“Do you have syrup to put on them?”
“I don’t know.”
A bottle of syrup went into the cart and then a jug of Taylor’s favorite juice.
They arrived back at Shelby’s apartment at the same time as Jake, just emerging from his Jeep parked on the street. She waved at him as she turned into the parking lot.
“Hey,” he said when she climbed out of her car, having followed them. “Where were you? I thought you were baking cookies.”
“We went to McDonald’s!” Taylor jumped out of the car. “And we had to go buy peanut butter.”
Shelby’s eyes met Jake’s and heat washed into her face. A faint smile touched his lips. “Ah,” he said. “Here, let me help.” He reached for the two heavy bags Shelby held and she got the other two out of her trunk.
In her little kitchen, the music of Jason DeRülo played from speakers in her living room as Jake helped unpack the groceries and put them away, and she and Taylor resumed their baking. Shelby moved a little to the music as she found ingredients and set them out and they measured and mixed. She caught Jake’s eye at one point, her mouth curving in response to the half smile he sent her, watching her groove a little.
“If you dip the fork in flour it won’t stick to the cookie dough,” Jake offered helpfully when Taylor had dropped spoonfuls of dough onto the cookie sheet. She was carefully pressing the tines of a fork into the mounds to create a criss-cross pattern but was getting frustrated when the dough stuck. Jake dumped a little flour onto the counter and showed her. Shelby smiled as she watched him, her insides warming at the way he was so…present. He listened to Taylor and helped and made jokes that had them both laughing. It felt like he really wanted to be there, baking cookies with them. Shelby’s hands paused, holding a big mixing bowl, and she swallowed.
Once again she had that strange feeling, almost like fear, her stomach tightening, her skin prickling. What were they doing? This felt so normal and real, and it wasn’t, it shouldn’t be. It couldn’t be.
Shelby was at work Thursday, starting to feel sick because of what she was learning about the intake process that needed to be addressed in her project plan, and also because she hadn’t heard from Jake for a few days. They’d texted back and forth but she was annoyed at herself for caring that much that she hadn’t seen him.
She rubbed at the ache at the back of her neck that was spreading up over her scalp and turning into a headache. This intake process was so screwed up. She’d barely gotten into the process diagnosis phase and was finding all kinds of pathologies in the existing processes. This was going to have huge impact on her project. In fact, this could be a whole project on its own.
But that wasn’t what she’d been told to do. She sighed then reached for her phone when it rang.
“It’s me,” Riley said. “I just heard from Kiara.”
The thickness of her voice told Shelby this wasn’t good. Her stomach immediately clenched so hard it hurt.
“He’s gone,” Riley continued, almost choking on her words. “Adam’s gone.”
“Oh no.” The world slowed to a stop around Shelby, sitting there in her cubicle, everything fading away around her. “Oh no.” Her eyes stung, her throat ached and she pressed a hand to her trembling lips.
“Yeah. This sucks so bad.”
Shelby didn’t even know what to say. “Where is she?”
“At home. He died a few hours ago.”
“Was she with him?”
“Yes.” They both sniffled together and Shelby fought not to burst into tears.
“Is she okay?”
“Oh god, you know Kiara. She sounded all together, but Christ, she must be hurting.”
“I’m going over. Are you coming?”
“Of course. I’m calling Myra next.”
Shelby tried to swallow, her throat painful. She hung up the phone, stared around her cubicle in a daze, not even sure what to do first. She couldn’t just get up and walk out. She stood, put on her suit jacket. Her head whirled and she lifted a hand to her eyes. Her purse. She needed her purse.
It was in her bottom drawer as usual, but it took her a moment to figure that out in her confusion. Then she walked to Andrew’s office. He was out for lunch.
She turned to Susan. “Could you tell Andrew I had to leave?” she asked. Susan’s eyes widened with concern.
“Are you okay, Shelby?”
“I’m okay. My friend just…died. I have to go.”
“Of course. Go! I’ll tell Andrew.”
“Tell him I’ll call him. Later. Or something.”
Susan nodded vigorously and made a shooing motion with her hands.
Shelby wasn’t even sure how she got to Kiara’s house, the big ranch-style home she’d shared with Adam since their marriage. A big house for a woman all alone, now. Except she wouldn’t be alone for long. Her baby was due in less than three months.
Shelby parked on the street and had to stop and put her head on her arms on the steering wheel and cry. She knew she had to get that out of her before she went in to face Kiara. Painful, bitter emotion rose up inside her, and she cried and cried as she thought of the baby who would never know his or her father, and how unfair, how fucking, fucking unfair it was.
Then, sniffling, she rummaged in the glove box for something to blow her nose and sat there for another moment while she pulled herself together.
When she opened her car door and stepped out, Myra was just pulling up to the curb, so she waited for her. She watched her friend approach. Myra might seem tough, but her eyes were red and her mouth wobbled when she tried to smile. They hugged tightly there on the street before going in to see their friend.
Riley was already there, and so were Kiara’s parents and Adam’s parents and his brothers. The house seemed full of people. Did Kiara really need her friends there?
“Kiara.” Shelby took her in her arms and held her for a long, long time, rocking her friend a little, the tears starting again. “Oh, Kiara.”
“Thank you for coming,” Kiara whispered. “Come with me.” She dragged Shelby down the hall to her bedroom, motioning to Riley and Myra to come too. Once inside, she closed the door then sat on the bed, her hands going to her rounded tummy. “They’re driving me crazy,” she said.
“Who is?”
“Adam’s parents. They knew this was coming. Why are they acting like they’re all in shock about it?”
Shelby met Riley’s worried eyes. “Maybe they were in denial,” she suggested. “Maybe they still thought he would get better.”
“Maybe.” Kiara shook her head, took a deep breath. “I know you guys understand me. They think I’m all cold and unfeeling. They think I should be a puddle of grief on the floor.”
“I know you’re grieving,” Riley said. “We all know it. Of course you are.”
Kiara bowed her head. “I have to hold it together. I’m afraid…” She looked up with shiny eyes. “I’m afraid if I let go, I’ll fall to pieces and never get back together.”
Shelby’s heart contracted and she squeezed Kiara’s hand.
“I have a baby to think of,” Kiara continued, patting her belly. “I have to look after the baby.”
“Yes, you do,” Myra murmured. “But it’s okay to give in to it, Kiara.”
“I will. Some time. Just not now.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I…I guess.”
“Were you with him?”
“Yes.” She told them about Adam’s last hours, the things they’d talked about, bringing another painful lump to Shelby’s throat, but she let her friend talk. And she listened. Because that was really all she could do.
“Last night…” Kiara stopped, suddenly choked up. Her lips pressed together and she blinked. “Last night he said…”
“What, honey?” Riley probed gently, her arm around Kiara’s shoulders.