She nodded slowly. “Pretty okay. I still have a job. And Andrew might get over being pissed at me.”
His lips quirked. “I think he will.”
She wanted to kiss his mouth. She wanted to breathe in the scent of his skin. She wanted to feel his arms around her. She remembered how he’d looked after her during the time of Adam’s death and funeral, how he’d looked after all her friends, actually. And when she looked deep into his eyes, she saw the pain there, the uncertainty, the same longing and fear she felt.
“I brought you these.” She held out the container and he looked down at it even as he automatically reached for it. He opened one corner of the plastic lid and peered inside, then looked up at her, his eyes bright.
“Cookies?”
“Yes.”
He rolled his lips inward briefly and gave a short nod.
“Can we talk?” she asked.
“Sure.” He led the way into his living room. She stepped over a few dog toys and a stack of newspapers and sat on the couch. He set the cookies on the table, then sat beside her, but not too close.
“Tell me what just happened at work,” Jake invited. So she told him. She told him what her first plan had been, to go to Andrew’s boss, and how she’d realized that would be a mistake. Jake laughed about it and shook his head, admiration gleaming in his eyes. “Good for you, Shelby,” he murmured. “Good for you.”
His praise lit her insides up and made her head go light. A shaky smile tugged at her lips. “So tomorrow we start fresh, and we’re going to try to make that project work.” Which reminded her. She shifted closer to him on the couch, her gaze fastened on his face. “Jake. Andrew told me you quit your job.”
“Yeah.” He grimaced. “Finally got over feeling sorry for myself. Got my courage up. It feels good. Scary, but good.”
“You’re going to do great.” She wanted to tell him what Andrew had said about hiring him, but held off, until it was more definite. “I know you will.” She paused, and then slowly, deliberately echoed his words, holding his gaze steadily. “I’m glad you realize you shouldn’t let the past mess up your future too.”
He stared at her. “Huh?”
“That’s what you told me. Not to drag that crap around forever. And you’re right. We don’t have to be bound by all those stupid messages drilled into us. My parents ignoring me. My boss screwing me over. Men using me. And you…” She paused and swallowed. “Not everyone you care about will leave you.”
He regarded her for a long moment, emotions flickering across his face. Should she tell him? Her stomach tightened.
“Did you use me to get back at Andrew?” she asked.
He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “No. Not to get back at him. But…I did use you.”
She sucked in a breath between her teeth. “How so?”
“When I saw Andrew and Gianna at the picnic that day, they both looked at me like they felt sorry for me. I didn’t want them to think I was a big loser, a year later still all broken up over what had happened. I didn’t want them to feel guilty, because, hey, they love each other and they should be happy together. So, I wanted them to think that we were together and I was happy with someone else and everything was good.”
“Oh.” She turned his words over in her mind while something hot and soft expanded in her chest. Just like she’d felt when they’d run into Mark. “Oh, Jake.” She hesitated. “Did you love her a lot?”
“Nah.” He looked away, then back at her. “I mean, I thought I did. But I think it was mainly my self-esteem that took a kicking. I just hung on to that, because I felt I’d been wronged. By both of them. All those old feelings of being abandoned and not wanted came back to life.”
She nodded.
“Last night at Callahan’s, Gianna and I were talking and she told me…” He paused, rubbed one eyebrow. “She told me she always felt like I was just…there. She never felt like she really got close to me, always felt like I was keeping her at a distance. And it’s true. That’s what I’ve always done. I make sure girls know up front I don’t want anything more than…than…”
“Sex.”
He made a face. “Yeah. Sometimes. Okay, usually. She told me that’s why it was so easy for her to fall for Andrew. He was there for her. I wasn’t.”
She swallowed hard and nodded, her eyes burning. “From what Andrew told me about their conversation, I’m not sure she really loved either of you. I mean, I don’t know Gianna, but it sounds like she’s interested in whoever will pay the most attention to her.”
“Huh.” He tipped his head to one side. “You could be right.”
She hesitated. “But you were there for me.”
“It’s different with you. Maybe because there was no pressure, because we had a deal, I relaxed enough to…”
“To be there?”
He cleared his throat. “Yeah. But even though we started off with a deal, I should’ve been honest with you right from the start. That wasn’t fair. But then…I started to care about you.”
Her eyes widened.
“I didn’t realize what was happening. It changed, Shelby. Maybe it started out as a deal, but it changed.” He grinned crookedly. “I guess you’d call that scope creep. The goal of the project changed.”
She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her. Trust Jake to make her laugh when they were having the scariest conversation of her life. “Scope creep is bad.”
“Yeah. But I think maybe the original deliverable wasn’t uh…feasible.” He gave a wry smile. “I was hanging on to everything I thought I’d lost, but you made me realize that didn’t even matter anymore. It wasn’t until Gianna came after me that I realized I didn’t want her back. I just wanted you.”
His words started a cyclone in her heart and her lungs seized up. She could hardly breathe and her hands shook so bad she had to link them together tightly.
“And I did not go after her,” he added curtly. “No matter what Andrew thought.”
“He knows. When he talked to Gianna, she told him.”
“Oh hell.” He stared back at her. “Really?”
“Yeah. I don’t know if they’ll work things out. He seemed pretty angry.”
“Oh man.” He rubbed the back of his head. “I hope they do.”
And she believed him. He could’ve told Andrew what Gianna had done, knowing how much that would hurt Andrew. But he hadn’t. He still cared for his friend, even after what had happened between them.
“Andrew’s been busy today.”
Jake laughed. “You know, he has. He definitely has. I, uh, may have misjudged him.” He bowed his head briefly. “For believing he was interested in you and would cheat on Gianna. And he definitely kicked some sense into me. He told me if I’d just been using you, I wouldn’t have stuck around when Adam died. And he’s right. I didn’t have to do that. I could’ve bailed right then. Who needed all that drama?”
She lowered her chin. “Drama?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do.” Relief that she’d been right poured into her, like water rushing over a waterfall, and she smiled. “Well, I’ve screwed up some things too,” she murmured, looking down at her hands in her lap. “Andrew told me he was never trying to be anything more than my boss or mentor. I was so paranoid because of what happened at RBM, I guess I read too much into what he was saying and doing. I was so embarrassed when he told me that.”
“Ah, Shelby Rose. It’ll be okay.” He paused. “I’m sorry I hurt you. That’s the thing that makes me most mad at myself. Because I didn’t think about that. I really didn’t think feelings would get involved. You wanted a fake boyfriend and I wanted a fake girlfriend. It seemed like a sweet deal.”
She closed her eyes. Let his words seep into her brain. He was right. It had been a deal. A deal she’d agreed to. And, like him, she’d thought she could do it without getting emotionally involved. Her body tensed and trembled and she clasped her fingers together.