Lisa could only imagine what it must have been like… Animal abusing his consenting girlfriend, getting off on it, Alex filming it, recognizing something in Animal that he could use…
Animal continued the narrative, shattering the image in her mind, replacing it with something more gruesome. Her first earth-shattering orgasm with me was when she introduced me to blood sports. V were at her place one night, and she opened a slim mahogany case that was lined with red crushed velvet and showed me a scalpel. She told me exactly what to do, coached me exactly how to cut through the top layer of skin on her lower back. First I tied her up, then I inserted a ball gag in her mouth. I flogged her back and she got wet instantly even as she bled. Then she cried out for me to cut her. I drew the blade across her back and finger-fucked her. She had the most earth-shattering orgasm I'd ever seen anybody have before. She actually cried afterward, and at first I thought I'd really hurt her. I actually apologized to her! Can you imagine that?
Of course, I didn't have to apologize for anything. She wasn't crying because I had hurt her… she was crying out of sheer joy! Sheer ecstasy! And even better, what we'd done together had really turned me on more than I ever imagined! I actually came! It was the first time I had come without having my dick stroked or sucked or stimulated by a clenching pussy."
Animal began pacing the room again, and Lisa watched him, hands tied behind her back, legs lashed together, sitting on the bare mattress in the shabby little room. She took in what Animal was telling her, and she supposed if she hadn't been in the position she was in now, that if this were a scene in a movie and she were watching it, she'd turn the TV off, unable to watch any more. Not able to listen to the atrocities this man was claiming to take part in. But now she listened intently, part of her deeply afraid, another part of her searching for a way to escape, to find a way out of her predicament.
'That cut on her back was the first I put on her, but it wouldn't be the last," Animal continued. "Susan told me later that she had been into the pleasures of pain for as long as she could remember. Her family background was similar to mine. Her parents didn't abuse her, Daddy never tried to have his way with her, she never had abusive boyfriends. She just liked pain. She told me about the people she met at the underground parties like the one she took me to. That they were just feeding off of each other, like they were willingly carrying out this symbiotic relationship. She had to get what she needed from the more hardcore freaks, though, the people that were into mutilation. The more she played out scenes with them, the more hardcore it got for her. She showed me this huge scar that ran from her belly to just below her breasts; it was from a burn. She told me that most people who are into heat playing won't burn the skin due to the medical consequences, but she wasn't getting anything out of a simple first-degree burn. She said she had to actually scream at her partner to hold the flame to her skin until she orgasmed " Animal smiled. "Aside from the night I first cut her, that had been her most intense sexual experience."
Lisa thought about some of the S&M imagery she had seen in the kind of magazines one found among the fetish racks at newsstands; images of men and women in skintight black leather or rubber clothing, their faces and heads covered in black leather masks, only their eyes and nostrils exposed slightly, a small opening along the mouth with a zipper to allow for closure; half-naked people in leather and chains and bondage harnesses; women tied up to racks with ball gags in their mouths, their eyes wide open and pleading, No don't, please don't hurt me, but at the same time saying, Yes, do it to me, do it to me doittome-
Use me, hurt me, abuse me. Do whatever you want with me.
"1 thought about the people I had met at the underground parties we attended! Animal stopped pacing; he stood by the boarded-up window, peeking outside between the nailed up two-by-fours and strips of plywood.1 thought about the scenes I had seen them play out. I remember watching a man in a black leather hood draw blood from his slave with a syringe and then feed it to her. I fantasized about being him at that moment, wielding such incredible power over this person. I remember watching a gay couple, the dom cutting his slave with a scalpel and then sucking the blood from the wound as his partner writhed in pleasure, and I wondered what the blood tasted like. I got hard watching all these scenes being played out before me. I thought about the extreme hardcore films that were screened at these parties, watching women and men scream in pain as their doms pulled at pierced labias and scrotums, stretching the fragile skin to the point that it began to bleed and they began begging for mercy. I imagined myself doing that to those people, and the more I thought about it the more excited I became. I thought about the first snuff film I saw at the last party Susan and I attended, in which a young black girl who looked like a homeless junkie was fucked to death with a baseball bat in an abandoned warehouse. I remember watching it with bated breath-1 don't think anybody breathed while we were watching that thing. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. All I could do was imagine myself doing what her killer was doing, working the fat end of the baseball bat in and out of her as she screamed in pain and died."
Animal turned to her, and Lisa felt her stomach crumble into crushed ice. There was no sense of guilt or sorrow in his face over what he had witnessed, no sense of horror at watching other human beings being tortured and abused, thrown away like trash. She didn't know what to say-how does one respond to somebody who relates such things as pleasurable, who now has your life in their hands?
"Do you understand what I'm telling you? When I cut her skin and she screamed in a mixture of pain and pleasure, it made me feel good. When I branded my name into her flesh with a piece of hot metal and she passed out from the intensity of the orgasm, I felt an extreme sense of power. I'd never had power over anything in my life before, and with her giving me blanket permission to indulge in her freely, knowing it pleased her so much, gave me a sense of empowerment I never thought I would have. Susan changed me, and at the same time what we did during the last month of our relationship was to spell the end of it as well."
He stopped, turned toward the boarded-up window as if he was looking outside. Lisa waited, heart thumping in her chest, her stomach churning in grave anticipation to what was coming next.
"She finally told me what her ultimate fantasy was," he whispered. "She told me because she could tell that I was ready to hear it, and she felt that I was the only man who could give it to her. She could tell I was ready. When she told me. " He paused, as if trying to search for the right words to continue."… at first I didn't want to do it. I thought we… that she… was going too far. She tried to convince me that it was okay, that it was what she really wanted, and I got angry. I got dressed and she chased after me in the apartment, pleading for me to stay. What she was asking… I never thought I could do it, especially to her. I thought if I went through it that it would be over for me, that I would no longer have an outlet for my pleasure."
Lisa couldn't take it anymore. "What did she want you to do?"
Animal turned toward her, his features pensive, reflective. "She wanted to be tortured and killed in a snuff film; he said, the words rolling off his tongue as nonchalantly as if he were telling her about a family get-together or a weekend golf game. "She wanted me to be the one to do it to her, to share with her what was to be her ultimate pleasure…. her greatest orgasm ever, achieved at the instant of death. Eros and Thanatos, sex and death. And she wanted it captured on videotape so that her greatest pleasure would live on."