“You look sad,” Ginger said. “You sure?”
I hesitated and then waved her over. “It’s cold as fuck in here. Keep them coming.” The bar wasn’t that busy, but at least I was around other people. The last thing I wanted was to be alone.
I drank my shots, thanking Ginger for her generous hand as she poured. She leaned forward, pressing her ample breasts against the bar as she asked me what was wrong. I averted my gaze, assuring her everything was just the way it was supposed to be. The luck of my shiny penny had worn off. I pressed my palm against my chest, feeling the cold of the metal against my skin, keeping her close to my heart.
I ordered another round for myself and retrieved my phone from my pocket, dialing Avery’s number again.
I drank down one shot while I listened to her chipper voicemail greeting.
You’ve reached Avery Jacobs. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message, and I’ll get back to you.
After the beep, I began to ramble. “Baby, I know you’re mad at me. I deserve it, okay? I deserve for you to yell at me and be pissed, and even for you to throw your necklace at me, but I don’t deserve to get dumped. I’m a fuckup, but I can fix this. It’s what I do.” I rubbed the heel of my hand against my eye before tipping the next shot glass to my lips.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, sweetheart,” Ginger said as she shook her head and refilled my glasses.
“Bending over like that won’t get you a bigger tip,” I joked, my words sounding like my tongue was swollen against the roof of my mouth. I nodded a thanks to her and picked up another one and a half ounces of Jack, draining the contents down my throat. My heart sank as the liquor began to weigh heavily in my veins, slowing my entire thought process. “I love you, Avery. I don’t think you understand what it means when I say that to you, but I do.” I clicked to end the call, knowing that as the alcohol slowly took hold I would probably only upset her more.
I drank a third shot and peeled off my sweatshirt, feeling overheated in the small crowd. I tossed it on the bar, and Ginger rolled her eyes as she took it and hung it on a hook behind her.
“What did you do to that poor girl?” she asked as she set a tall glass filled with water in front of me.
“What’s with this shit?” I asked as I pushed it away in disgust, ignoring her question.
“You need to slow it down. There’s no way in hell I’m carrying you out of here.”
“Just throw me away with the trash,” I mumbled, feeling sorry for myself. I could have just as easily defaulted to anger, but I was the only one to blame for my situation.
Ginger shook her head, filling another shot glass. She held out her hand. “Keys.”
“What?” I said, wrinkling my nose.
“Keys,” she said, this time more firm. I dug into my pocket and pulled out thirteen cents, a piece of lint, and my car keys. She took them, and I lifted the tiny glass in thanks before tipping it back.
The night crawled along minute by painful minute with no sign of my girlfriend. I was set to wander out in the freezing cold just after midnight when a smug Doc Rose walked in.
I watched him chat up a few other men who were also stupidly overdressed for a hole-in-the-wall bar. They must have been doctors, too. He waved to them and then sat on a stool at the opposite end of the bar, checking his watch, as if he were waiting for someone.
Part of me hoped it was Avery he was waiting for; the other hoped to God it wasn’t, worried what I’d do if it was.
“You okay?” Ginger asked.
“If Avery walks in and sits next to that puke,” I said, holding myself up by the elbow. “Get me out of here before I kill him.”
“You think he’s here for her?” she asked, staring at Doc Rose.
“I’ve got all night, so I guess we’ll find out. Pour me another one.”
“Josh—”
“I said pour me another one.”
She shook her head, placing an empty glass in front of me.
I spent the evening drowning in guilt and then being mad about it. I shouldn’t feel bad. I was right. He shouldn’t have confronted Dr. Rosenberg. I’m an adult. I could have handled it! What the hell was he thinking?
But I hadn’t handled it. Josh had told me a dozen times my friendship with the doctor bothered him. I should have addressed it. But Josh had made his choice. This was my career he was messing with. How could I look Dr. Rosenberg in the eyes and tell him I’m still with the crazy guy who threatened him over nothing?
I washed the three dishes in my sink and then went to JayWok. After looking at the menu, I decided I wasn’t hungry and walked back, stomped up the stairs, and slammed my door behind me. I crossed my arms in a huff, wishing I didn’t have the day off.
The look in his eyes fractured my heart. Being alone in my apartment, looking at my former spare pillow that was supposed to belong to Josh, I was an emotional mess.
My phone rang, and I picked it up, unable to answer it fast enough.
“Deb?” I said, my eyes instantly filling with tears.
“The hell, Avery?”
I sighed. Josh must have already called Quinn.
“I could have handled the situation better,” I admitted. “I could have discussed it with him instead of acting like a spoiled soap opera wife. I mean … good God, handing back the necklace and stomping out? I am supposed to be the reasonable one, and he kept saying practical things like we love each other and I couldn’t just end things. He was right, but he was fucking wrong!”
“Yep.”
I paused, surprised. “Yep? That’s all you have to say?”
“Avery, keep venting. You’re not done.”
My bottom lip trembled. “I shouldn’t have handed him back the necklace. That was overdramatic. That was cruel.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Uh-huh I’m cruel, or uh-huh you’re acknowledging that you’re listening?”
“The latter.”
“So, I screwed up. But a jealous toddler tantrum?” I said, pacing. “We are too old for that. He confronted Dr. Rosenberg! That was fucking insane!” I tripped over the edge of the rug and then kicked at the rolled up corner. “I went there thinking we were going to make a mutual decision to take a step back and slow things down, but the next thing I know, I’m breaking up with him! I broke up with him, but I still love him. What do I do?”
“Um … get back with him? He still loves you,” she said, sounding bored. “He sounded like he was a fucking mess when he called Quinn. All you have to do is forgive him and he’ll learn his lesson and you can keep being gloriously happy.”
I stuttered. “Is it that easy? I mean … people just do that?”
“Yep.”
I thought for a moment, looking around the room at my empty walls and pillow-less couch and curtain-less windows. Josh’s pillow was my favorite thing in the apartment. There was a reason for it. I’d made my point—albeit rather dramatically. Couples fought and made up all the time. We could, too. Maybe.
“He made his bed,” Deb said. “You should lay in it.”
I raked my hair back, flustered. “Would you date a guy like Josh? Who did what he did?”
“Fell in love with a girl and freaked the first time someone threatened to steal her? Oh yeah.”
“Deb,” Quinn said, sounding sleepy in the background.
“You okay?” Deb asked. “Say the word, and I’ll be over. Quinn snores, anyway.”
“No,” I said, sniffing. I looked out the window at the green beast parallel parked in the street in front of my building. “I’m going to find him.”
We hung up, and I put on my navy-blue puffy coat and boots. I grabbed the keys with the heart key ring Josh had bought for me and a scarf, wrapping it around my neck while I jogged down the stairs.