I was silent for a few moments. I thought of trying to tell her about the long hours and work I and my team were putting in trying to straighten out the kingdom's finances. I even considered showing her some of the cryptic spreadsheets on my desk ... but decided against it. She might be able to decipher them, and if she could would doubtless ask some embarrassing questions about the hefty fee I was taking for my services. I was having trouble justifying that to myself, much less to her.
The inescapable conclusion, however, was that no matter what I had thought lovely Luanna was like, we were worlds apart in our views of people and how they should be treated.
Reaching into our petty cash drawer, I started counting some coins.
"Tell you what, Luanna," I said, not looking up. "You said you needed fifty to seventy-five in gold? Well I'm going to give you a hundred and fifty ... double to triple what you asked for ... not as a loan or an investment, just as a gift."
"But why would you ..."
"... There are two conditions, though," I continued, as if she hadn't spoken. "First, that you use some of the extra money for travel. Go off dimension or to another part of Klah ... I don't care. Just so long as when you start to run your swindle, it's not in Possiltum."
"Okay, but ..."
"And second," I said, setting the stack of coins on the edge of the desk near her, "I want you to promise that you will never see or speak to me ... ever again ... starting now."
For a moment, I thought she was going to speak. She opened her mouth, then hesitated, shrugged, and shut it again. In complete silence she gathered up the coins and left, shutting the door behind her.
I poured myself another goblet of wine and moved to the window, staring out at the view without really seeing anything. Dreams die hard, but whatever romantic thoughts I had ever had involving Luanna had just been squashed pretty thoroughly. I couldn't change that, but I could mourn their passing.
There was a soft knock at the door, and my heart took a sudden leap. Maybe she had changed her mind! Maybe she had thought it over and decided to return the money in favor of a legitimate business loan!
"Come in," I called, trying not to sound to eager.
The door opened, and a vampire walked in.
Chapter Seven:
"You just don't know women."
H. HEFNER
"WINE? No THANKS. Never touch the stuff."
"Oh. That's right. Sorry, Vie," I said, refilling my own goblet.
"You know," my guest said, settling himself more comfortably in his seat, "it's women like Luanna that give vampires a bad name. They're the ones who will mercilessly suck someone dry, and the concept sort of slopped over onto us!"
In case you're wondering (or have neglected to read the earlier books in this series), Vie is the one who walked into my room at the end of the last chapter, and yes he is a vampire. Actually, he's a pretty nice guy ... about my age and a fairly successful magician in his own right. He just happens to come from Limbo, a dimension that's primarily "peopled" by vampires, werewolves, and the like.
Apparently he had stopped by our office on Deva looking to invite me out for lunch. When Tananda, who was currently minding the fort for us, told him where I was, he decided to pop over for a visit. (As an aside, one of his Limbo-born talents is the ability to travel the dimension without mechanical aid ... something I've always envied and wanted to learn.)
Truth to tell, I was more than a little glad to see Vie. He was one of the few in my acquaintance who was familiar with the trials and tribulations of being a professional magician, yet wasn't an actual member of our crew. Not meaning any disrespect or criticism of my colleagues, mind you, but ... well ... they were more like family and my actions and future definitely affected them, whereas Vie was a bit more able to stand apart and view things objectively. This made it a lot easier to express my feelings and problems to him, which 1 had proceeded to do, starting with Queen Hemlock's proposal and running it right up through my recent rather disheartening meeting with Luanna.
Until he brought it up, I had forgotten that he had met Luanna. In fact, he had worked with her and Matt, and consequently gone on the lam with them ... which was when I met him in the first place. As such, he knew the lady under discussion far better than I did, and my new analysis of her seemed more in line with his earlier formed opinions than with my own cherished daydreams.
"I can't say much about what you're doing with the kingdom's budgets and stuff," the vampire said with an easy shrug. "That's out of my league.
It does occur to me, though, that you're having more than your share of woman problems."
"You can say that again," I agreed, toasting him with my goblet.
"I'll admit I'm a bit surprised," Vie continued. "I would have thought that someone with your experience would have been able to side-step some of these tangles ... and definitely spotted a gold-digger like Luanna a mile away."
I hesitated for a moment, then decided to level with him.
"To be honest with you, Vie, I haven't had all that much experience with women."
"Really?" The vampire was gratifyingly surprised.
"Let's just say that while Aahz and the others have been fairly diligent about teaching me the ins and outs of business and magik, there have been certain areas of my education that have been woefully and annoyingly neglected."
"Now that I might be able to help you with."
"Excuse me?"
I had been momentarily lost in my own thoughts, and had somehow missed a turn in the conversation.
"It's easy," Vie said with a shrug. "You're having trouble making up your mind whether or not you should get married at all ... much less to Queen Hemlock. Right?"
"Well ..."
"Right?" he pressed.
"Right."
"To me, the problem is that you don't have enough information to make an educated decision."
"You can say that again," I said heavily, gulping at my wine. "What's more, between the workload here and Queen Hemlock's timetable, I don't figure I'm going to get any, either."
"That's where I think I can help you," my guest smiled, leaning back in his chair again.
"Excuse me?" I said, fighting off the feeling that our conversation was caught in an unending loop.
"What would you say to a blind date?"
That one caught me totally off guard.
"Well ... the same thing I'd say to a date that could see, I imagine," I managed at last. "The trouble is, I haven't had any experience with either ..."
"No, no," the vampire interrupted. "I mean, How would you like me to fix you up with a date? Someone you've never seen before?"
"That would have to be the case," I nodded. "I don't recall ever having met a blind person ... male or female. Not that I've consciously avoided them, mind you ..."
"Hold it! Stop!" Vie said, holding up one hand while pressing the other to his forehead.
It occurred to me that, in that pose, he looked more than a little like Aahz.
"Let's try this again ... from the top. We were talking about your needing more experience with women. What I'm suggesting is that I line you up with a date ... someone I know ... so you can get that experience. Got it?"
"Got it," I nodded. "You know someone who's
blind. Tell me, should I act any different around her?"
"No. ... I mean, yes! NO!"
Vie seemed to be getting very worked up over the subject, and more than a little confused ... which made two of us.
"Look, Skeeve," he said finally, through clenched teeth. "The girl I'm thinking about is not blind. She's perfectly normal. Okay?"
"Okay," I said, hesitantly, looking for the hook. "A perfectly normal, average girl."
"Well ... not all that normal, or average,", the vampire smiled, relaxing a bit. "She's a lot of fun ... if you get what I mean. And she's a real looker ... knock your eyes out beautiful."