“You are more a man than I could have ever hoped to be. At your age, I cared nothing about the future, my duties or the affection of those I commanded. I’ve had time to look back at my life, the mistakes I’ve made, the promises I’ve broken and the loves I let get away from me. If I could, I wish that I could go backward and smack the boy I used to be, and demand that he wake up and live — not, for the moment, not for the next conquest or battle, but just to live and enjoy what little time we have. It is too late for me now, and when I look back, the only joy I can find, was the hand I had in raising you, Gaius.”
He shifted his eyes up, which were watering now as he stared at Gaius, who leered over him with equal sadness in his gaze.
“I can never replace your father, nor would I try. I can take pride, like he would have in the man you’ve become — greater than he or I could ever hope to have been.”
“I don’t know if I can continue with this,” Gaius admitted.
“You will…I can see it in your heart that you don’t know how to quit. Forget what you can’t change — move beyond the past. There will be a world after this war, and while you may never forget what you’ve lived through, have seen or have done, you will least live beyond it.”
Valerius reached out, holding his hand steady and waited for Gaius to take it, which he did.
“Find what has the most meaning for you, Gaius, and hold onto it — protect it, and in the end, your life will be full. Don’t let your end be like mine. Let your life have meaning, like your father did."
Gaius lowered his head and whispered, “I love you, Valerius.”
“As do I, my son.”
Those would be some of the last words Gaius would ever share with Valerius, as he remained with his old friend, his mentor and second father for the next four days, before Valerius, the last great Roman veteran of another era finally succumbed to his injuries. The following morning after his passing, the whole of the Sixth Legion stood out on the Fields of Mars and burned their beloved father’s body, and when the act was done and the final words said, Gaius left his men and found himself walking through the city streets. Rome was slowly coming back to life once it was confirmed that Hannibal, for reasons only known to the warlord, had forsaken laying siege to Rome, and instead set up camp at Campania.
Rome was spared and for the first time in months, everyone, citizen and soldier alike took a deep breath and thought to what next was to come — how to rebuild and regroup. Gaius, however, couldn’t share in the same joy. His mind and heart were trapped elsewhere.
When he found himself coming to a crossroad, one, which led nowhere, in particular, and one that would take him to Julia, he was vexed as to which he should take. He had not seen her or sent word to her about his return. He couldn’t face her and say to her that her father and brother were dead, and he couldn’t tell her that their deaths would not be avenged because he failed to kill Calfax.
It wasn’t until he actually reached the iron gates that he realized he was standing at her doorstep.
When he knocked, the front gate was answered by the same-old house slave that had greeted him each time he had visited in the past. He peered through the eye hole. Quickly, the old man opened the gate, and with wide eyes he called out, “Master Gaius, you are alive!”
“Is the lady of the house present?” Gaius asked, keeping his own voice low.
“She is, and my lady will be most grateful to know that you are okay,” the slave said eagerly as he escorted Gaius to the main building.
“How is she?” he asked, feeling foolish to mention it. How else was she supposed to be with her father and brother dead? Even Paullus had stated that he would not be seeing her.
“She is, troubled. I’m afraid that the last few weeks have weighed heavily on her young mind, sir.” The slave stopped and turned towards Gaius, and spoke lower. “Many have urged her to leave the city. She knows that her father and brother are gone, and that she is in danger here. Truthfully, I wish she heeded their advice. But I believe she has remained here, holding out hope that you will come for her.”
Gaius wondered for a moment how much the old man actually knew about the two of them. Probably, everything he figured.
He took a deep breath before he followed the slave into the house. Once inside, however, the old man didn’t have to announce Gaius’ presence as Julia was already in the room.
His heart sank to the floor the moment the two of them saw each other. She had been crying that much he could tell at first glance, and the moment her eyes fixed on him, she started once more.
“Gaius!” she called as she rushed over to him.
Both fell into each other’s arms, Julia’s hands digging into his back as she uttered his name again, holding onto him as tightly as she could.
The old Greek slave politely back away and headed outside to continue his nightly duties, leaving the two of them alone.
Julia dared herself to look up at Gaius, who felt a bit embarrassed at the moment. He hadn’t bathed in days, or had the chance to change his armor and clothing, which was dried with flakes of dirt, girt and mud, which were still mixed in with globs of blood. The rough stubbles on his cheeks were sharp and probably not comfortable to feel against her soft skin, but Julia didn’t seem to care as she kissed him passionately.
“I thought…I heard that everyone died,” she cried as she buried her head into his chest once more.
Gaius inhaled the sweet aroma of her oiled hair as he kissed her gentle on the top of her head.
“Tell me this is real, Gaius. Tell me you are really here. Say something to me, please, so that I know you are not an apparition,” she pleaded.
Gaius pulled Julia back so that he may look into her watery eyes, and as he did, he tried desperately to talk, but his words failed to escape his mouth in the way he had hoped.
“I…He…is gone…They are all gone…” Months, weeks of being the harden soldier, strong for his men, for his friends and peers, finally gave way as he collapsed into Julia’s arms, falling down to his knees as he sobbed, crying harder than he had ever done in his whole life.
“I could not save them! Antony…Valerius…I could not save any of them!”
Julia grabbed hold of Gaius, pulling him closer to her as he let go. She held him for a long time as he let out all of his built-up emotions, safe and finally alone with her. She cried with him — for him, but for the moment, she knew she had to be stronger than he. He needed her — he needed her to hold him, which she would.
CHAPTER FORTY
“He sent me away. He sent the whole legion off just to protect me,” Gaius said quietly as he looked down at the broken clay medallion in his hand.
It was hours, perhaps even days later, he had no sense of time right now. He was alone with Julia, she in his arms as both sat on the floor before a large fire that crackled as its bright flames, which warmed the pair. He was clean shaved and nearly back to normal, or as ordinary as he could be. They didn't have to say much to each other; words weren’t needed between the two, for both knew what the other suffered. They just needed to feel each other’s hearts, that both were alive, still warm and breathing.
They both had cried and allowed their emotions to flow freely without hesitation or judgment as they had embraced, and had made love, and at the moment just wanted to be near the other, for as long as they could extend this time. In a sense, they simply had each other in the whole world, and nothing was going to break them apart at this moment in time, no matter the rules, traditions, and arrangements, or by the force of the gods themselves.
“He did it, so I could come back to you — so I could protect you as I had promised all those years ago.”
Julia pulled herself into Gaius’ arms, closer as he spoke to her as a lone tear ran down her face as she listened to him.