“Your mom didn’t think so,” I shot back, rolling my head from shoulder to shoulder to ease the tension in my neck.
“That’s fucked up, man.”
“What’s fucked up is that thing she did with a beer bottle.”
Quinn shook his head. “I’m telling her not to cook for you anymore. You’re a twisted asshole.” He held out a can of soda for me and I took it with a grateful nod.
“Twisted asshole. I think that’s what she called that other move.” He shot me a warning glare and I shrugged. “It’s part of my charm.”
By the time my shift had ended, my eyes felt burned open. The night had been relatively calm compared to most, but that didn’t mean it was easy. I’d dealt with a choking victim and a lost child before things kicked up a notch and we helped a man who had suffered a tragic table-saw incident. Usually, flirting with the nurses in the ER made the night bearable, but I was far too exhausted to mutter any one-liners as we flew in and out of the hospital.
I hurried home and took Dax out for a walk before crashing from exhaustion.
My self-induced coma only lasted a few hours before my phone began to ring. I answered it while rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“This better be important,” I groaned, rolling onto my back.
“Twins.”
I sat up, blinking open my eyes. “What the fuck are you talking about, Quinn?”
“Fucking twins, Josh. Blondes with some tig ole bitties. Get down to Corner Hole, bro. They told me to call a friend.”
I glanced at the bright red numbers on the alarm clock beside my bed before stifling a yawn.
“You owe me a beer,” I grumbled.
“You help me seal the deal with these chicks, I’ll give you my firstborn.”
“I’ll just take the beer.” I clicked to end the call before tossing the phone next to me on the bed. “This better be worth the time,” I mumbled to myself. I slipped out of bed and padded my way down the narrow hall to the bathroom. Even splashing ice-cold water on my face did little to snap me from exhaustion.
I dressed quickly, not bothering to double-check how I looked before heading out into the cool night air.
Corner Hole bar was located almost exactly halfway between my building and St. Ann’s. Because of the location it was the bar of choice for hospital staff, making that horrible little dive perfect for fraternizing.
Being a weeknight, the place was practically empty, but a few familiar faces popped into view, one of which made me smile. Avery looked shocked when her gaze settled on mine, but she quickly worked her way through the crowd toward me.
“Thank God you’re here,” she said as my chest puffed out from the surprise greeting.
“It’s good to see you too.”
“I need you.” Her thin, long fingers circled around my wrist as she pulled me toward the bar. I zeroed in on the door to the backroom. It would be the perfect place for us to fool around.
“Whoa, Avery. I’m into you too, but I didn’t think you were that kind of girl,” I joked.
She didn’t find it funny, instead glancing back over her shoulder to glower at me. “No, pervert. There is this guy over here who won’t leave me alone. I figured you could help a girl out?” She cocked her eyebrow and waited for my response.
“Lead the way. I’ll teach the asshole a lesson.”
Avery pulled me toward the bar. Her friend was waving at her with a forced smile plastered on her face, and standing next to her was a very sloppy-drunk Quinn.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I mumbled, stopping in front of him. Two very pissed off women were waiting for me to do something.
“I believe you know Quinn, the asshole.” Avery swooped her hand out in his direction dramatically, fighting against a smirk.
Clearing my throat, I struggled to appear serious. “What’s going on, man?”
“Fucking twins,” he said too loudly as he pointed to the women. I stifled a laugh as I noted the distinct differences between Avery and her friend. Quinn had to be wasted to think they were in any way related. The friend had dark hair that hung just past her shoulders and huge tits. Her curves were a contrast to her sharp features, and to Avery’s blonde hair and athletic build.
I patted his shoulder. “I don’t think they’re twins, buddy.”
“No, no, no. Listen,” he slurred as he put his arm around the brunette’s shoulder and pointed his finger in her face. “This one is Bed. How great is that?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
She smacked him hard across the chest. “My name is Deb, you asshole.”
Quinn nearly fell over before rubbing his chest as if he’d been violently attacked.
“You think that’s bad? This is the nice one. That one—” he extended his arm toward Avery “—is into slavery.”
“Avery,” I corrected. “Her name is Avery, and we know her from work, remember?” I couldn’t contain my laugh at his serious expression.
“She doesn’t like me. Can you believe that?”
“I can.” I grabbed Quinn’s arm and looped it over my shoulders, pulling him from Deb’s side. “Come on, buddy. I think it’s time we go home.”
“But I want to hang out with the twins.”
“I think they’ve had about enough of you.” I winked at Avery, and she smiled, appreciative.
“But I owe you a beer,” Quinn whined.
“Yeah, you do. But I think we should go back to my place. You can sleep on the floor where Dax pissed this afternoon.” I helped Quinn through the front door of the bar and let him lean against the brick veneer exterior as he drank in the fresh air.
“It’s so hot out here.” He tugged at the collar of his blue polo shirt, stretching the fabric. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“You have it coming.” I turned around at the sound of the door creaking behind me.
“Make sure you keep him hydrated and maybe feed him a banana or something,” Avery said.
“Yeah, ahh … thanks for being so cool about him.” I shoved my hands deep into my jean pockets. “He’s not normally like this.” I glanced over my shoulder at Quinn, who was doubled over and dry heaving loudly, his shirt lying on the ground at his side.
“I sure hope not. His mother would be very disappointed.”
“He told you about his mother?”
“He all but bribed us with her homemade pie to sleep with him.” She covered her mouth as she struggled to contain her laugh. “It was an interesting strategy.”
“I’ll let him know you were impressed with his pickup lines tomorrow. Better yet, I’ll let his mom know.” I winked and she focused on the space between us.
Conversation stalled as I tried to think of something to say to her over the sound of Quinn emptying his stomach. I wanted to ask her out, desperate to stick around and spend more time with her, but there wasn’t a line in the world that would work in this situation.
“I should get him home.” Rubbing my hand over the back of my neck, I decided then that I was going to make tomorrow a living hell for Quinn.
“Thanks again.” Avery pulled open the bar door and slipped inside to join her friend.
“Come on.” I helped Quinn stand upright, tossing his shirt over my shoulder and guiding him down the darkened street to my apartment.
It was going to be a long night.
“So let me get this straight,” Deb said, standing by her locker in just a scrub top and striped, neon-colored socks. “He pulls you out of a burning car—”
“It wasn’t burning,” I deadpanned.
“—and calls his ambulance buddies to bring you to safety, probably cradling your head in his beautiful, buff arm while sniffing your granny panties.”
I shook my head, revolted. “At what point in this story did my panties come off?”
She stared at me with a blank expression. “This is Paramedic McPanties we’re talking about, right? He probably took them off to fashion a tourniquet like a sexy MacGyver.”