‘Do you mind if I join you?’ she asked with one hand on the chair facing him.
‘No, of course not,’ Kiyoshi replied with a smile. ‘…So?’ he prompted.
She took a quiet, deep breath.
‘For the last six months or so, my husband has constantly looked grim, and we haven’t had one proper conversation,’ she began.
‘He is often not home because of work, and lately, even when he is home, all he says is, uh-huh, OK, sure, sorry, I’m tired tonight…’
She once again brought her handkerchief to her eyes.
‘Today, he told me he had something important to discuss. I thought that for sure he was going to say he wanted to end the marriage,’ she quavered.
Kimiko looked at the necklace she received from Kiyoshi.
‘I was sure that he had forgotten my birthday…’
Covering her drooping face with both hands, her shoulders began to heave.
Kiyoshi tried to take in what he was hearing. He had never once thought about splitting up. But presented with Kimiko’s account, he could see how she could have interpreted it that way. At the time, he had been swamped with a load of big cases, and his lack of sleep and rest never seemed to end. At the same time, he was doubly burdened by his own doubt that he was cut out to be a detective. He had been avoiding any kind of conversation with her out of fear that he would reveal that he was thinking of quitting. He saw now how she could have interpreted his attitude as symptomatic of feeling unhappy in the marriage.
I feel terrible that I gave that impression…
We can never truly see into the hearts of others. When people get lost in their own worries, they can be blind to the feelings of those most important to them. Kiyoshi didn’t know what he should say to his wife crying in front of him. He was currently pretending to be just a stranger who happened to be in the cafe on this day. Moreover, in just a few hours from now, she would lose her life. Although he knew it would happen, there was nothing he could do.
He reached out slowly and picked up the cup. Judging by the temperature of the cup against his palm, the coffee was nearly cold. The next moment, he found himself saying words that even took him by surprise.
‘After I married you, I never once thought of breaking up.’
He knew he could not change reality. However, the thought that Kimiko was going to die with such unease lingering was more than he could bear. He didn’t care whether she believed him or not, he wanted to reveal his identity and dismiss just one cause of her suffering. Only he could do this.
‘I’ve come from thirty years in the future…’ he announced to Kimiko, who was staring at him wide-eyed. ‘The important matter I wanted to tell you was about something else.’
He gave a little cough and sat up straight. Feeling embarrassed and apologetic as Kimiko stared at him intensely, he pulled his cap further over his head.
‘The truth is, I planned on telling you that I wanted to give up being a detective,’ he explained. He had the peak of the cap covering his eyes, so he could not see how Kimiko was reacting to his story. Nevertheless, he continued.
‘Every day, I had to visit murder scenes and deal with deplorable human beings… I was tired of it. I’d see those depraved killers who think nothing of hurting children and the elderly. It made me feel more than sad; despair is a better word… it was tough. No matter how much effort we put into our work, none of it stops the crimes from occurring. I began to wonder, why am I doing this to myself, what good is it? But I thought that if I told you this… well, I thought you would be angry. So, I kept putting off the conversation…’
There must have been only a short time left before the coffee was completely cold. It didn’t matter to him whether Kimiko believed him; he simply wanted to say what he thought he should have said.
‘But, don’t worry. I never quit being a detective…’ he said, taking a deep breath.
‘And we never separated…’ he added softly.
Kiyoshi was lying with desperate abandon. He noticed his palms were soaking wet. Kimiko had not yet responded. He just stared at the cup in front of him, unable to do anything else. But he had said what he needed. He was too afraid to look at Kimiko’s face in fear of what it might show, but he had no regrets.
‘…My time is up, I must go now,’ he said. But as he reached for his cup, she spoke.
‘I knew it… Kiyoshi, is that really you?’
He could tell from the tone of her voice that she was still in disbelief. But hearing her say his name reminded him of how she had called him that since they were in high school.
Hearing it brought a warm glow to his eyes. Yet she had said she’d known, which confused him. He didn’t think she knew that this cafe allowed you to return to the past.
‘How did you know?’
‘Your hunting cap…’
‘Oh…’
The tattered hunting cap he was wearing was a present from Kimiko. She had it custom-made for him when he first became a detective.
She looked at it.
‘I see you’ve worn it a lot,’ she said with a smile.
‘Yeah.’
More than thirty years had passed since he received it as a present. Now, he couldn’t imagine not wearing it.
‘Your work must have been tough.’
‘Yeah, I guess.’
‘Why didn’t you quit?’ she asked, her voice trailing off.
The real reason was because he couldn’t free himself from the guilt of believing that he was to blame for Kimiko getting caught up in the mugging, by not turning up to meet her. Going on being a detective was his way of punishing himself for ever. In reply to the question, Kiyoshi looked straight into her eyes.
‘You were there for me…’ he replied.
‘I was?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Really?’
‘Uh-huh,’ he replied without hint of doubt or hesitation. Sensing something in the corner of his vision, he turned to see Kaname looking at him. She simply blinked once, subtly.
You’d better go very soon.
Kiyoshi understood exactly what that blink meant. He looked at Kaname with a hand on her large stomach and remembered Kazu.
Kazu and I, our situations are similar.
Kiyoshi gave a small nod to Kaname and looked down at the cup.
‘Well, I have to return now.’
‘Kiyoshi…’
Kimiko called his name as he brought the cup to his mouth. She had realized from the exchange between him and Kaname that it was time to say goodbye.
‘…and were you happy?’ she asked, her voice trailing off.
‘Of course,’ he replied and drank the entire cup in one gulp. As he tasted it, his heart skipped a beat. The coffee was already cooler than body temperature.
If Kaname had not distracted me right now, the coffee might have gone cold.
Kiyoshi looked over at Kaname, and she returned an indescribably wonderful smile.
He was engulfed in dizziness. His surroundings slowly started moving past him. A moment later his body was turning into white vapour.
‘Thanks…’
He saw Kimiko clutching the necklace to her chest.
‘…for this.’
She was looking at Kiyoshi, smiling happily.
‘It suits you!’ he remarked in his bashful shy way. But he never knew whether his words reached her.
‘He’s back!’ Miki exclaimed loudly as Kiyoshi regained consciousness.
Miki looked around and smiled broadly at Nagare. The first customer she had sent back to the past had returned. She looked immensely pleased with herself. Nagare too let out a sigh of relief. He gently fondled Miki’s head. ‘Good job.’