“He said…he was afraid.” Her voice fractured on a sob.
Shelby met Riley’s eyes, a fist squeezing her throat.
“He said he was afraid to go without me,” Kiara said, and then a harsh sob tore from her throat and tears poured down her face. “He’s been so brave about this, all along, through everything. I didn’t know he was afraid.” And she cried in heart-wrenching gusts of tears. All three of them converged around her, Shelby taking one hand, Myra the other, Riley still hugging her, trying to offer comfort though Shelby felt helpless and inadequate, her heart squeezing painfully.
“And I didn’t tell him…” Kiara looked up at them with drenched eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. “I didn’t tell him—I’m afraid too!” She sniffled and swiped hands over her cheeks. “And…and I’m mad at him! He left me. He really left me.” She gave another small sob. “How stupid is that?”
They looked at each other helplessly.
“What am I going to do without him?”
There was no answer to that question.
“We’re here for you, hon,” Shelby choked out, a sick churning feeling in her stomach, her throat hurting so bad, and then tears started pouring out of her eyes too. “Whatever you need. I know nothing we can do can really help, but we’re here.”
“Just you being here helps.” They sat in sniffling silence for a few moments, then Kiara wiped her face with tissues Myra plucked from a box on the dresser and straightened her shoulders. “Oh god. I was so mad at them for not holding it together and then I lose it. I’m sorry.”
“Jesus,” Myra croaked. “You don’t have to apologize, hon.”
“I guess I’d better go back out there.”
The other three mopped themselves up too, all of them having succumbed to their powerful emotions, then followed Kiara back to the living room where Adam’s mother sobbed on the couch. Shelby wasn’t sure if she could do this, but clearly she needed to step up and help her friend, so she went over to Adam’s mother and father. Myra took care of the brothers and Riley went into the kitchen, emerging a while later with platters of sandwiches, which nobody really wanted, but it gave her something to do to make them, and it gave them something to do to eat them.
“The funeral is planned,” Shelby heard Kiara telling her own parents. “Adam helped me do that. I have to contact the funeral home, but there won’t be much to do.”
“When will you have it?” Kiara’s mom asked.
Kiara bit her lip. “I think Monday.”
“That sounds fine.”
The afternoon passed in a blur. Adam’s family left and Kiara’s mother said, “Kiara, come home with us tonight.”
She shook he head. “No, that’s okay, Mom.”
“You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”
Kiara smiled. “I’ve been alone before, Mom.”
Her mother gnawed on her bottom lip.
“I’ll stay with her,” Shelby spoke up.
Kiara shot her a grateful look. “Thanks, Shelby.”
“We’ll all stay,” Myra said. “We’ll look after her, don’t you worry, Nadine.”
So the four of them sat and drank wine, except for Kiara, talked and laughed, remembering things about Adam. At about nine o’clock, Kiara yawned.
“I’m tired,” she said. “So, so tired.”
Shelby felt exhausted, so she couldn’t imagine how Kiara must feel. “Go to bed, then,” she said. “We’ll clean up.”
Kiara hugged her and disappeared. Shelby looked at Riley and Myra. “Thanks, guys, for staying too.”
“Of course.” Riley picked up empty glasses and headed to the kitchen.
Shelby glanced at her watch. She wanted to talk to Jake so badly. She needed to let him know what had happened. So she pulled her cell phone out of her purse and called him.
“Hey,” he said. “How’s it going, little girl?”
“Not so good.” She told him about Adam’s passing.
“I’ll be right over,” he said immediately.
“No, I’m not at home. I’m at Kiara’s. I’m going to stay here tonight.”
“Oh. You okay, Shelby Rose?” His voice went deep and gentle.
“I’m okay. I just wanted to…to talk to you.”
“Ah. Yeah. Listen, tell me what I can do to help. D’you need anything? Food? Family picked up at the airport? What?”
That was so sweet, so very sweet, and she leaned back into the soft couch and closed her eyes. “Thank you. I don’t know. I just feel so sad.” Her voice broke on the last word.
“Ah, baby. It’s okay.”
She nodded, her throat closed up, and she waited for it to relax so she could speak.
“Sure you don’t want me to come over?”
She did. She so much wanted to see him, so much needed a hug. She glanced at her friends, busy in the kitchen. “Okay,” she whispered. She gave him the address and snapped her phone shut.
She rose and walked to the big island that divided the kitchen from living room. “Jake’s coming over,” she said.
Riley turned from the dishwasher where she loaded glasses. “Aw, that’s nice.”
Myra studied Shelby. “You’re getting in pretty deep with him, aren’t you?”
Shelby frowned. “No. Of course not.”
“You’re also deep in denial,” Myra retorted.
“I’m not. We’re just…you know what it is. I guess we’ve gotten to be friends over the last couple of weeks.”
“Friends. Uh-huh.” Riley nodded and closed the dishwasher. “Sure.”
“It’s not like that.” But Shelby knew her words were hollow. She could deny it out loud all she wanted, but deep inside she knew feelings were developing for Jake that shouldn’t be there. Feelings that had no place in this little deal they had. Feelings that scared the crap out of her.
“Obviously he likes you too,” Myra pointed out, “or he wouldn’t be coming over.”
“I suppose. He feels sorry, I think. After all this.” She waved a hand, knowing they would understand what she meant. “Loving someone and then losing him—it’s scary.”
“We’re all scared, honey,” Myra said in another moment of vulnerability.
“I know. Here, let me help with those dishes.”
The three of them busied themselves in Kiara’s kitchen. Cleaning and tidying, putting order to things always soothed Shelby, so she put away food, wiped counters and did dishes until the doorbell rang. She took the dish towel with her to the door, drying her hands.
She opened it to see Jake standing there, looking so damn good, his dark brown hair a little ruffled, his shoulders wide enough to lean on. He gave her a small smile as he stepped inside. She closed the door and then she was in his arms, right where she wanted to be.
Chapter Sixteen
Jake just wanted to make things better for Shelby. He hated feeling helpless, knowing there was no way to take this pain away from her. He wanted to punch something, especially seeing her face all pink and puffy from crying, still beautiful but so mournful. So he just wrapped his arms around her and tried to absorb the hurt.
“Ah, baby,” he said, stroking her hair, all soft and silky. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She nodded, face buried against his chest. “I know. I’m sorry too.”
Jake looked up and saw Riley and Myra standing across the large great room in the kitchen, watching them. He smiled briefly and they smiled back, and he could clearly see the affection in their eyes for Shelby, but it was mixed with something that looked like concern. Yeah, there it was—the concerned girlfriends. He wanted to assure them he’d look after her, but kept the words inside him. Because who was he kidding? Much as he wanted to make things all better for her, he wasn’t exactly good at looking after other people.