“Son of a bitch,” Cole bit out. “Did he hurt you, Ren? Physically, I mean?”
She shook her head. “I can take care of myself, though that’s probably hard for you to believe. I was appalled at myself for putting up with his shit for as long as I did. I don’t even know why I did. He was there, he was comfortable—for a while—and I didn’t feel quite so alone when I was with him. At first anyway. After a while I think I felt even lonelier when I was with him simply because I knew the relationship was a disaster.”
She waved her hand again and shook her head. “Anyway, to make a long story short, I packed my shit and got my own hotel room. The next night I went to a club because I love music and I love to dance and I just wanted to lose myself for a while. I didn’t want to have to think or feel. The very last thing I wanted was to hook up with another guy, but I met Lucas and I’m still not sure what happened exactly. He took me home with him and I’ve been with him ever since.”
There was a hell of a lot she was glossing over. He let her eat and he concentrated on his own food for a while before he gently turned the conversation back to Lucas.
Ren sighed. “I used him. At first, I mean. He knew it. I knew it. He didn’t seem to mind and I was honest with him. But he helped me pick up the pieces and he gave me back something that I’d been missing since the whole incident with Mom and Dad in Nashville. He gave me back myself. My confidence. My sense of identity and he let me know it was okay to be me and he refused to let me apologize for who I was or what I wanted.”
He wanted to hate the bastard. He really did. But damn it, he’d taken care of Ren when she needed it the most. How could he hold that against Lucas? If it weren’t for Lucas she might still be out in L.A. or Vegas or stuck in some horrible relationship with some bastard who didn’t treat her like the treasure she was.
The thought made him ill. The idea that he owed Lucas a hell of a lot of gratitude made him more ill at ease. He wasn’t even going to get into what he owed Lucas for these two weeks because he was going to be a complete bastard and fight for Ren with everything he had.
“The really bad thing was that before Grant and before that mess with Mom and Dad, I was perfectly comfortable in my skin. So it wasn’t like I didn’t know how to be okay with who I was or that I lacked self-confidence. I just lost it for a while and I had to find it again. In some ways I think I would have been more forgiving if I’d always been insecure and uncertain.”
The self-condemnation in her voice made him ache. “You’re being too hard on yourself, darling. You didn’t lose yourself for long and despite what you may tell yourself, there is no way you’ll ever make me believe that you wouldn’t have eventually gotten it all back without Lucas. I’m sure he helped and I’m glad he was there at a time you needed him. But I know you. You may have had a setback but no way would you have remained that shell of yourself for long.”
Her smile was more crooked this time. She perched her elbow on the table and cupped her chin in her palm as she stared over at him.
“You’re very good for my ego, Cole Madison.”
“And you’re just good for me, Ren Michaels.”
Her mischievous grin was back and her cheek dimpled as her smile broadened. Some of the fire was back in her eyes and they twinkled with silent laughter.
“Let’s go do something fun.”
“Like?”
Her grin deepened. “Oh, I don’t know. You’re pretty handy with rope.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “Let’s get out of here. I’m sure I’ll think of something we can do.”
She frowned as he rose from his chair. “What about the check?”
He held out his hand to help her up. “On my tab.”
She wiped her hands and then slipped her fingers around his, allowing him to pull her to her feet. He kept hold as they made their way to the front. At the door he stopped long enough to help her into her light jacket and then they stepped outside.
He started ahead of her when she suddenly pounced on him from behind. She scaled his back and wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling close to his ear.
In retaliation, he spun her around until she laughed and begged him to stop before she upchucked her lunch. He gripped her underneath her knees, hoisted her higher and took off toward the car.
She bounced and laughed the entire way and he grinned, letting her happiness wash over him like the sun. They probably looked like idiots, but he didn’t give a damn. He’d give just about anything to hear her laugh so freely.
They were nearly to his car when a silver Mercedes pulled into the parking spot in front of them. Cole halted in his tracks when Lucas stepped out of the car. His cool gaze slid over Cole and Ren and then he looked beyond them toward the restaurant entrance.
Ren went completely still. So silent he couldn’t even hear her breathe.
Without a word, Lucas walked past them. No acknowledgment. Not a single word of greeting. Ren’s intake of breath was sharp in Cole’s ear. Her distress radiated in waves and Cole bit back a string of curses before they could escape his lips.
CHAPTER 26
For the space of a moment, Ren’s gaze locked with Lucas’s. She went still against Cole and her heart leapt into her throat. Then Lucas looked past her. No acknowledgment. She could have been a stranger on the street.
He walked by. She turned but he didn’t look back. Coldness crept through her body until she was numb with it. She let herself slide from Cole’s back and would have ended up on her knees on the hard, cracked pavement of the parking lot if Cole hadn’t caught her.
“Come, Ren,” Cole said, his voice quiet and soothing in her ear. But firm. She didn’t even think of disobeying as he gently helped her to her feet and guided her toward his car.
She looked back again, though she hated the weakness that made her do it. Lucas had disappeared into the restaurant. What was he doing here? They’d never come here together. She’d never been here even once until today when Cole had brought her for lunch.
How could he look through her like she was nothing?
She hastily wiped her burning eyes, determined that she wouldn’t let Cole see what her encounter—or non-encounter—with Lucas had done to her. Then she nearly laughed because there was no hiding her devastation.
“How could he?” she choked out as Cole closed his door, sealing them into the interior of his car. “Oh God, Cole, how could he just walk by me like that?”
Cole had no answer. He merely started the engine and backed out of his space before roaring out of the lot. The drive home was silent and tense. Cole stared straight ahead, his jaw tight. He looked …angry. At her?
Her reaction had not only been undisciplined and disloyal—to Cole—but it had also been a slap in his face. She couldn’t blame him if he wanted nothing more to do with her.
She turned to stare out the window as she felt the betraying slide of tears down her cheeks. Even as she wiped them with her palm, more dampness replaced what she took away.
She hated herself for caring. She had Cole. Cole who adored her. Cole who would do anything to make her happy. And yet she’d allowed Lucas to hurt her and in doing so, she’d betrayed her agreement with Cole.
Caught between two men. Belonging to both and yet to neither. It was the most horrible place she could ever imagine.
When they arrived back at Cole’s house, she opened her door as soon as the car stopped and fled toward the house. She couldn’t bear to face Cole. Couldn’t bear the disappointment in his eyes—or the anger.
At first she wasn’t sure where she should go. She had no real identity in this big house, as roomy and as comfortable as it was. It was Cole’s home. Not hers. But her belongings were in Cole’s bedroom. In his closet.