Neesha said, “Yahmina is cooking a huge pot of stew. Sabir has ale.” He smiled. “It will be cramped, but I think we can fit everyone in the house.”
I intended to thank him and say Del and I needed to get back on the road, but she spoke before I could. “That will be good, Neesha. We’ll put our mounts over at the tree again, set up a small camp as before.”
He smiled at me. “Come in and get some ale.”
Del and I rode over to the tree and began the usual tasks of untacking, picketing, watering, graining, setting out bedrolls, sorting through saddle pouches. When we were done, Del stepped close and took my hand. “I think even I will have some ale.”
After dinner, after Sabir’s ale, I slept for several hours. Then I woke up. I wasn’t going back to sleep any time soon, so I crawled out of bed, took care of business, walked out from under the thick tree canopy to look up at the stars, at the half-faced moon, and think about my son.
I heard Del as she came to me. She stood very close by my side, saying nothing. Listening to the night. Then she stepped around to face me, to wrap her arms around me. Mine went around her. I hung on to her for the saving of my soul.
“I’m sorry.” She stroked the back of my head. “Oh Tiger, I’m so sorry.”
I nodded against the silk of her hair. I had no words in me. Nothing adequate. Nothing at all.
Of course he had to stay. It was best for him to stay.
For Rasha. His mother. His father.
Chapter 35
NOT LONG AFTER DAWN, Del and I were up and tacking the horses. The stud was just about ready to go. Bedrolls and saddle pouches were onboard, as were collapsible water buckets, food, botas, all the bits and pieces one carried on the road.
It was as I was hooking the halter around the stud’s neck that Danika came outside to us. I caught Del’s glance and her plan to lead her gelding away to give us privacy.
But Danika put out a hand. “No. Stay. Please.” She swallowed heavily, as if trying not to cry. Brown eyes glistened. “There are no words. There are no words. What you did…” She shook her head as the threatened tears spilled over. “It had to be the gods’ doing that you came when you did. Because otherwise Rasha would be lost to us. Hired men would not have tried hard enough to find her, to rescue her.” She gazed at Del a moment, then walked to her and reached out for a hug. Del hugged her back, murmured something in Danika’s ear. Danika nodded, then managed to get the words out: “Thank you for bringing me back my daughter.”
Del smiled, nodded, and then as Danika stepped back from her, she led her horse away. Danika did not stop her this time.
She stood beneath the tree staring at me, with a kindness in her eyes I would not have looked for. She came close, took both my hands in hers. “The best gift I ever had was the son you gave me all those years ago. Now you give him back, a better man than he was. And Rasha—” She shook her head. “There are no words, Tiger. You have brought both of my children back to me.”
I nodded, my hands clasping hers.
Her voice shook. “Thank you for those twenty-five years. Thank you for these few days. No other man could do so much.”
She stepped close. We embraced. I set my cheek against the top of her head; she was shorter than Del. “It was you who gave me the gift,” I told her. “You raised him right, you and Harith. I am so proud of him.” We broke the embrace. “Will you be all right?”
Danika nodded. “We’ll hire men to help rebuild the house. Harith won’t be able to help, but he can direct them. That will be enough. Until then, we’ll stay here with Sabir and Yahmina. Neesha is going to put up a tent for us beside the house so we don’t get too much in the way.”
He was going to fit right in, my son. Home again.
Danika sensed my thought. “His spirit is too big to remain on a horse farm. He’s not ready to settle down. You’ll have him back. I promise. I just don’t know when.”
I nodded, finding a faint smile. “And I thank you for that.”
“Come back,” she said. “Come back some day.”
I promised it, but we both knew it wouldn’t happen. Time would pass. Any intent to return would die away. Only memories would remain.
Danika’s smile wavered. She thanked me again, then turned and walked back to the house.
I finished readying the stud. Led him over to Del. She was mounted, and I swung up as well.
Her expression was startled. “Aren’t you going to say goodbye to Neesha?”
I looked away from her, gazing across the gentle hills. “I don’t know if I can.”
“Oh, Tiger…wait. There he is.”
I looked back at the house. Neesha stood in the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb. Across that distance we stared at one another, though not close enough to see the details of expression.
Then he raised his hand. I raised mine. And it was enough.
“Let’s go,” I said.
Del nodded. We turned our horses and headed out.
When you’ve been with someone long enough, there is no need to talk all the time. You need put no effort into carrying on a conversation. You are content and comfortable in one another’s company, even in the silence.
Del and I didn’t speak for a long time. I suspect it wasn’t so much unnecessary as we were both lost in thought about life without Neesha; about how his family would cope with the significant changes and hardships; about Rashida’s future. Del had more insight into the latter, but her explanation about people’s views of Rasha post-rape had made me realize that women faced more challenges than I’d believed even after Del had already done much to educate me.
In the South, a woman who is raped either says nothing about it for fear of punishment or, should she let it slip, is punished by being whipped. And if the woman who says nothing is found to be pregnant later, she is fortunate if married because it could be passed off as her husband’s. If single and pregnant, she was killed so she would no longer tempt men or bring a child into the world who might well grow up to be a raider himself.
Being in the North again reminded me how difficult and sometimes cruel was the South. And a question occurred that hadn’t been asked for a long time: “Do you miss it, bascha? I mean, now that we’ve been in the North again?”
Del just looked ahead. “Sometimes. And yes…more so because we’ve been here again among the trees, the grass, the hills.”
We rode a little farther. I had to ask it. “Would you want to stay here? Make our life here?”
That brought her head around. “Why are you asking? You’ve said the South is your home. I’m happy in our canyon.”
“Because it reminds you of the North.”
“Well, certainly more so than the Punja does!” Del shrugged. “Alric is happy as a Northerner in the South. Why can’t I be?”
I was quiet a moment. “I don’t want you to feel that I’m insisting.”
Del frowned, bewildered. “Is it Neesha? Do you want to be closer, now that he’s staying here?”
“There’s Kalle also.”
We had not spoken of Del’s daughter in years. She had been fostered to a good family in Staal-Ysta when Del left the North to find her brother.
Del shook her head. “No. As you saw at Staal-Ysta, Kalle has real parents, not a mother who deserts her.”
“The exile is over. You could go back to Staal-Ysta if you wished. To see her.”
“I don’t wish,” Del said quietly. “We’ve got Sula, you and I. You didn’t know Neesha even existed until two years ago. And Kalle doesn’t even know I am her mother. Neesha has done very well; I’m sure Kalle has also.” She met my eyes. “I’m happy where I am. It’s you who matters, not the place.”