“I’m fine; just a bad dream.”
The covers rustled as she rolled over closer to him, curling against his side.
“Quit fighting them, Kaden.” Her hand reached out, stroking his chest as she pressed him back to the bed.
“Fighting what?”
“The memories.”
His arm came up to lay across his eyes, trying to shut out her words.
“You don’t understand, Sawyer.”
“I understand what it’s like to lose someone you love. The pain is so bad that you don’t let yourself think about it during the day. The only time their memories can get through is when you’re sleeping. It’s a wonderful gift.”
“It’s not a gift. It’s a punishment.”
“Kaden, it’s not a punishment.”
“Yes, Sawyer, it is.” His arm fell back to his side. “I’m responsible for killing my entire family.”
“No, Kaden,” Sawyer protested.
“I did. I was supposed to meet them at the airport before the plane took off. R.J. had a Christmas party, though. Tatiana and I had been partying pretty heavily and I let R.J. convince me to let them go ahead. I told them that I would be there when they woke up, but I had no intention of going. I was planning to blow them off again.”
“It wasn’t the first time?”
“No, R.J. discovered me when I was just fourteen. By the time I was eighteen, he had put the band together and we were becoming well known. My mom, at first, tried to keep control, but R.J. overwhelmed her. Then, when I turned eighteen, there wasn’t anything she could do. I sold my soul to R.J. for fame.”
“No, you didn’t, Kaden. You were just young and misguided.”
“Because of me, my mother, sister, her two kids and her husband died. My sister was pregnant.”
“That’s why you had the vasectomy. To punish yourself.”
“I don’t deserve to have children. It’s because of me that three children lost their lives.”
“They wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, Kaden, and they would have been glad you weren’t on the plane.” Sawyer knew that there was nothing she could say that would convince him he wasn’t responsible.
“When Vida, Callie and I were kids, we thought we were sisters. We would cry at the end of the day when Goldie and Brenda showed up to take them home. My mom was raised in a wealthy neighborhood. I was three when my dad died and we moved into a big apartment building. I didn’t realize it was for low income, nor did I understand the desperation that filled the people’s lives that lived there. I just knew I had Vida and Callie.
“Everyone in that apartment building knew that Callie was being abused. Hell, everyone in the neighborhood knew it. But every single damn one of them minded their own business; too afraid of Brenda, or the state. There were several families that had undocumented immigrants living with them or women with boyfriends who weren’t supposed to be there. They all watched out for themselves. No one watched out for Callie.” Sawyer’s eyes stared into his, seeing the pain of losing someone reflected back at her.
“I should have told someone at school. I should have taken her someplace and hidden her. I should have done something.” Her voice broke. “Her mother’s boyfriend found Brenda in bed with another man. He killed both of them before setting her apartment on fire, then killed himself. They found Callie dead in an apartment next door. She must have run away before he set the fire. Every single day I think of something I should have done to save her.
“I learned the hardest lesson of my life that day. The same one that you learned when you lost your family. That family always comes first. If you were given the opportunity again, would you have made that flight?”
“God, yes. I would have been there for their birthdays, Thanksgiving, the first day of kindergarten. I would’ve been there.” This time it was Kaden’s voice breaking.
“I would have called the police. I would have run away with Callie. I would have killed Brenda. I would have done something. That’s what we learned, Kaden; the most painful lessons in life are the ones that hurt the most.”
They held each other through the night while Kaden talked about his family and Sawyer talked about her mother and Callie. Eventually, they got out of bed, taking a bath together. Sawyer threw in her last bath bomb. She had saved the overpowering floral-scented one for last, not crazy over the smell.
Kaden made a face, sinking into the tub.
“What?” Sawyer giggled at his expression.
“I have a feeling this is going to be another painful life experience.”
“Why?”
“Those bikers are going to think I’m a pussy for smelling like a girl.”
Vida and Sawyer had lunch together in Sawyer’s room. Kaden had been able to get Vida and Colton a suite next door. For the other bikers, the hotel found rooms on different floors.
Kaden was still interviewing tour managers, but Colton had joined them. Vida told her how King had let her stay at the strip club for her protection.
“They told me that you were staying there; they didn’t tell me you were actually stripping.” The bastards hadn’t told her that part. Suspiciously, she asked Vida, “What was your stage name?”
“Trouble. I wasn’t very good at it, even worse giving lap dances.” Sawyer had lived with Vida since her mother had died; she knew what kind of body she had. She would bet the men had loved her. Vida was beautiful in a quiet and unassuming way, but her body was a showgirl’s dream with long legs and perky breasts.
She cast Colton a look underneath her lashes. “How did she really do?”
“She did great dancing, but I’m still waiting to judge the lap dancing,” he said, giving Vida a sensual smile.
Sawyer laughed at his answer.
She noticed the new tat on Vida’s collarbone, the intricate lines of the butterfly drawing her eye. “Are those your initials?” She made out the swirling lines of the C and the D.
“Yes.”
Wow, the man didn’t believe in wasting time.
Sawyer also noticed the color on the back of her wrist when she lifted her glass to take a drink. She reached out, turning her wrist over to get a better look. It was a piece of art.
“It’s beautiful, Colton,” Sawyer complimented him.
“Thank you.”
“If you get time, will you give me another tattoo? I already know what I want.”
“If I can get a machine,” Colton said.
Sawyer studied the man, who it was obvious her friend was in love with. He had always been good looking, but age and experience had added a sensual appeal that would be hard for a woman to resist. Sawyer was confident enough to know Vida wouldn’t have made it easy for him.
At that moment, Kaden came into the suite, slamming the door. He took a seat at the table and poured himself a cup of coffee.
“I take it the interviews are not going well?” Sawyer questioned.
“They’re going fine, if I want another R.J.,” Kaden said in disgust.
“I really like Jordan.” Sawyer knew Jordan would be thrilled with the job.
“Ms. Jordan is too inexperienced for the job.”
“That’s what makes her perfect. She’s eager to please, enthusiastic, and I damn sure don’t see her hiring a pimp for the band.”
“I’ll think about it,” Kaden conceded.
“Does that mean that you’re considering going back to singing full-time?” Sawyer asked, twirling her hair.
“No, I just want to leave them in better hands this time. I plan on spending my time writing songs, and occasionally singing, but I have no intention of becoming involved in the constant touring and travel.”