During the past two weeks, she had been brooding and silent. She went back to work after a week, but managed only one full day of work before asking for a onemonth leave of absence. She was still traumatized by the incident, and she needed time to get herself together. Her boss, George Brooks, had been absent from the office on a business trip when she returned, so the request had gone to one of the other partners. The leave was granted and she spent her days in front of the television, watching talk show after talk show, her mind always elsewhere. Her nerves were always twisting and turning in on themselves, her mind weighing heavily on what she had done to save herself and her and Brad's unborn baby.
Brad was looking at her from across the living room. "Are you sure you don't want me to call that therapist Detective Morse recommended? I can make an appointment for the both of us."
Lisa stared blankly at the television. "1 don't know," she said morosely. "Let me think about it."
Brad regarded her silently. In the days that had fol lowed the nightmare, Brad had been overwhelmed with joy at having her back. He was also overwhelmed with joy at the news of her pregnancy. He had been so happy that he'd gone bustling around the house rearranging things, making plans to turn the spare bedroom into a nursery, talking to her about starting up a college fund. Lisa hadn't told Brad yet about the money she had taken out of their savings account and her IRA; she had intercepted both pieces of mail from the bank verifying the transactions, and she supposed she would have to tell him something eventually. After all, he would notice. She just wasn't sure when she should tell him about what really happened. She had to make sure that if she did he would abide by her wishes and not tell anybody. He would have to agree that they go away, that they pack up and leave and start a new life somewhere far away.
Become new people, with new identities. They could do it.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk to me?" Brad asked, scooting closer to her on the sofa. His features were soft and open. "You look like you have a lot on your mind you want to talk about."_
She looked up at him and forced a smile. "I'm fine… really, I'm fine. It's just..-."
"It's still on your mind? Isn't it?"
Lisa nodded, mouth set in a bloodless grimace. Her stomach rolled in her belly and the nausea returned. Morning sickness, she thought, as the next wave hit her deep, making her cringe. It's just morning sickness that's making me feel so bad, that's all, just-
If it was morning sickness, she had been having it since the day Brad picked her up at USC Medical Center. If it was morning sickness, it hit her strongest whenever she thought about what she had done to save herself and their unborn baby.
The guilt was weighing down heavily on her more and more as the days went by.
And with it came the pain in her abdomen.
The only reason she was alive today was that her abductors had found another to take her place. To spare her life, and the life of the unborn baby growing in her womb, she had offered Alicia and her baby girl Mandy as ritual sacrifices. The image that stayed in her mind the most was the look on Alicia's face when Lisa had surprised her near the entrance of the same restaurant she and Brad had met her. That look of surprise as Alicia recognized her, the look of hope flooding her features as she swallowed the story Animal told her-that he was a friend of Lisa and Brad's, and that the three of them had done some thinking and decided to put Alicia and her baby up in a motel until she could get on her feet. All she needed to do was follow them this way-Brad was waiting in the car-and then the look of utter surprise as they got to the van and Tim popped out from behind the door as Animal ushered Alicia inside, clamping the chloroform-drenched rag over her mouth and nose, pushing her inside the van, Lisa grabbing the handle of the baby's car seat before it could crash to the ground. For a brief instant, she glimpsed the expression on Alicia's face and her eyes seemed to light on Lisa's, terrorstricken and asking Why?
It was that look she had to ignore as she'd fought Animal for her life outside the van.
That look on Alicia's face was on Lisa's mind constantly now. It chased her into the night, keeping her from sleep.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything?" Brad asked again.
Lisa shook her head, fighting back the tears. She wanted so much to tell him everything, but she was afraid.
If you tell anybody-and / mean anybody-/ will fucking find you, and you and your family are going to wind up as playthings for Animal in a film. You got that?
1 just wanted to save my baby…
Lisa felt the tears coming. "No. " she said, her voice trembling. "No.. "
The look in Alicia's eyes before the chloroform rendered her unconscious. Why?
The screaming of Alicia's infant daughter, Mandy, growing dim as Lisa ran away from the van… the thought of that baby crying as Tim drove away, the sound of that baby's cries still lingering in her haunted mind.
Lisa began to cry, deep sobs that burst from her gut. She doubled over from the force of them. She had only wanted to save her own baby. She had only wanted to save the wonderful life she was building with Brad. She had only wanted to give her own unborn baby-tea baby she and Brad had sacrificed so much for and had gone through hell to conceive-a chance at life. 'chinking about this, thinking about the fact that she had so easily turned Tim and his murderous group onto an innocent woman and her infant daughter, all to appease the faceless group of perverts who paid big money to satisfy their sadistic urges, was more devastating to her than she had ever expected.
"Lisa" Brad's voice was filled with concern. He knelt down beside her, touching her knee gently. "Hey, it's okay, honey. You're safe now. Everything's going to be all right!
Lisa shook her head, the tears flowing more freely now. The sobs were coming from deep within her, pouring from the depths of her soul. "No, it's not." She felt an other sudden pain in her abdomen, this one more penetrating, and she began to cry harder. It was a cry of loss. "No, it's not going to be all right. It's never going to be all right"
Lisa Miller was beginning to bleed.
After they returned home from the hospital to deal with the miscarriage shortly after midnight, Lisa Miller told her husband what really happened.
Everything.
Part Two
DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS
Nineteen
"Please don't say anything!" Lisa was crying. She had been crying for the past thirty minutes as she spun the narrative out.
Brad hadn't been able to sit still through Lisa's sudden confession. He had paced the floor of the master bedroom where Lisa was lying in bed, feeling his shock, fear, and anger grow as the story went from its harrowing beginnings to its desperate conclusion.
"Please don't hate me!" Lisa cried. She buried her face in her hands, bawling.
"Honey," Brad said. He went to her bedside and tried to take her in his arms as she sat hunched over. "I could never hate you."
"I killed them!" she cried.
"Lisa," Brad began. He didn't know what to say. He was at a loss for words.
killed them!" Lisa said. She pounded the mattress with her fist over and over. "I killed them and our child is dead and it's my fault!"
"It is not your fault!" Feeling a sudden burst of anger at the man who had been responsible for the near murder of his wife, Brad gripped Lisa's shoulders. "Look at me!"
Lisa raised her tear-streaked face to his. She had been crying for days, and her face was red and damp. Brad looked into her eyes, gripping her upper arms firmly. "You did not kill them. They killed them, not you. You tried to save Alicia and Mandy. Okay?"