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Monday if I don’t talk to you before you go to the hospital.”

Judith clicked the phone off and reached for her address book on the kitchen counter. She ought to know

Effie McMonigle’s number by heart, but she didn’t.

Ever since Dan’s death eleven years earlier, Judith had

called his mother once a month. But somehow the

number wouldn’t stick in her brain. Maybe it was like

Gertrude not speaking directly to Joe; maybe Judith

hoped that if she kept forgetting Effie’s number, her

former mother-in-law would go away, too, and take all

the unhappy memories of Dan with her.

SUTURE SELF

13

Effie was home. She usually was. A nurse by profession, she resided in a retirement community outside

Phoenix. In the nineteen years that Judith and Dan had

been married, Effie had visited only three times—once

for the wedding, once when Mike was born, and once

for Dan’s funeral. Effie was a sun-worshiper. She

couldn’t stand the Pacific Northwest’s gray skies and

rainy days. She claimed to become depressed. But Judith felt Effie was always depressed—and depressing.

Sunshine didn’t seem to improve her pessimistic

attitude.

“Another baby?” Effie exclaimed when Judith relayed the news. “So soon? Oh, what bad planning!”

“But Mac will be two in June,” Judith put in. “The

children will be close enough in age to be playmates

and companions.”

“They’ll fight,” Effie declared in her mournful

voice. “Especially if it’s another boy.”

“Siblings always fight,” Judith countered. “I guess.”

She had to admit to herself that she really didn’t know.

Judith and Renie had both been only children, and

while they occasionally quarreled in their youth, they

had grown to be as close, if not closer, than sisters.

“When are they coming to see me?” Effie demanded. “Mike and Kristy have only been here twice

since Mac was born.”

“It’s Kristin,” Judith said wearily. “I’m not sure

when they’ll be able to travel. With the new baby on

the way, they’ll probably wait.”

“Oh, sure.” Effie emitted a sour snort. “I haven’t had

a new picture of Mac in ages. I’m not even sure what

he looks like these days.”

“I thought Mike and Kristin sent you a picture of the

whole family at Christmastime.”

14

Mary Daheim

“They did?” Effie paused. “Oh, that picture. It

wasn’t very good of any of them. I can’t see the slightest resemblance to my darling Dan in either Mike or

Mac. If they both didn’t have my red hair, I’d have to

wonder.”

As well you might, Judith thought, and was ashamed

of the spite she felt inside. “Mac doesn’t look like me,

either,” she said in an attempt to make amends.

“When are you coming down to see me?” Effie

queried.

“Not for a while,” Judith admitted. Indeed, she was

ashamed of herself for not having paid Effie a visit

since the year after Dan died. “It’s so hard for me to get

away with the B&B, and now I’m facing surgery Monday.”

“For what?” Effie sounded very cross.

“A hip replacement,” Judith said, gritting her teeth.

“I told you about it on the phone a couple of weeks

ago. I wrote it in my Christmas letter. I think I mentioned it in my Thanksgiving card.”

“Oh, that hip replacement,” Effie sniffed. “I thought

you’d already had it. What’s taking you so long?”

“It’s the surgery scheduling,” Judith responded patiently. “They have to book so far ahead. You know

how it is. You used to work in a hospital.”

“Hunh. It was different then. Doctors didn’t try to

squeeze in so many procedures or squeeze so much

money out of their patients,” Effie asserted. “Medical

practice today is a scandal. You’ll be lucky if you get

out alive.”

Judith glanced at the morning paper on the kitchen

table. It contained a brief item about an autopsy being

performed on Joan Fremont. In the sports section,

there was a story about possible trades to replace the

SUTURE SELF

15

Seafarers’ ace pitcher, Joaquin Somosa. At last Effie

McMonigle had said something that Judith didn’t feel

like contradicting.

Some people weren’t lucky. They didn’t get out of

the hospital alive.

All Judith could hope was that she and Renie

wouldn’t be among the unlucky ones.

TWO

JUDITH’S SURGERY WAS scheduled for eight-thirty on

Monday. Renie’s was set for nine-fifteen. Joe and

Bill delivered their wives to admitting at the same

time. The cousins had worn out the phone lines over

the weekend encouraging each other and trying to

make light of any potential dangers.

Their husbands chimed in. “Hey, Bill,” Joe said,

“we could have hurried this up by driving together

and dumping the old, crippled broads from a speeding car.”

“You already called the girls?” Bill said with a

straight face.

“You bet,” Joe replied. “Chesty and Miss Bottoms. They’re rarin’ to go.”

“Not funny,” Judith muttered.

“Nothing’s funny this early in the morning,”

snarled Renie, who usually didn’t get up until ten

o’clock.

Nor did Good Cheer Hospital’s forbidding exterior live up to its name. Built shortly after the turn

of the last century, the large, dark redbrick edifice

with its looming dome and wrought-iron fences

looked more like a medieval castle than a haven for

healing. Judith half expected to wait for a draw-SUTURE SELF

17

bridge to come down before driving over a moat into

the patient drop-off area.

Renie, who was bundled up in a purple hooded coat,

shuddered as she got out of the Joneses’ Toyota Camry.

“Why couldn’t we go to our HMO’s hospital? This

place looks like a morgue.”

“Don’t say that,” Judith retorted as Joe helped her into

the wheelchair. To make matters worse, it was a damp,

dark morning with the rain coming down in straight,

steady sheets. “You know why we’re here. Our HMO

doesn’t do orthopedic surgeries anymore. All the hospitals are consolidating their services to save money.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Renie said with an ominous glance at

the double doors that automatically opened upon their

approach. “It just looks so gloomy. And bleak.”

“It’s still a Catholic hospital,” Bill Jones pointed out

as he helped Renie through the entrance. “That should

be some consolation.”

“Why?” Renie shot back. “The pope’s not going to

operate on my shoulder.”

Bill wore his familiar beleaguered expression when

dealing with his sometimes unreasonable wife, but

said nothing as they waited for Joe to wheel Judith inside. The hospital’s interior looked almost as old as its

exterior. Over the years, the Sisters of Good Cheer had

put all their money into equipment and staff. As long

as the building was structurally sound and hygienically

safe, the nuns saw no reason to waste funds on cosmetic improvements. Thus, great lengths of pipes were

exposed, door frames were the original solid stained

wood, and though the walls had been repainted many

times, the color remained the same institutional shade