after you moved. A long time."
I didn't feel as if it had been that long, but anything longer
than three months was a record of sorts with her. "Good
for you."
She wrinkled her nose. "Whatever. He's good in bed and
buys me shit. And he has a fucking awesome car. He's got
a job. He's not a loser."
"Al good things." I had slightly higher standards, or at least now I did, but I smiled at her description of him and
wrapped up the papers from our food.
Kira got up to help me. "Yeah. I guess so. He's a good
guy."
Which said more than anything else she had. I shot her a
look. Times did change, I reminded myself. So did people.
When it came time to get ready to go out, though, the Kira
I knew faked a gag. "Gawd, don't wear that."
I looked down at my low-rise jeans. They were boot cut. I
I looked down at my low-rise jeans. They were boot cut. I
had boots. I even had a cute cap-sleeved T-shirt. The
hours of working out I'd been putting in lately were paying
off. "What's wrong with what I have on?"
Kira swung open my closet door and rummaged around
inside. "Don't you have anything…better?"
High school was a long time ago, I wanted to say, but
looking at her short denim skirt and tight, bely-baring
blouse, I figured my comment would be lost. I shrugged,
instead.
"I know you have hotter clothes than that." Kira
reappeared from my closet with a handful of shirts and
skirts I remembered buying but hadn't worn in a long time.
She tossed the clothes onto my bed, where they spread
out in a month's worth of outfits.
I picked up a silky tank top in a pretty shade of lavender
and a stretchy black skirt. I held them up to myself in front
of my ful-length mirror. Then I put them back on the bed.
"No, thanks," I said. "I'l wear what I've got on. It's comfortable."
Kira shook her head. "Oh, ew. Paige, c'mon."
Kira shook her head. "Oh, ew. Paige, c'mon."
"Ew?" I looked at myself again. The jeans clung to my hips and ass just right, and my T-shirt emphasized how flat my
stomach was becoming. I thought I looked pretty damn
good. "What's ew?"
"It's just, you know…" Kira trailed off and pushed her
way next to me to hog the reflection. "You gotta show off
a little bit."
I looked her over. Even in my stack-heeled boots, I stood
a few inches shorter. She'd grown her natural red hair into
long layers that fel halfway down her back. She never
tanned, so her dark eyeliner looked extrablack and the
fuck-me red lipstick even redder.
I looked in the mirror again, turning my chin to one side,
then the other, to catch my profile. My hair's blond. And
it's natural. My eyes are blue, but dark, almost navy. I
look a lot like my dad, which is one reason, maybe, why
he never bothered denying I was his.
"I think I look fine," I told her, but the faint sound of
longing slithered into my voice.
I spent my clothes budget on simple, brand-name pieces I
picked up off-season or in discount stores. I'd spent the
past few years building my wardrobe. Clothes for work
and casual wear that looked expensive enough to pass as
classy. I paired them with shoes I couldn't always afford. I
wasn't going to be Clarice Starling, giving away my
background with my good bag and my cheap shoes.
I looked again at my reflection and thought of the whisper
of satin on my skin. Going without a bra, how my nipples
would push at the fabric and force a man's eyes straight to
my breasts. Every man's eyes.
I picked up the tank top again and held it up. I smoothed
the fabric over my stomach. Kira gave me an approving
nod and slung an arm around my shoulders and bumped
me with her hip. "C'mon. You know you want to."
I did want to. I wanted to go out and get shit-hammered
drunk and dance and smoke and rub up on half a dozen
boys. I wanted to feel a hot, hard body against mine and
look for lust in a pair of eyes I didn't know.
I wanted not to worry about proving anyone right about
me.
I puled my tank top over my head and after a second's
hesitation, unhooked my bra. The satin tank top slithered
over my head and fel to my hips. My breasts swayed
under the smooth fabric. My nipples tightened at once, and
I shivered.
"Let me get you some makeup," Kira said.
She lugged her huge purse over to me and puled out pots
and tubes and brushes and glitter. I love glitter. I hadn't
worn glitter in forever, either. No place for it here, in my
new life.
"I'l do it." I wouldn't dream of sharing makeup that had
been on her face. No teling what germs could be passed
on that way. I waved her away and went into my
bathroom, where I rummaged beneath my sink.
I puled out my own box of tricks and treats. Lipsticks in
berry shades, eye shadows in rainbow hues. Lots and lots
of half-used black-eyeliner sticks and a few bottles of
liquid eyeliner. I shook one, thinking it must have dried up
after al these years, but when I unscrewed the cap with its
built-in brush, the makeup inside was stil smooth.
I painted a mask. It looked just like me, only brighter.
Bolder. More. Once, I'd worn this face every day. Once,
it had been the only one I had.
My makeup finished, I squeezed into the tight black skirt. I
left my legs bare. I'd be chily on the walk from the parking
garage to the bar, but hot enough inside once I started
dancing. From my closet I puled out a truly fucking
fabulous pair of pumps.
Kira had been bent over her phone, fingers stabbing out
messages, but her eyes widened and she reached for the
shoes. "Oh, wow. Steve Madden!"
"First pair I ever bought." I stroked the smooth black
patent leather. Four-inch heels. Most men couldn't have
told the difference between a Steve Madden shoe and a
Payless pump, but they looked twice when I wore them.
Sometimes more than twice.
I slipped into the shoes and stood, adjusting to the way my
center of balance shifted. My mother had taught me the art
of how to walk in heels this high. I used to raid her closet
as a kid and parade around the house in her shoes.
I smoothed the silky shirt over my bely and hips and
I smoothed the silky shirt over my bely and hips and
turned around to look at myself one last time in the mirror.
"Ready to go?"
"I guess so," Kira said sulenly. "Except now you look awesome and I look like shit."
"You look hot," I promised. What were friends for?
She was convinced, more because she wanted to believe it
than because I'd tried hard. "Okay, let's go get shit-
hammered!"
I saw him again, that dark-haired man. This time, he was
coming in as I was going out. We passed each other not
so much like two ships, as much as one ship passing while
the other crashes into an iceberg. I couldn't be offended
that his gaze slid over and past me, taking in the short skirt
and high heels without a second look. He had his head
down and was talking urgently into his cel phone. He
didn't have attention to spare me. And it wasn't his fault I
was trying so hard to pretend I wasn't looking back at him
that I ran into the edge of the door frame hard enough to
leave a bruise.
"Smooth move, Ex-Lax." Kira smirked. She hadn't even
"Smooth move, Ex-Lax." Kira smirked. She hadn't even
noticed it was the man from earlier that day. "Nice to see
you can hold your tequila."
I shrugged off the sting in my shoulder and didn't reply. His
sleeve had brushed my bare arm as he passed, and the