pause. “I actually don’t think I have.”
“Well,” she drawls. “He is a piece of work. And I say that with love as his mate. Let me tell you about the time he—oh, tracks. Hang on.”
She crouches in the snow to examine a line of tracks nearby, and I do the same, wanting to learn. To my surprise, they’re the same tracks I saw from before—the drag on one side, and the big paws on the other.
The wounded snow-cat is here. It’s following us.
Chapter Twenty-Two
SKARR
I take a few steps back and admire my handiwork in the late afternoon sunlight. It is a good hut, I decide.
No, it is the best hut. Because Vivi deserves the best.
I have worked hard to make this the perfect home for her. I know she does not like to be in the thick of things, so I have made her hut at the far edges of the group, at the farthest end of the cliffs. The door is facing toward the cliff, as well, so anyone that comes in will have to circle the platform to approach. Ashtar thought this was odd, but I like it. It adds a level of privacy for my Vivi that I know she will appreciate. The roof is tall and well-angled so the smoke can escape out the hole at the top, and the floor is made with the smoothest rocks I could find, joined together with the mortar that Jason helped create out of sand, seashells, and clay. The interior has a large dip in the center for a firepit, lined with more rocks, and the walls are bricked together with more mortar and smaller rocks in a repeating pattern. I do not have furs or goods for Vivi to put inside yet, but Ashtar says the tribe has more than enough and she can pick out her own.
I am eager to show it to her. I hope…I hope it makes her like me despite the fact that my body is different than hers. I’rec says human females like presents, and I hope she likes this.
I adjust the covering over the door one more time and then step down from the stone platform and onto the beach sands. This end of the beach is quiet, but the main tribal sprawl is farther ahead. Vivi will be there, spending her time around the fire and absorbing information. She is so clever, to learn as much as she can from the others. Perhaps if I did the same, she would look upon me with interest.
But I know she is avoiding me. I am not stupid. She has made it clear that my presence offends her, and so I have tried to give her space. Tried to keep my focus on the hut I have been making for her, because being near her and not being able to touch her is maddening.
Vivi’s kisses have made everything worse. Before, I knew that touching her would be pleasant, but I did not realize how much I would need her. How much I’d crave her mouth on mine again. Now I know what she feels like when she rubs up against me, and what her lips taste like. It has made fighting resonance that much more difficult.
I hope with the gift of the hut…I hope we can start over, or that she can get past the offense that my body creates in her. I might be tall and strong, but I also have two cocks, and this, Jason assures me, is why she panicked. She is clearly appalled and disgusted.
Rubbing my chest, I decide it is time. Time to give Vivi her gift. I head down the sandy beach, feeling the thrum of my khui in there. It grew quiet earlier, sending me into a panic until the a’ani Thrand mentioned that Vivi had gone hunting with his mate Nadine. She must have been out of range, but she is back now, because my chest is full of song once more. I head toward the fire, ready to confront the strongest, most perfect of females and to demand—no, ask—that she be mine.
This section of the beach is full of activity. There are females showing others how to sew leathers, and another is mixing a smelly dye concoction over a small fire. The main fire has food cooking and many people around it. Sabrina is deep in conversation with I’rec, Kyth standing near her. Valmir and Chalath are discussing weapons with Vordis and Raahosh. Two males skin their catches and show children how to butcher them, and someone else is laying seaweed out to dry on a rack. Everywhere here, people are laughing and talking, chatting despite their chores.