“Would you have ever done what he did?” she persisted.
“Hell no. But maybe I’m more of a selfish bastard than he is. Maybe he feels like he’s doing what’s best for you. I, on the other hand, would go to hell and back before I ever willingly gave you to another man. I let you go once, Ren. If you think I’m just going to stand back and let you walk away this time, you’re mistaken. I’ll fight with everything I have.”
The determined words slipped into the tiny cracks in her heart like alcohol over a cut.
“He didn’t fight for me,” she whispered. “He just let me go. Like you did before.”
“I’m not letting you go now, Ren. I’m here. Have you ever considered that Lucas is merely giving you space so that you can make a choice? It chaps my ass to give him any credit whatsoever, but I believe he just wants you to be happy. He damn sure didn’t give you to me because he has any love for me.”
Ren pulled her head back again and then reached up to touch Cole’s face. She traced his bone structure and feathered her fingertip over his mouth.
“Yes, he gave me to you for two weeks. He knows I loved you. And he wants me to make a choice? Has it ever occurred to either of you that no matter who I chose, I would be devastated?”
Cole frowned.
“I feel manipulated, Cole. I feel like I’m being told that this should be easy. I’ve been with Lucas for a year. I trust him every bit as much as I trusted you when we were together. I loved you with all my heart. I was crushed when you left me. What Lucas and I have is undefinable. What you and I had was equally undefinable. I’m supposed to spend two weeks with you and then cheerfully choose between two men who’ve meant more to me than any other man I’ve ever had a relationship with?”
“I can’t keep you here against your will,” Cole said quietly. “I won’t stop you if you walk out the door.”
It wasn’t what she’d expected him to say. Her shoulders sagged like deflated balloons. She rolled onto her back to stare at the ceiling. He’d put the ball in her court. It was true. She may cede all the power in the relationship to a man, but it was her choice.
“Make your decision, Ren. I’ll give you tonight to deal with your upset. I’ll expect your decision in the morning. If you choose to go, I’ll make sure you get to where you want to go.”
She reached up to touch her neck where the collar had rested for the last year. Her fingers trembled against her bare skin. “And if I stay?”
“If you stay, you’ll submit to me. Without reservation. Without question. You’ll be mine for the entire two weeks.”
“And what then?”
He rolled onto his side so that he faced her. She glanced over to see the intensity reflected in those blue pools.
“Then you have a decision to make.”
CHAPTER 17
Cole made no move toward her even though they slept in the same bed. He made no demands of her. In fact, he didn’t so much as touch her.
After he’d told her she had a decision to make, he’d simply rolled over, turned off the lamp and then settled down to sleep. She, on the other hand, remained awake, staring into the darkness as she contemplated her circumstances.
She was completely befuddled by the turn of events. When Lucas had first told her that he was giving her to Cole, her emotions had been in a whirlwind.
Nothing had been right ever since that night at The House when Cole had walked back into her life.
It was hard to see past her hurt and betrayal, but after an entire night staring at the ceiling, she was beginning to realize what Lucas must have seen in her. And why he’d made the decision he made.
Lucas wasn’t the type to demand attention. Or loyalty. If you were with him, yes, absolutely he expected your entire focus, your loyalty and obedience. But he wasn’t going to make you do anything you weren’t committed to.
He must have known what Cole’s reappearance had done to her. Her distraction wouldn’t have pleased him. What surprised her more was the way he’d handled it. With such gentleness and understanding.
Wasn’t he angry? Was he afraid of losing her? Or was he resigned? Or did he even care about the outcome?
Or had he, like Ren feared, simply decided it was time for him to move on?
And if that was the case, why was she expending so much mental anguish over his defection?
Because you love him.
The admission frightened her. She hadn’t allowed herself to love anyone since Cole. And it wasn’t so much that Cole had ruined her for men for all time, blah blah. She’d been with several men since Cole. Men who had satisfied her. Men who hadn’t even come close. The usual mixture of winners and losers in a woman’s life.
It was just that no one had known her like Cole had. No one had managed to reach inside the very heart of her like Cole had. Not until Lucas. And she wasn’t even sure he’d tried. He just did. He got her.
And if she loved Lucas, which she was now pretty certain she did, why had seeing Cole again put her into such a tailspin?
Because you love him too.
Or at least she loved the man Cole had been. She loved the memory of who he’d been and what he’d meant to her. Who was to say he was still that same man?
Who was to say he wasn’t even better?
Tears of frustration bit at her eyelids. She’d expended more emotion in the last days than she had in years. She’d always been careful to keep herself firmly in check. Calm. Measured. She didn’t like feeling distraught and out of control.
She understood—or at least thought she understood—Lucas’s decision now. He wanted her to face her past. He wanted her to deal with the issue of Cole before she could move forward. With Lucas.
It was either that or he’d seized the opportunity to make sure Ren was cared for before moving on as he had in so many other relationships.
She wasn’t sure what about Lucas made it impossible for him to commit to a longstanding relationship. He’d been up front with her from the beginning that their arrangement wasn’t permanent, that it couldn’t be.
But as time went on and he seemed content, she put it out of her mind that it was a temporary arrangement.
She’d let her guard down. She’d allowed herself to fall for a man she couldn’t have.
Stupid.
She turned slightly to stare at the back of Cole’s head as pale light softened the room through the curtains. Cole wanted her. She couldn’t lie to herself that she didn’t still have strong feelings for him. She did.
He’d laid it out plainly for her. He wanted her. He would fight for her. He’d never give her to another man as Lucas had.
He’d also offer her the kind of relationship she wanted and needed. Wouldn’t he?
She had two weeks to find out. Two weeks in which to explore a relationship with Cole and to determine whether or not Lucas would come back for her.
And yeah, then she’d have a decision to make. A decision that already sent pain through her heart.
She felt him leave the bed. He was quiet so as not to awaken her, but then she still hadn’t slept. Her back was to him and she briefly closed her eyes, not yet wanting him to know she was awake. When she heard him go into the bathroom she opened her eyes and took in a deep breath.
For the next two weeks she would be his. There would be no half measures. Not sorta kinda or in between. That kind of relationship or agreement would never fulfill her. She needed—she craved—full possession. The safety and security of a completely dominant lover.
She needed the structure and rigidity but she also needed a man who knew when not to push too hard. Lucas had been that man. But so had Cole.