Drained of her fury, Mom responded by wrapping her arms around me. We clung to each other, shuddering and wet with tears.
"I'm so sorry, Dean. This is my fault. I should have paid you more attention. I should have seen the signs. We're going to be okay. We're going to find a way through this. I love you, Dean. Understand? I love you."
And with every word, I hated myself that much more.
I let the memory go and glare at Dabria. I can't tell what she knows, how much of me she can read. I hope she can at least taste the self-loathing I feel. It would be the least amount she can pay for invading my mind.
"What do you want from me?"
She leans in closer. "I want to take you back to where it all began. I want to take you home."
"Los Nuevos?" Keno's eyes widen in shock. He looks around and lowers his voice. "Are you serious, mate? We're bloody going to Syn City?"
"Looks that way," I mutter. My foot taps the floor in a nervous staccato. I'm trying not to think of Hel, but the more I try not to, the more I do. I think about her face when I shut the transmission down. She was frightened, and I did nothing to console her. Now I'm not able to talk to her at all. For the first time since my childhood, I'm on my own. And it feels terrible.
I glance across the narrow aisle. Dabria's crew observes us silently, not bothering to try to get acquainted. I'm pretty sure they're eavesdropping, but there are probably hidden recorders keeping track of everything we say anyway. Dabria's in the cockpit with the pilot, confident in her ability to keep me tethered to her plans. And try as I might, I can only conclude that she's right. As long as she can harm Hel, I have to do what she says.
Keno lowers his voice. "So, you two had a bit of conversation, right? Did she say anything about the job she mentioned earlier? She tell you what it is?"
I sigh, feeling completely drained. "Yeah."
"Well? Spit it out, mate."
"We're going to join up with a group of rebel soldiers and infiltrate the most secure Haven in the Territories using one of Jude Maximillian's stolen carbon copies."
Keno's jaw drops. "Jude Maximillian? As in the head honcho of bloody Maximillian Industries?"
"As in one of the richest and most powerful men in the world? Yeah, that's the guy. Apparently, he's the seriously paranoid type. Thinks at any time he can be abducted or assassinated, so he rarely makes personal appearances. I heard he uses personally constructed synoid body doubles to handle most of his business."
"And she wants us to steal one? That's pure bollocks — no way to pull that off. You'd need a foolproof plan, and that would take months to get together even if there was a small chance of success. Which there isn't."
"She's been planning this for years, Keno. The only missing piece was someone like me." I squeeze my eyes shut and rap the back of my head against the hangar wall. "It was only a matter of time before someone got to me. I've been living on borrowed time, and now I'm finally trapped like a rat in a cage."
"Well, look at the bright side, bruv."
"Like what?"
"Like you weren't nicked by the Feds, for one. Look — the situation isn’t ideal, but say we play along, do the work and hope things don't get cocked up. Best case scenario is we get paid well enough to vanish. Get the hell out the game and never look back."
"Yeah, sure. And the worst-case scenario is Dabria puts a bullet in our heads when the job is done. That's if we don't catch a slug a lot earlier. Trying to break into any Haven is a suicide mission, never mind that Los Nuevos has the tightest security of all of them."
"That's not exactly looking on the bright side, innit?"
"Looking on the only side available. We're screwed every which way. I don't know how we're gonna get out of this one."
"Maybe it won't be so bad. I've heard about Dabria. Bits and pieces here and there. Fierce as they come, a proper beast in combat. Made the rank of commander before she went rogue and started the Digital Underground movement. She's a bit of a legend. You don't reach that kind of status by taking unnecessary risks."
"No need when she can force others to take risks for her."
Keno goes quiet as if just figuring out what I knew as soon as she told me her insane plan. He gives me a worried glance.
"You figure we're royally buggered, don't you?"
"It doesn't matter what I think. I know that for Dabria, this is personal. And I don't think she'll care one way or another who gets killed as long as she gets what she wants."
"Well, what the bloody hell does she want?"
I stare at the lock on my holoband, feeling more trapped than I've ever felt in my life. "She wants to destroy Elysia."
Keno snorts. "No problem from me, then. You know how I feel about the bloody place."
Something flickers in the surface of the small window opposite me. Hel's face materializes on the surface, staring at me with heartbroken eyes.
"Don't let her kill me," she whispers.
My eyes widen. "Keno, did you—?"
He gives me a worried look. "You okay, mate? You're looking even paler than usual."
I look back at the window, but Hel's face has vanished. I know what's happening to me. Reality confusion. My brain, hardwired to virtual existence, now trying to adjust to sensory input from the real world. It's happened before, and there's not much I can do about it. Either I'll adapt, or my mind will completely unravel, creating lucid hallucinations and further distorting the planes of fantasy and reality.
I've got to pull it together, if only for Hel's sake. Because I won't be able to help either one of us if I wind up losing my mind.
Chapter 10: 3N16MA
The flight home is decidedly different than how we arrived. Zen is out of her exoskeleton armor, snuggled up against Brutus, face half-buried in his clumpy fur. He has one shaggy arm protectively around her, his dull button eyes looking in my direction. Somehow intelligent. Somehow alive.
Zen might look like she's sleeping, but I'm not fooled. She's peering through one half-closed eyelid, studying me. Wondering how I'm feeling. Wanting to say something comforting, but unable. Because Cyber Corp is listening. They're always listening. And the last thing they need to know is how conflicted I feel inside. I fought Dabria without emotion. Without mercy. Just like she taught me. And had it really been her, she would have died by my hand. The strange thing is that I finally think I understand myself more than I ever have before. Abandoned child. Soldier in training. Underground warrior. Scyther in a cyborg body. All of it has led me to this. Facing the truth about myself. Who I really am.
I'm the one who survives. No matter what it takes.
Agent Rogers has a smile on his face, talking excitedly with this squad about the battle. You'd think nearly dying in a jet chopper crash would put a damper on the mood, but that fact that no lives were lost appears to counterbalance that. Rogers performed well, and he knows it. Nothing like a half-successful mission to help salvage a damaged reputation. Rogers and his crew are more comfortable around us as well, the camaraderie of mutual survival overcoming any earlier misgivings.
It's a familiar feeling, one I immediately distrust because I've been here before. I know where it leads. And exactly how it ends.
I glance down at my wrist when my holoband buzzes. Kage's bloodless face flashes on the screen, staring at me with inhuman eyes.
"Plug in your v-drive. We're going to the Ministry. I'll send the coordinates remotely."
The connection ends. My heart quickens, driven by the fear that clutches my chest like a bad case of asthma. The Ministry. I've never been there before and never wanted to. The secret headquarters of Cyber Corp is only spoken of in whispers by the few people who know anything about it.