While this mental avalanche swept all before it, I did not once think, I confess it with shame, of Dorothy.
But when, early in the morning, Mrs. Bumley discovered me in Sylva’s bed (wasn’t that the shortest way of introducing her to my new disposition?) it would be putting it mildly to say that she was indignant. She gasped for breath and almost fainted. I made her drink a glass of rum, put on my dressing gown and pulled her into the living room.
She was too agitated to be capable of listening to me. Words poured from her quite incoherently, as if the shock had released a talking machine of which she had lost control. Like a tune ground out by a barrel organ, certain words recurred over and over again to express her disapprovaclass="underline" “Taking advantage of the poor creature!” It was hard to make out from her vehemence whether she felt more ashamed for me or more fearful for “the poor child.” I eventually grasped that while her imagination was outraged by what seemed to her (as it had to me only the day before) an abominable depravity, she feared above all that it might jeopardize the evolution of the retarded child entrusted to her care.
“Won’t she soon be needing you as a father?” she repeated with an excessive gush of pity. “Just think what it will be like for her when…”
I vainly tried to interrupt the torrent and explain to her the discovery I had made: how in the course of time I hoped to bring the darling child to look upon me in a quite different light. But she just would not listen. More than ten times I started my explanations, but she obstinately shook her head and continued inveighing against me.
In the end, she exasperated me to such an extent that I jumped up and lost my temper. “Damn you for a pigheaded old fool! If you don’t like it…”
She promptly jumped to her feet in turn, ran toward the door. I caught her by the arm and forced her to sit down. And for the eleventh time I was about to resume my arguments when there was a knock, and the French window leading from the garden opened.
It was the wretched Jeremy. Visibly, he had scrubbed himself from head to foot; he had put on his Sunday best, and his metallic blond hair, which a thorough wash had restored to its natural fuzz, surrounded his brutish face like the petals of a dandelion. But I was much too angry to be alive to humor or pathos. I thrust Nanny back into her armchair, spun around furiously and, as that grotesque clown came in, strode toward him with such a resolute and probably menacing air that he shrank back to the terrace. I was shaking with fury.
“Get out!” I yelled. “Be off and don’t let me see you again, or I’ll set the dogs on you!”
I would have been hard put to carry out the threat, for my two mastiffs, though ferocious-looking, were incapable of harming a fly. Jeremy fortunately did not know this; he shrank back even farther and I slammed the French window in his face, turning the key in the lock. With clenched fists and still shaking, I turned back toward Nanny, who was staring at me, pale and gaping, her chin a-tremble—perhaps she was afraid I would strangle her? Come, come, I told myself, pull yourself together. I approached her, trying to smile.
A windowpane crashed in pieces.
Then another, then a third. A stone fell at my feet. Was I to let this brute smash all my windows? But by the time I reached the garden Jeremy was no more than a distant figure fleeing toward the woods—as Sylva had fled not long ago. At this memory my rage subsided. Poor chap! I understood his despair all too well. And for the last time I asked myself whether, by tearing my little vixen from her native forest and from the savage love of this Lord Utan, I was not being very selfish and very cruel.
In a pensive mood I walked back into the living room, and found there a very pensive Nanny too. We exchanged a long look, this time without impatience or anger on either side.
“You think I’m wrong of course.” I sighed, and as indeed she did not answer, I went on: “She’d be happier with this man in the forest. Much happier. Yes, that’s certain.”
Nanny gazed at me without a word. “She’s a young vixen,” I admitted sadly, “and she’ll probably remain one. Our plans for her future are just wishful thinking, it may be quite absurd to persist.”
I fell silent and sat down, stirring the dying embers in the fireplace; and for a minute or so there was silence in the room.
Nanny sat motionless as a tree stump. The stillness was becoming unbearable. I shouted without looking at her:
“Say something, for God’s sake! I know what’s in your mind: it’s Dorothy, isn’t it? I’m behaving like a cad toward her, that’s what you’re thinking, aren’t you? Well, say so, damn it! Spill it out!”
“Miss Dorothy is old enough to look after herself,” Nanny said at last, and she rapped out the name in a curiously rough, almost aggressive voice. “No, I wasn’t thinking of her,” she went on, and added: “When you haven’t seen someone with your own eyes…”
“But you’ve seen her almost every week!” I cried.
“I’m not talking of her,” said Nanny, “but of him. That monster! That gorilla. I never imagined…”
She fidgeted in her armchair, the wood creaked.
“That monstrous ape… What a blessing!” she cried, and this time I was completely at sea.
It must have shown so clearly on my face that she began to chuckle silently while a thin line of moisture shone on the rim of her eyelids. She waved her hand feebly as if to say: “It’ll pass, don’t mind me,” and blew her nose loudly, then folded her handkerchief and smoothed it with the flat of her hand on a thigh as thick and large as a table.
“That poor child, I keep forgetting,” she said. “I keep forgetting.”
She shook her head wistfully, regretfully, while I wondered what she was forgetting.
“I never knew her as a fox, did I? That’s my excuse. I did not see her metamorphosis as you did. I keep forgetting that she is not a backward child, that she is still a young female animal, with all her instincts. She has got to satisfy them, poor thing. Even in the arms of a monster like that… that… And what would become of her?” she cried. “Oh, do forgive the scene I made just now,” she said with eager contrition. “I didn’t understand. But now… now that I have seen him… How right you were! And what a blessing that you… that you…”
She blushed crimson, like a very young girl.
“She will love you one day,” she said with a kind of fervor. “Oh yes, she must! You’ll make a woman of her through love!”
These were, almost word for word, the arguments she had refused to listen to three minutes ago. Yet coming back to me from Nanny’s lips like an echo they seemed to me so preposterous and out of season, they made me feel so ill at ease, that I found nothing else to do but laugh sarcastically. The bulldog face, however, seeing me sneer, took on an expression of such grieved astonishment that I rebuked myself for my childish cruelty.
Chapter 18
THE village tom-toms operate quite as effectively in Somerset as in Zambezi. Soon the whole neighborhood knew of the affair of the backward young girl from Richwick Manor and the forest idiot. Tongues wagged ceaselessly. Some praised me for having put a stop to it, others criticized me for having wrecked the only possible happiness for those hapless creatures. Fortunately nobody seemed to suspect that I might have done it for any other motive than the strictest respectability. All this came to my ears via old Walburton, who would tell me this gossip with a hint of irony, not to say a slight sarcasm. I wondered what he was thinking deep down. Overtly, he was one of those who approved my having put an end to that “grotesque union,” as he called it. But he had a funny way of adding “I hope she has consoled herself?” which I didn’t like. Perhaps I was imagining things.