It had been seven weeks and four days since I thought I was going to lose the one person in the world who saw me—the real me.
That moment was enough to make me realize I should definitely never take eight shots of hard liquor on an empty stomach, but more importantly, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl.
I wanted to prove I was serious and committed to her, but I knew it would take more than a penny, even though since the second she’d put it back on, she’d cherished that necklace as if it were one of the queen’s jewels.
“I can’t believe you’re going to propose, man.” Quinn glanced over at me from the driver seat of the ambulance with a grin on his face.
“Like you haven’t thought about it,” I shot back. The wagon rocked back and forth after Quinn hit a pothole too fast, and I reached for the overhead handle.
“What Deb and I have is different.”
“Judging by that weird fucking swing she had you put in your bedroom, I’d have to agree with you.”
We laughed, but it did little to settle my nerves as the diamond ring I’d picked out for Avery burned a hole in my pocket.
I’d never pictured myself settling down with anyone, but now it felt like the world would crash and burn around me if she didn’t say yes. Why was I so scared?
Quinn’s expression turned serious. “Can I ask you something? Something you may not like?”
I frowned. “Sure.”
“What’s your hurry, brother? It’s been what … six months?”
“I don’t know. It’s like an itch in a place I can’t quite reach. It’s this vague worry in the back of my head. It’s always there.”
“Like what?” Quinn asked, his nose wrinkling.
“That if I don’t nail this down, she’s going to disappear. Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed with her, I feel like she’s there, but she’s not. Like it’s literally too good to be true.”
“That’s just your insecurities talking, man. Avery is in love with you. She sees how much you’ve changed. She knows you think this is something special.”
I shook my head. “That’s not it, Quinn. I know she loves me. I’m not worried about her.”
“Then what?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Like something’s just on the edge, waiting to fuck things up. Something out of my control.”
“You can quit worrying, Josh. We control nothing.”
I grimaced. “You’re not making me feel any better.”
Quinn took one hand off the wheel and slapped my shoulder. “You’ll be fine. She’s going to say yes and you’ll live happily ever after.”
“Hey,” I said, pulling his hand off me. “Keep your hand on the wheel.”
He sighed and shook his head. “It’s already started.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m your first partner, so I get why you don’t see it. See, the guys start out here, and they inevitably find a serious girlfriend, because—” he popped his collar “—the uniform gets ‘em wet.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Then the worry starts. They quit running toward the burning cars, they start wearing their seat belt, they start saying pussy things like ‘Keep your eyes on the road, Quinn,’” he said, lowering his voice. “Like before you got engaged or had a kid you didn’t have anything to live for.”
“I didn’t.”
“Psh. Pussy.”
I smiled, never so grateful for an insult.
My shift ended, and I hurried over to Benched for a workout. Lifting always helped clear my head, but even after an hour and sweat pouring from my body, my head was still consumed by thoughts of Avery. It had been that way for weeks, which was why I bought the ring. Nerve-racked or not, I had to make it official, had to make her mine. I just needed it to be perfect.
With my thoughts overrun by planning for our future, I hurried back to my apartment to prepare dinner, knowing Avery would be too tired to cook when she finished her shift.
I’d picked up a few groceries the day before. Now that Avery had been spending more nights at my place, I tried to keep more in the fridge. Unfortunately, I lacked any real cooking skills, so I was attempting to make spaghetti, which didn’t look like it could be that hard.
I was just dishing the noodles onto plates when Avery walked in the door with a groan. Her ponytail had slid down to the nape of her neck, and dark circles shadowed the underneath of her eyes, but she still looked beautiful in her peach scrubs.
“That shift was never-ending,” she huffed as she kicked off her sneakers. She padded her way to the kitchen, rising up on her toes to kiss my cheek.
“I hope you worked up an appetite.”
“Mmm … what’s that smell?”
“That’s not very nice. Dax can’t help his … aroma.”
Avery laughed, shaking her head. “I thought you couldn’t cook?”
“I figured it was time I learned.” I grabbed both of our paper plates and carried them into the living room, placing them on the coffee table. “We need to get a real table.”
Avery looked at me sideways with an amused smirk before she picked up her fork and began to spin the noodles. “A table? You don’t even have real plates.”
“Neither do you.” I elbowed her lightly, taking a bite of my food. Damn, I’m not a bad cook after all. “Maybe we can buy a set at The Kitchen Store this weekend.”
“Plates?”
“Why not? Normal people have dishes. They also have this really cool silverware made out of metal.”
“Yeah.” She breathed out a laugh. “But those people live together, Josh.”
“You’re right. We can move your stuff in this weekend. I can get Quinn to help. We can get dishes and a table next weekend. And a strainer. You don’t even want to know what I had to do to strain the noodles,” I said, hoping to God she didn’t freak out.
Avery dropped her fork, her mouth gaping open. “Seriously?”
“I mean, I’d have to ask him first, but he wouldn’t mind helping out if he doesn’t have plans with Deb.”
“So, you’re going to ask Quinn. How about asking me first?”
My heart felt like it seized. I slowly turned to her, swallowing hard. “Avery,” I began, nervous as hell. “Move in with me.”
She placed her small hands on either side of my face. “On one condition.”
“Name it.”
“My apartment is at least ten years younger. How about you move in with me?”
“Yeah,” I said without hesitation.
“Maybe we should think about this for a week or so. We shouldn’t make a decision like this without really thinking it over.”
“Avery, I’ve thought about it. A lot.”
“You have?”
“You haven’t?” I asked, feeling nervous all over again.
“It’s a big step.”
“I know this is what I want. I don’t wanna waste any more time.”
“Living together can really be hard on a relationship.”
“I’m starting to wonder if it’s you who isn’t sure about us.”
“It’s not us I’m unsure of. It’s the living together, family … the entire idea just makes me nervous. I don’t have a lot of good experience with family.”
“You have me,” I said, feeling hurt. Avery was all the family I’d ever needed, and as far as I was concerned, we already were. “We can make family a good memory for us, Avery. I thought that’s what we’ve been doing.”
Her shoulders sank. This was so unlike Avery that I wasn’t sure what to do. I had known from the beginning a relationship with me scared her, but after everything, I’d thought we were past that.
I lifted her chin with my finger, forcing her to look me in the eye. “What can I do?
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not giving up, so tell me what I need to do to make you okay with this.”