I looked over at the door-less kitchen cabinets, exposing my collection of paper plates and plastic cups to match the plastic cutlery in the drawers below. Just one glass casserole dish, a skillet, and one pot were sitting in the space beneath the countertop gathering dust. Eating out had been more of a pastime than a necessity until that moment.
I pulled myself up and forced my feet across the room in order to rummage through the medicine cabinet for an old bottle of Lortab. I rolled the tiny robin’s-egg-colored pill in my palm before tossing it to the back of my throat, chasing it with a gulp of flat Mountain Dew.
The Formica felt cold against my backside as I waited for my veins to carry the hydrocodone and sugar through my body.
Once I began feeling human again, I showered, slipped an off-the-shoulder sweatshirt over my head, and stepped into my favorite royal-blue cuffed sweatpants. As I piled my still-damp hair on top of my head, it crossed my mind that I would probably meet who might be the love of my life while dressed like a colorblind cat lady. But I had to eat, and I would rather make the walk across the street without a bra than try to scrounge up something to cook—not that I had any groceries.
I glanced in the mirror and paused. My face was not the frightening mess I’d imagined. Instead, I looked … normal. Tired, maybe, but otherwise fresh-faced and not at all like a mushy tomato.
Keys in hand, and gripping the railing the whole way down, I headed back downstairs, pausing just long enough to check for traffic before crossing against the light to JayWok, my favorite Chinese eatery in Philadelphia.
The soy sauce and grease filled my nose before I even opened the door, and I smiled. The takeout line was long, so I sat at my regular table and waited for Coco to take my order.
Within moments, she was standing next to me in a maroon apron over skinny jeans and a name tag that read Cocolina pinned to a too-small white polo shirt. She was holding a menu I didn’t need and filling a glass with water I wouldn’t drink. “The usual?” she asked.
“Probably,” I said.
She frowned. “Did you quit the hospital? I don’t think I’ve seen you without scrubs on.”
“I have the day off.”
“Sick?”
“Not really,” I said.
She turned on her heels, knowing I wouldn’t expand on my answer.
I cupped my chin in my hand. Dozens of people of all shapes and sizes passed by the large window next to the booth I’d made my own since I’d first walked through the door twenty-three months ago. Summer break was in full swing, and now that the sun was out, tourists grouped in families and crowded the sidewalks, making an old wound throb in my chest. I was an adult, but still, I missed the feel of my father’s large hand around mine. I envied the little girls who passed by with wide grins and impatient, pointing fingers, either being pulled by or tugging their daddies along. By now, I knew it would never go away. I would always miss my parents and mourn every moment they couldn’t experience with me.
A white sack crinkled when it was set in front of me, bearing the simple JayWok logo on the front: a cherry-red medallion with thick, mirrored lines and spaces. I always wondered what the mini-maze meant, but I was distracted by the knuckles covering the rolled-down top of the sack.
“Eating alone?” the man asked.
His hands were sexy. Yes, sexy. Thick, just the right size, and muscular. Yes, muscular. When a woman had been single as long as I had, we began to notice certain things, like hands, that others may not. The tiny dark hairs on his fingers, his freshly cut nails, and the scar on his right index finger. Most important was what his hand was missing: a wedding band. The only thing worse than a wedding band was the dreaded tan line on the ring finger of a man looking to stray. He was missing that, too, and I couldn’t help but smile.
I looked up, seeing a familiar pair of gray eyes belonging to a guy I knew was definitely single. “Excuse me?”
“Are you eating alone?” he said again, this time enunciating.
“Uh, yes.” His assessment was more than a little embarrassing. “I know. It’s kind of pathetic.”
“I don’t know,” he said, sitting in the chair across from me. “I think it’s kind of romantic.”
I narrowed my eyes. Romantic? That didn’t sound like the obnoxious paramedic who flirted with every nurse in my ER.
He let go of the sack and held up his hands. “I’m glad to see you’re okay. If you’d taken off a few seconds earlier, it would have been a lot worse.”
“It’s all pretty fuzzy.”
He frowned, lost in thought. “Not for me.”
“Well, keep it to yourself if you don’t mind. I’d rather not know.”
“You’re welcome.”
“For what?”
“Digging you out of the crinkled can of a car and calling nine-one-one.”
I blinked. “Oh. I mean … thank you. I didn’t realize.”
He waved me away. “That is not my coolest act of heroism. I have way better stories.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I’d like to hear them sometime. Just to know what I’m up against.”
The break room gossip had circulated that the new paramedic was also new to Philadelphia. I wasn’t sure what he was running from, but it was obvious what he was chasing: tail. Tall, thin, short, voluptuous, and any combination in between. He loved to conquer, and until that moment, I wouldn’t have dreamed of giving him the time of day. Knowing what he’d done—even if it was a normal thing for him—his eyes seemed a little softer, and his smile a little sweeter. It was easier to see him, not as a predator but as having the potential for more than a one-night stand.
He chuckled. “I know what you’re thinking. I didn’t follow you here or anything. My shift is in an hour and I was grabbing something to go.”
The hydrocodone made it more difficult to process everything he was saying, and I was more than just a little aggravated he didn’t respond to my pickup line.
After a short pause, I finally found an appropriate response. “I didn’t think you were stalking me. I can’t see you putting in that kind of time.”
“That’s not true.”
“You have the attention span of a toddler.”
He grinned, his eyes bright. “What’s your name?”
“You know my name.”
“Not your work name, Jacobs. Your first name.”
I hesitated. We kept to last names at work to keep things professional. I sometimes had to work with this guy. Even if the accident had changed certain things, I had a hard time believing he was someone I could trust with my first name.
Maybe it was because I had remembered how alone I was more than once that day, or maybe I had no reason at all, but I chose to give it to the flirty paramedic who had sexy, ringless hands. “Avery.”
He shot me a dubious look. “Avery.”
I nodded, unsure if I had, in a Lortab-induced haze, mispronounced my own name.
“Avery?” he said again in disbelief.
“Yes, why? Is that okay?”
He pointed to his chest. “Josh Avery.”
“Oh!” I said, finally understanding. “Maybe we’re related.” I was proud of myself for managing humor in my current state.
He turned up one side of his mouth, and a dimple sunk into his left cheek. “I hope not.” His thoughts were anything but innocent as his gaze bore into me.
He reached across the table, extending his hand. I barely tapped it with my fingers, but he held on to them a bit longer as I pulled away.
Even before I knew his name, I’d known Josh as Quinn Cipriani’s new partner, the charming, bed-hopping paramedic who had come out of nowhere to seduce every nurse under thirty-five in the ER. Even aware of all that, I had no choice but to be flattered.
Josh had all the traits of the modern, attractive male: the square chin, strong jaw, a celebrity smile, long lashes, and I-could-fall-in-love-with-you eyes. He always smelled like fabric softener and cheap but pleasant cologne, even nine hours into a shift—not that I’d made a point to notice.
Now he was sitting across from me, somehow still looking attractive in a worn T-shirt and mismatched athletic shorts. He watched me with a new spark in his eye, no doubt the infamous, undeniable charm I’d seen him exhibit a hundred times before. He nodded at Coco as she passed, and then turned his attention back to me, his eyes the most beautiful I’d ever seen. He was enjoying watching me squirm, shamelessly flirting with me when we both knew I looked like hell. I tried to retain my game face. It would be too embarrassing to admit to Deb that I’d giggled like one of a dozen new nurses we’d watched him win over.