I do not see Vivi, but then again, she would not be in the thick of things. It is not her way.
So I head through the thick of things, not stopping to join the weapons conversation (though I would love to) or to pause to eat a quick meal by the main fire. I do not stop to tell I’rec that I have made the best hut, though I know I have. I do not challenge any males to a skirmish, though I know Valmir is itching for a fight. Vivi is the most important thing.
There, at the far end of camp, past the latrine huts and near the tiny cave where B’shit does pottery, my beautiful, strong mate is talking with a dark-skinned female. Thrand’s mate. They test the bend of long, pipe-like reeds and gesture at the length. Her back is to me, and she has not noticed my approach.
I stride boldly forward, my khui’s song loud and intense. “I must speak to the best female on the planet.”
Vivi stiffens, and Nadine hides a smile. My mate turns to look at me, a betrayed look on her face. “I’m busy, Skarr.”
“It’s all right,” Nadine says, putting the pole back in its place against the rocky cliff once more. “I should be getting back to Thrand and Deenie. Can you put these in the cave when you’re done looking at them? We can regroup in the morning.”
She nods at Nadine, not making eye contact with me as the other woman strides away. This is not how I’d hoped my approach would be welcomed, but it is also not surprising. Vivi is displeased with me, and this just confirms it. I do not please her as a mate, and the realization is crushing. I do not understand it. I am an excellent fighter and I know I will be among the best of the hunters. Yet she still does not want me. It fills me with despair.
Vivi puts the reeds back in place and gives me a wary look. “Do you have to do that?”
I am puzzled. “Do what?”
“Keep going on and on about how I’m the best female ever? To everyone?”
This offends her? “But why wouldn’t I? They should know how amazing you are.”
“I’m not amazing!” She makes a frustrated sound. “Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because it is obvious you are! If they do not see that, then they are fools.”
She smacks a hand to her forehead. “You going around and saying shit like that is going to make everyone look at me funny.”
“Then let them look! What does it matter?”
“It matters to me!”
“Why?”
She pauses and stares at me, as if the answer should be obvious. But it is not, not to me, so I gesture for her to explain. Vivi sputters, gesticulating. “I…I don’t know! I don’t like attention!”
“Why?” I prompt again.
“Because….because I don’t know who I am,” she replies after a moment. “Because they’ll see me as a fraud. You keep saying I’m amazing and when I’m not, they’ll make fun of me.”
“No they won’t. They will mock me, not you, if they think I am wrong.” I shrug. “And I will not care, because I know I am right. To me, you are the most incredible female, with a sharp mind, a lovely body, and a strong spirit. No one can convince me otherwise.”
Her shoulders sag and she sighs. “Oh, Skarr.”
That sounded…oddly sad, and the last thing I wish is to make her sad. “Come with me,” I say, waving her forward. “I wish to show you something.”
Vivi’s expression changes to one of skepticism, and she shakes her head, turning back to the poles. She lines them up against the rocks, pretending to be busy. “Why should I? After you’ve ignored me for days?”
My chest puffs up with pride. So she did see I was avoiding her? “You noticed my absence?”
Running her fingernail along a hairline crack, she pulls one pole to the side and barely glances at me, and yet I can tell I have her full attention. She is just pretending not to be affected by me. It is a feint, a fantastic strategy to lure in an opponent. Or it would be if her khui was not singing to mine so boldly.
Vivi rubs her chest, as if coming to the same realization, and frowns over at me. “Of course I noticed. I notice everything you do. We’re resonating. I was just waiting for you to come and talk to me in private.” Her gaze flicks to mine, accusing. “And you never did.”
Wait.
She wanted my attention?
I am stunned. How could I have misread her signals so badly? “I did not know, Vivi. I thought you wanted me to leave you alone.”
She gives up any pretense of selecting the poles and turns to face me. “How could you not know what I wanted, Skarr? I’ve told you over and over how much I like privacy. How much I hate it when you bring things up in front of everyone. Why would you think I’d want to talk to you in front of everyone? I left each time you came to the fire so we could talk. So you could come to me.”
“I…I…” I trail off, speechless.
I am stunned. I pride myself on my cleverness, and yet I have missed this entirely. I thought she wished for me to leave her alone because I was not worthy of her attentions. That I should work harder to become worthy.
But we have clearly misunderstood each other and in doing so, I have wounded her. Made her think I did not care.
“Vivi,” I breathe. “Do not think that I avoided you because I wished to. It was agony to know you were close by and that I should stay away. It is just…” I dig my hands in my hair, frustrated. “I know how to please a crowd, yes? I know how to make the audience get on my side. And I know one of the biggest things is that when the crowd is turning against you, you lay low. You make yourself scarce until you can return with something that will impress them and bring them back to your side.”
She crosses her arms over her chest, her expression vulnerable.
“I do not know how to please a female, to please you. That much is obvious. So I have fallen back on my training. I have approached you—us—as if you were a tournament battle. I thought if, perhaps, I was not around, you would forget why you hated me until I returned—”
“I don’t hate you. Why does everyone think I hate you?”
I grin, hiding behind cocky words. “Because you do not swoon in my arms?”
Vivi rolls her eyes and gives me an annoyed look. “Remember what I said about everyone being in our business? This is why I hate it.”
I don’t point out that she ran away from me. It seems not wise to point that out in this moment. “Well, I am here now, and I have returned with something I wish to show you.” I reach out and take her hand in mine. “May I please show you?”
“You don’t have to bribe me. Just talk to me.” Her expression is soft now as she leans in toward me. “You and I probably have a lot of talking we need to do.”
“Talk. Yes. Talk is good.” I tug on her hand. “But may I show you first?”
“Show me what?”
I grin, delighted. I know she will love this. It will make her realize what a good mate I will be for her. I cannot wait to show her the new hut. “Come. I will lead you.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
VIVI
Skarr leads me down the beach, holding tightly to my hand as if he fears to let go. As if he’s afraid I’ll run away if he releases me.
While I think it’d be more productive for us to have a good, honest conversation, I let him tug me along. It’s clear whatever he wants to show me has a lot of meaning for him, so I can do this. After days of avoiding each other out of sheer misunderstanding, I’m just relieved we’re clearing the air, bit by bit.