“I did this for you, Ren. Only for you. I have no intention of leaving you. Ever. Do you understand that? Do you know what it is I’m really saying? Because I don’t think you do. These two weeks have been hell for me and I’ve counted every goddamn minute until I can come reclaim what is mine.”
She couldn’t seem to breathe right. The words registered but she didn’t know quite what to make of them. Relief stormed through her senses. Lucas was here. He hadn’t deserted her. He wanted her back.
Then her stomach dropped. Cole.
Oh God, Cole. Cole whom she loved. Cole who loved her. Cole who she wanted to be with every bit as much as she wanted to be with Lucas.
She turned, her every intention to go back in. To somehow find a way around this mess. But what? How? How could she possibly find a solution? What the hell was she supposed to do?
And then she saw him. Standing on the steps looking at her and Lucas.
Again with that impassive face. Those cool eyes. Barely flickering as his gaze passed over her. She made a sound like the cry of a wounded animal.
“I’ll arrange for your things to be delivered,” he said. “Good-bye, Ren.”
“Good-bye?” she whispered. “But Cole, you said …” She bit her lip painfully not wanting to make a fool of herself. But then what else was there for her? There was no pride in love. She’d already laid herself bare before him. Before both men. “Cole? You promised. You told me we’d find a way.”
But Cole wasn’t listening. He nodded in Lucas’s direction and then simply turned and walked back into the house. Ren’s mouth dropped open and hurt splintered through her, throwing jagged shards into her soul.
She started after him. She had to know why he’d lied. She wanted to know how he could do this again. Why?
Lucas caught her hand and tugged her back. “Come away, Ren. It’s over now.”
“But he said …He promised …,” she choked out in anguish. “I can’t go yet, Lucas. Please.”
She tugged against him, fighting him for the first time ever. Never before had she challenged his dominance. She turned back to the house, trying to get back to Cole even as she stared at the door he’d closed behind him.
Lucas gathered her gently into his arms and steered her toward the passenger seat of the car. He opened the door, got her into the seat and carefully buckled her seat belt. Then he brushed his lips over her forehead.
“I hate myself right now for what I’ve done to you. I never wanted to hurt you. It’s the very last thing I wanted to do. I’m sorry, Ren. Come home with me. Let me make this right.”
She sat numbly in the seat, her gaze fixed on the front door to Cole’s house. He’d come back, right? He’d realize what a terrible error he’d made. He’d remember his promise, wouldn’t he?
Lucas slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine. It roared to life and he began to pull away. Ren turned so she could still see the door, tears streaming down both cheeks.
Please, please come back. Just open the door. I love you.
But it remained solidly shut as Lucas drove away and the door disappeared from view. She turned and bowed her head, allowing her hair to cover her face as she wept silent, aching tears.
Beside her, Lucas reached his hand over and tentatively curled his fingers around hers.
“It will be all right, Ren,” he said softly. “I swear to you, it will be all right.”
She shook her head because it would never be all right.
Cole stood in the upstairs window in brooding silence as he watched Lucas’s car pull away. Then he stared down at the journal in his hand. He had the sudden urge to hurl it across the room but he hugged it close to his chest instead. It was a precious gift and one he’d treasure always.
Ren was gone and she’d left behind a gaping hole in his soul. His heart. His mind. She’d taken the most essential part of himself with her. His love. Always his love.
He’d watched her with Lucas. Seen the relief and the ache in her eyes. Had seen how torn she was the moment she realized that Lucas hadn’t abandoned her. He knew then that he’d lost.
Ren would never choose between the two men and neither were going to let her go. But one of them had to. It was the only way. Ren would tear herself apart and above all, Cole wanted her to be happy.
So he’d made the decision for her. He’d sent her away because it was the only thing for him to do. If he stood and fought for her, even if he won, she’d never be happy with him because Lucas would always be between them.
If he let her go, eventually she’d get over her sense of betrayal, just as she’d done before and Lucas would be there every step of the way. She’d be happy again.
Together they’d both be miserable. Apart, only he would be miserable. It was a hell of a note and two days ago he’d have said that nothing on earth would keep him and Ren apart. But it was a selfish vow and an unrealistic one at that.
He’d been a fool to barge into her life again and manipulate her as he’d done. He knew exactly why Lucas had agreed to the bargain. Lucas had taken a calculated gamble and the bastard had won.
And once again, Cole had lost the only thing that had ever mattered to him.
CHAPTER 34
“Why did you do it?” Ren choked out.
She sat huddled on the couch in Lucas’s home, a home that hadn’t been hers for two weeks. An eternity. She clutched the blanket around her, more for comfort than for true warmth. It was perfectly comfortable in Lucas’s house. As it always was.
She glanced around, half expecting things to be changed. Her presence somehow washed away. But it was still littered with many of the things she and Lucas had chosen together. And there were her things as well. Her books. A purse. A pair of her shoes. A scarf. Things that ordinarily should have been put away, but it was as if he’d left them out as reminders.
Lucas stood staring out the window a short distance away, his body tense and brooding. Silence fell between them and she pushed where before she’d never have dared. She wanted—deserved—an answer.
“Why did you send me to him? If you weren’t tired of me. If you weren’t moving on and seizing the opportunity to make sure I was taken care of. If none of those are the reasons, then why, Lucas?”
He turned then, something fierce flashing in his eyes. “Because I bloody well love you. All right? Happy now that you’ve managed to strip me to the barest of layers? I’m bleeding before you, Ren. I’m as vulnerable as a man can be when the woman he loves sits crying over another man.”
She blinked in astonishment and then she gave him a bewildered look. “I don’t understand. If you loved me then why did you look right through me when I saw you at the restaurant? If you loved me, why on earth would you send me back into the arms of a man who once hurt me so badly? Are you insane?”
He laughed, a dry, humorless laugh that made her wince.
“Insane? That’s one word for it. At the restaurant …Do you even know why I was there?”
She shook her head.
“I was there because I knew it was where you’d be and I wanted just a glance. I wanted to see how you were. If that bastard was taking care of you. And what did I see? I saw you smiling and laughing and looking so damn happy that it damn near killed me. And I knew if I looked at you, I’d damn well be on my knees begging you for forgiveness and asking you to come back with me that minute. But I gave my word and you looked happy,” he said in a bitter voice.
She covered her face with her hands. And then he was there in front of her, kneeling on the floor as he gently pulled her hands away from her face.